20 Things You Didn't Know Your PC Could Do
Teach that old machine new tricks--from the amazingly practical to the practically amazing.
Eric Dahl

1. Turn On in Less Than 30 Seconds

Each morning when I get into the office, I hang up my coat, drop my bag in a corner, and start the process of turning on my PC. Five minutes later, I'm ready to work after waiting for the machine to boot, typing in my network password, waiting for plug-ins to load, and finally opening all the applications I use each day. Who needs all that waiting?

Try this little experiment if you'd like to save some time: Go to the Start menu and click Shut Down. Choose the Stand By or Suspend option (depending on your version of Windows, it may be in a drop-down list), and click OK if necessary. If the room just got quieter, congratulations--you have a new way to turn off your computer. If you didn't find that option, or if your PC's fans kept whirring, read on. You aren't out of luck yet.

If the option did work, your PC should quickly return to the state you left it in--with applications open, MP3s playing and everything--when you press the power button again. This feature, called Suspend to RAM, saves almost as much power as turning off your computer, by shutting down nearly every PC component and storing the machine's state in system memory.

Not all systems support Suspend to RAM, and some that do support it don't come with the option enabled. To begin with, you need to be running Windows 98 SE, Me, 2000, or XP. If you are and things still don't work as expected, check your machine's hardware support by rebooting and then entering your PC's setup utility. (Watch the screen as the PC boots; it should tell you which key to press.) The labels mentioned below will vary, but they should be typical.

Look for a power-savings or power-management category. Search there for settings related to suspend modes. Enable any setting labeled 'Suspend Mode' or 'ACPI Function'. If you can choose different types of suspend mode (my home PC has a setting called 'ACPI Suspend Type'), select Suspend to RAM by choosing S3 or STR. Save your changes, exit the setup utility, and boot into Windows.

If you're running a pre-XP OS, double-click Power Options in the Control Panel and click the Advanced tab. If possible, select the Stand By option. That should enable Suspend to RAM. For more on speeding up PC start times, see Home Office.

2. Put You on the Evening News

You won't exactly be making news with your PC, but with a Webcam, a green backdrop, and Serious Magic's $100 Visual Communicator software, you can create a convincing imitation of the nightly news. Visual Communicator combines a TV prompter-style interface with a feature called V-Screen that replaces a green backdrop with an image or a video clip in real time. The process, known as chroma-keying, is the same one that puts the weather map behind the forecaster on the evening news.

Visual Communicator comes with plenty of professional-looking effects, transitions, and overlays that you can add to your presentation. Use it to put that annoying accounting guy's PowerPoint presentation to shame, or pull in video clips from your child's soccer game and produce a home version of SportsCenter.

3. USB Power: Charge Your Cell Phone

Don't bother packing your cell phone charger the next time you head out on a business trip. If you're carrying a laptop, or if there is a PC equipped with USB at your destination, you can use a simple USB adapter to charge your phone. Adapters like APC's USB Mobile Phone Chargers and SMC's EZ Connect USB Phone Chargers are available for most popular phones and cost from $10 to $30. Best of all, they're easier to coil and carry than your average phone charger.

4. Get You a Beer

Strap a notebook PC to Evolution Robotics' $500 ER-1 Personal Robot System chassis, and you have a toy that can put Sony's robot pet, Aibo, to shame. The ER-1 uses a Webcam to help it spot objects that you've programmed into its software. An optional gripper arm lets your ER-1 lift and carry objects. While it can't host your next party, the ER-1 can make a unique upgrade to an old notebook. Mobile computing, indeed.

5. Maintain Perfect Time

Don't be surprised if you occasionally end up late for a meeting when you rely on your PC's clock. Most computers do a poor job of keeping time, losing as much as a couple of seconds a day. That may not seem like a big deal, but let it go on for a few months and it's more than enough to put your PC's clock several minutes on the slow side.

Windows XP users can solve this problem easily. Simply right-click the clock in the corner of the taskbar, click Adjust Date/Time, select the Internet Time tab, and check the Automatically synchronize with an Internet time server box. When your computer connects to the Net, it will periodically check in with an atomic clock and make sure that you have the correct time.

A free program like Thinking Man Software's Dimension 4 can perform the same task for PCs running earlier versions of Windows. Dimension 4 can operate in the background, syncing your clock every few minutes, or the application can do its thing as soon as it detects a Net connection, and then shut down and get out of your way. On a broadband-connected PC, it often can correct your time and exit before all of your plug-ins load. Download a copy.

6. Make a Cup of Coffee

Nick Pelis has built what looks like the ultimate power user's machine--a computer with a built-in coffeemaker. Pelis's custom-modified case, or case mod, includes a dual-processor Pentium III system, 1GB of memory, and a White-Westinghouse four-cup coffeemaker.

Case modders like Pelis use Dremel tools and ingenuity to add all sorts of stuff--from useful tweaks like increased cooling to crazy stuff like cold-cathode lighting, clear acrylic windows, and, well, coffeemakers--to their anything-but-beige PCs. In a sense, case mods are like an external version of desktop customization. As people spend more time with their PCs, they're finding new ways to make them look and feel like their own.

Premodded PCs from companies like Voodoo Computers and CyberPower are starting to appear in our Top 100 section. And kits from companies like FrozenCPU.com have made modding a PC easier than ever.

7. Give You a Little Peace and Quiet

Don't you occasionally wish that your PC would just shut up already? The job of cooling hot CPUs, high-rpm drives, and heat-pumping graphics cards in current PCs has become a noisy affair--to the point where shutting down your PC can make sense if you need to think clearly.

But it doesn't have to be that way, as Mike Chin, editor and publisher of Silent PC Review, found out after he moved a third PC into his home office and got fed up with the noise. "That's when I started tearing them apart and trying to make them quieter," Chin recalls, and that's how his Web site got started. Now Chin tests PC parts from fans to hard drives to power supplies, trying to find the quietest components.

If you want a quieter PC, you need to find and replace the loudest part in your case, and then work from there. As a quick test, open your case and carefully cover each fan, noting any change in noise. When you identify a particularly loud component, look for a replacement.

Silent PC Review features a section that recommends parts it has noise-tested, but those parts can be hard to find. Online specialty stores such as Directron and Silicon Acoustics are your best bet.

According to Chin, one of the loudest components is usually your CPU's fan and heat sink. A replacement heat sink like the $45 Thermalright SLK-800 or one of Zalman's Flower models can run with a nearly silent fan. Be careful when unclipping and removing your heat sink, and install its successor according to the manufacturer's directions to avoid damaging your CPU.

Hard drives are another likely culprit. Most of a drive's noise comes from the vibration produced by constantly spinning the discs at high rpm. If you have an extra 5.25-inch drive bay, you can use a product such as NoiseMagic's $30 NoVibes III drive enclosure to suspend the drive in rubber O-rings, drastically reducing noise. As for noisy CD and DVD drives, there isn't much you can do beyond running a software utility to slow them down.

Finally, look at your power supply and at the other fans in your case--especially small ones, which can emit a high-pitched whine. Some, like the fan on your motherboard's chip set, can be replaced with noiseless heat sinks. Graphics cards require extensive cooling, making quiet replacements tough to build. One made by Zalman includes a top-mounted fan and covers an adjacent PCI slot.

What does all this work get you? Chin says it goes beyond a more enjoyable computing experience: "My ability to concentrate on my work is about twice what it was when I had noisy PCs. It's not just about making it pleasant, it's about productivity."

8. Look at Least as Cool as a Mac

Is the latest crop of Mac ads getting to you? If you're tired of the taunts of your Mac-loving friends, take heart in a few tweaks that can make your PC look almost as slick as one of those overpriced desk lamps.

Want a more Mac-like desktop? Stardock's $50 Object Desktop provides all kinds of enhancements to the plain-vanilla Windows you're used to--and it can deliver a reasonable facsimile of OS X's Aqua interface to your PC with a plug-in called ObjectDock. Add a Macintosh desktop skin from Wincustomize.com to complete your PC's transformation.

If the sleek-looking case is what you really desire, take some inspiration from the "Rotten Apple" case modification that hobbyist Brian Holmes built for HardOCP.com. Holmes took a G4 case, gave it a custom paint job, and built a superfast Athlon system into it. Now that's a switch I can deal with.

9. Print Digital Art on Canvas

Specialty-paper vendors--for example, Burlington--can help you change things up on your ink jet printer with an array of different media. Meed a new mouse pad? Print one yourself on some silk fabric. Want a snazzy CD label? Try one of the metallic holographic backgrounds included in Burlington's $17 Silver Spectrum CD label kit. Have a great digital art project? Get it down on canvas the easy way with some treated canvas media at $9 for six sheets. And to think, all these years you've been printing just on paper.

10. Follow You Anywhere

Everyone knows how long it can take to get up to speed on a new machine. Organizing your desktop, storing your files and e-mail in the right place, and setting up your favorite bookmarks can take hours each time you migrate to a new PC or have to use an unfamiliar one on a business trip. Fortunately, there are some ways you can speed up the process.

Miramar's $39 Desktop DNA Professional software can collect and save all your critical files, desktop settings, and application preferences in a single, self-extracting "DNA" file that you can take with you. Desktop DNA can't pack up your software, but it can store your software preferences in case the machine you migrate to has the same apps. Install the DNA on a new computer, and it's almost like you're using your home PC. An undo file lets you restore the PC to the state you found it in.

Pair Desktop DNA with a key chain--size USB flash-memory device for a neat way to carry your PC in your pocket. USB memory keys can store up to 2GB these days--more than enough to hold application settings and critical files for a typical PC.

If you're concerned about privacy on the PCs you'll be using temporarily, WinBoot.com's $20 P.I. Protector 2 software can redirect your Web history, cache files, and other browser-generated data to your USB memory key, leaving no trace of your surfing on the hard drive. See Privacy Watch, February 2003, for more details.

11. Burn a Movie Without a DVD Burner

If you aren't quite ready to shell out the money for a rewritable DVD drive, the CD-RW drive that you probably already have can tide you over. Almost every CD-burning package includes an option to burn Video CDs that will play in most DVD players. Check the section on supported formats in your DVD player's manual to confirm that VCD will work on yours. If you see listings for CD-R and VCD or Super VCD (SVCD) formats, you're good to go.

Fire up your CD-mastering software and look for a Video CD project option. Roxio's Easy CD Creator keeps it in the 'Make a photo or video CD' section. In Ahead's Nero, it's in 'Other CD formats'. To compile a disc, drag video files into the CD project. Most software will convert video files to the correct format for you. Finish your project, pop in a blank CD, and test it out.

Just don't expect VCDs to look as good as DVDs. A VCD stores video at about half the resolution of a DVD to help make up for the difference in capacity. It also uses MPEG-1 encoding, an earlier version of the MPEG-2 compression used on DVDs, and it maxes out at 74 minutes of VHS-quality video per disc. An SVCD disc uses a better encoding scheme to record video at closer to DVD quality. Either Video CD format looks good enough for general purposes--such as archiving shows recorded on a TV-tuner card.

Note: If you plan to burn SVCDs, you may have to resize your video beforehand so that it will display correctly; click here for further details.

12. Quick Recovery: Reboot After Crashing

A crash-free PC may be impossible, but you can have a PC that restarts automatically if it freezes up. Tripp-Lite's Watchdog system works with several of the company's uninterruptible power supplies (such as the $160 SmartProd 550 USB). WatchDog monitors your OS and reboots the PC if it stops responding, ensuring that any critical PCs you have will remain up and running while they're unattended. Download a copy.

13. Stream Your Collection of MP3s to You Anywhere

If you have a broadband connection and $13 (for a yearly subscription), your PC can play your MP3s for you anywhere. Muse.net's software agent catalogs the songs stored on your PC and streams them to you on demand at any other PC connected to the Net or to your home network. You access your collection through a slick browser-based interface that permits you to create playlists and initiate playback on any Muse-enabled PC. Some configuration hassles await if you're operating behind a firewall; but once that's sorted out, your celestial jukebox can be just a few clicks away.

14. Reminders: Wake You Up

IPing.com lets you schedule all kinds of reminders, from wake-up calls complete with a weather report to simple meeting alerts. A $10-per-month subscription fetches you up to 70 calls each month, and a downloadable plug-in for Outlook makes scheduling an IPing call even quicker.

15. Control Your Stereo System

I hate having to do the multiremote shuffle just to watch a DVD on my home theater system. That's why Philips's Pronto-series remotes--touch-screen LCDs that can learn the codes in your existing controls--are so attractive, though their $400-to-$1000 prices aren't. But if you have an infrared-equipped PDA, a download can turn it into your dream remote. For Palm OS devices, try Pacific Neo-Tek's $25 OmniRemote Pro. For Pocket PCs, try Griffin Technology's $30 Total Remote, which includes an enhanced IR transmitter, or PDAwin.com's $15 TV Remote Controller 5.1. Also, watch for new PDAs using a technology called Nevo that come with remote enhancements built in.

16. Understand Your Body Language

Computer mice have been around for ages, and (apart from the addition of scroll wheels) we're still using them the same way we did 20 years ago. Isn't this getting a little old? Don't we need some new ways to interact with computers?

Conventional wisdom has held that voice recognition would be the answer, but out-of-the-box accuracy isn't improving, and training such software takes time. That's why many developers are now turning to gesture recognition as a means to boost our PC control options. Opera, a free Web browser, incorporates mouse gestures that automate common tasks. For example, you can right-click and flick your mouse right or left to move forward or backward in your browser's history. Other commands let you easily reload a page or open a new window. A planned add-on will work the same for Mozilla in the near future.

Jeff Doozan's freeware plug-in, StrokeIt (we don't name them, we just write about them), extends that functionality to the rest of Windows, letting you bind simple mouse gestures to almost any command you can think of. Download a copy.

Gestures made an appearance in one of last year's popular PC games: In Lionhead Studios' Black & White, players can draw simple shapes like spirals and stars to cast spells. Microsoft has gotten into the act, too--its new Tablet PC operating system recognizes more than 40 gestures that a user can make with the stylus.

17. Program Your New Phone

PDAs and PC clocks aren't the only things you can sync. Thanks to Future Dial's $30 SnapSync software, you can sync your cell phone, too. SnapSync can help you transfer your contacts from your computer to your phone--a welcome innovation, as anyone knows who has bought a new cell phone and then spent hours programming the numbers stored on the old phone into it. A service called MightyPhone lets you do the same for address books and calendar information if your phone supports a standard called SyncML (few do currently, but more are on the way) or if you have a PDA-style smartphone that supports the BREW standard.

18. Just for Laughs: Rip an LP With Your Scanner

This one may be a little nutty, but you have to admit nobody knew PCs could do it. In fact, I'm still not sure they can. This clever but crazy hack runs a virtual needle around a scanned image of an LP to create a .wav file of the recorded music. You won't want to rip your old LPs this way, though. Programmer Ofer Springer's demonstration file, a reconstructed recording of Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons," sounds like it's being played at your neighbor's house--across the street. Still, it's good enough that you can recognize bits of the melody. See this Web site for more, or download and compile the Digital Needle source code, fire up your scanner, and try it yourself.

19. Heat a Small Room

Between my 19-inch monitor and my 300-watt tower system, it never feels like winter as long as my PC's on. All those drives, chips, and add-in cards generate lots of heat inside today's PCs, to the point where a couple of them can effectively heat a small home office. Here's a look at how much some typical PC components can change the temperature of a small room.

20. Revisit Software of Yesteryear

Take your PC on a trip down memory lane by running a 20-year-old program or two. Software emulators harness the power of your PC to run a virtual version of an older machine. Sites like EmuUnlim.com can point you to a downloadable emulator for virtually any antiquated computer, from the TRS-80 to the Commodore 64.

For a retro gaming fix, check out ClassicGaming's selection. The site's extensive collection of emulators and ROMs (downloadable versions of the old game cartridges) includes a multitude of favorites from such antediluvian systems as the Atari 2600 and the Intellivision.

One caveat: While some early programs such as VisiCalc and a handful of games are available for free, in most cases you must own a physical copy of the software to be legally entitled to run it. You knew you kept those old boxes of cartridges for a reason, didn't you?

Carrey: 'Sunshine' Helps Couples
The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES -- Jim Carrey says his last movie is a good prescription for squabbling lovers.
Carrey plays a man who has the painful memories of his girlfriend erased from his mind in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." At a party for the DVD release of the film on Thursday, he offered this promise about the hard-knocks love story:

"I guarantee you, couples who see this movie — and it's not gooey, it's not romanticized in anyway — but couples who see this movie will love each other after," he told Associated Press Television News.

"They'll go, 'Awww, what the hell ... you're not so bad!' It supports love."
Joining Carrey at the party was co-star Kate Winslet, who plays the multi-colored-hair love interest Clementine. Clementine starts a battle of memory erasure when she scrubs him from her mind first. The DVD is set for release Tuesday.

Screenwriter Charlie Kaufman and actor Mark Ruffalo, who plays the brain-erase technician, also attended the event.

Beck performed "Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime" from the movie soundtrack, accompanied by composer Jon Brion on keyboards and director Michel Gondry on drums.

59 Jaw Dropping Road Side Attractions
Our top reasons—from giant mazes to outdoor churches to the world’s largest ball of twine—to pull off the side of the road and visit a while
By David LaHuta

October issue, Budget Travel magazine - Everyone loves a road trip, and we’re no exception. But it’s not the driving that makes for great memories, it’s the stops. Here are 59 of our favorites.

The Northeast

Connecticut
Louis’ Lunch
As the story goes, in 1900 a man requested that the luncheonette’s owner make him something to eat on the go—the result was a broiled beef patty in between two slices of bread. Voilà! America’s first hamburger. Louis’ still serves them the same way, and don’t even think about ketchup—condiments are forbidden. 261-263 Crown St., New Haven, 203/562-5507, louislunch.com, hamburger

Mike’s Famous Harley-Davidson
Your hog need a tune-up? Pull into this Harley-Davidson service station, then head into Mike’s Warehouse Grill for a bowl of Mike’s Famous chili, served with jalapeño corn bread. At I-295 and Rte. 9, south of the Delaware Memorial Bridge, Mike’s is also home to the Museum of the American Road. Don’t miss the tribute to Dave Barr, a double-leg amputee who rode his Harley around the world. 2160 New Castle Ave., New Castle, 800/326-6874, mikesfamous.com, bowl of chili $4.25.

Maine
Desert of Maine
Geologists say that nearly 11,000 years ago, a glacier deposited sand that was only discovered when poor farming techniques led to topsoil erosion. The result is a 44-acre desert with 12-foot dunes—not exactly the standard New England attraction. Guided safaris and gemstone hunts are available—the staff throws semiprecious gems in the sand daily, so the odds are good. Open May–October. 95 Desert Rd., Freeport, 207/865-6962, desertofmaine.com, $7.75, teens $5.25, kids $4.25.

Maryland
The National Great Blacks in Wax Museum
To save money, founders Elmer and Joanne Martin originally purchased white mannequins and added black heads and hands. Today, over 120 figures are on display, including Dred Scott, Billie Holiday, cowboy Bill Pickett, Osborne Payne, and Harriet Tubman—all now proudly custom-made for the museum. 1601-03 E. North Ave., Baltimore, 410/563-3404, greatblacksinwax.org, $6.80, seniors and college students $6.30, kids $4.80.

Massachusetts
Museum of Bad Art
Clashing colors and poor perspective—described in tongue-in-cheek captions—are on display in a museum “dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition, and celebration of bad art in all its forms.” Much like fine art museums, the curator at MOBA—eight miles south of Boston—selects paintings that are original in style and content, like Sunday on the Pot With George, an Impressionist view of an overweight man on a toilet. As the title of the museum’s book says, it’s Art Too Bad to Be Ignored. 580 High St., Needham, 781/444-6757, museumofbadart.org, donations accepted. Book: $15.

New Hampshire
Strictly Moose
The moose lover in you will want to spend a long time browsing this store. There’s a wide selection of moose-related products, such as moose nuggets—balls of moose dung implanted with biennial flower seeds. To see the real thing, the store can tell you how to sign up for a three-hour bus tour organized by the Gorham Parks and Recreation Department. 129 Main St., Gorham, 603/466-9417, strictlymoose.com, tour $15, kids 5–12 $10, kids 4 and under $5. Pet “Moose” Nugget: $2.99.

New Jersey
Lucy the Elephant
Sixty-five feet tall and constructed entirely of wood and tin, Lucy the Elephant is so, well, elephantine that she was once converted into a four-bedroom summer home. Built in 1881, the pachyderm was intended to draw developers to South Atlantic City and has since withstood demolition, hurricanes, and countless visitors poking around the inside of her stomach. 9200 Atlantic Ave., Margate, 609/823-6473, lucytheelephant.org, $4, kids $2. Colorful elephant erasers: $1 each.

New York
Jell-O Museum
Long before Bill Cosby starred in the company’s advertisements, Jell-O was paving the way for modern American merchandising. To build his brand, patent owner Orator Woodward advertised in Ladies’ Home Journal in the early 1900s, gave free samples to housewives a few years later, and even had it served to immigrants on Ellis Island. Among other items, the gift shop sells boxer shorts ($16) that read watch it wiggle see it jiggle. 23 E. Main St., LeRoy, 585/768-7433, jellomuseum.com, $3, kids $1.50 (includes box of Jell-O per family). Spoon: $4.50.

Pennsylvania
The Shoe House
This three-bedroom, ankle-high-shoe-shaped house was built in 1948 by Mahlon Haines—a self-made millionaire nicknamed the Shoe Wizard of York County. The Shoe House is open Thursday through Sunday for tours explaining its construction. No old women reside there, in case anyone was wondering. 197 Shoe House Rd., Hellam, 717/840-8339, jarrettsville.org/family/shoehouse.htm, $3, kids $2.

Rhode Island
World’s Largest Bug
A 59-foot-long termite named Nibbles Woodaway sits atop the three-story New England Pest Control building in Providence (and is easily visible from I-95). Nearly 1,000 times bigger than an actual termite, Nibbles often gets dressed up for holidays. Fans of Dumb and Dumber may recall the bug’s big-time movie debut. 161 O’Connell St.

Vermont
Ben & Jerry’s Flavor Graveyard
For every popular flavor—Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey—there are those that don’t survive, and the folks at Ben & Jerry’s have given at least some of them a proper burial. The cemetery in Waterbury features headstones for flavors such as This Is Nuts and Miz Jelena’s Sweet Potato Pie. Still awaiting burial: Hunka Burnin’ Fudge and Economic Crunch. Rte. 100, 866/258-6877, benjerry.com, free.

The South

Alabama
Ave Maria Grotto
Built by a Benedictine monk named Joseph Zoettl, the Ave Maria Grotto is four acres of biblical history, with more than 125 miniature replicas of holy sites, such as St. Peter’s Basilica and the city of Jerusalem. They’re not perfectly set to scale—Brother Joe eyeballed his designs—but historians and architects have marveled at his accuracy just the same. 1600 St. Bernard Dr., Cullman, 256/734-4110, avemariagrotto.com, $5, seniors $4.50, kids 6–12 $3.50.

Arkansas
Cotham’s Mercantile and Restaurant
Before it opened as a restaurant in 1984, Cotham’s had served (sometimes simultaneously) as a general store, jail, and commissary for nearly 70 years. The Hubcap burgers—big enough to feed four—were a favorite of then governor Bill Clinton; as its website says, Cotham’s is “Where the Elite Meet to Eat!!” in Scott, about 15 miles east of Little Rock. FYI: It’s pronounced “Cottum’s.” 5301 Hwy. 161, 501/961-9284, cothams.com, Hubcap burger $8.

Florida
Coral Castle
After his fiancée, Agnes Scuffs, canceled their wedding the day before the ceremony, Ed Leedskalnin began constructing a titanic tribute to his lost love. For over 28 years, Ed dug up nearly 1,100 tons of coral, then placed and carved each block by hand to create Coral Castle. The castle, about 30 miles south of Miami, features a nine-ton swinging gate and the Great Obelisk, 25 feet tall and weighing 28 tons. Agnes never visited. 28655 S. Dixie Hwy., Homestead, 305/248-6345,

Drive-In Christian Church
The congregation at Daytona Beach’s Drive-In Christian Church has been pulling up for prayer since 1953. Offering two services on Sundays (8:30 a.m. and 10 a.m.), the Christian church—it was converted from an old drive-in movie theater—has more than 1,300 members and encourages visitors to join in its unique outdoor worship. Pull up, grab a Communion wafer at the gate, then tune in to 88.5 on your FM dial. No worries about drinking and driving—this church uses juice instead of wine. 3140 S. Atlantic Ave., 386/767-8761, driveinchurch.net, free.

Georgia
Georgia Guidestones
No one knows who erected the 19-foot-tall granite Guidestones—picture the Ten Commandments inscribed on Stonehenge—which list instructions for the preservation of mankind in 12 languages, including Sanskrit and Swahili. Here’s one: “Avoid petty laws and useless officials.” The folks at the Elbert County Chamber of Commerce say that the best way to find them is to drive on Highway 77, between Elberton and Hartwell, and look for the lady’s house that resembles a spaceship. The Guidestones are across the street. Elbert County Chamber of Commerce, 706/283-5651, elbertga.com, free.

Kentucky
Penn’s Store
In 1992, America’s oldest country store, family owned since 1850, got its first bathroom: an outhouse (before that it just had “plenty of trees”). Now, every fall the store hosts the Great Outhouse Blowout, a festival with music, food, and outhouse races (in 2004, Oct. 2). Contestants head to Gravel Switch—50 miles southwest of Lexington—and race human-powered dragsters, some made to resemble that lovable lavatory. 257 Penn’s Store Rd., 859/332-7715, http://www.pennsstore.com/.

Louisiana
Bayou Pierre Alligator Park
With gator sausage and kebabs in the food court and gator wallets and boots in the gift shop, you’d think the Bayou Pierre Alligator Park was killing off its main attraction. Not so. All of the park’s hundreds of gators are for viewing only (the others come from local farms). Watch these thousand-pounders wrestle over chicken parts, or hold a baby gator in your arms for a Cajun-style photo opportunity. It’s 75 miles southeast of Shreveport, off Highway 1. 380 Old Bayou Pierre Rd., Natchitoches, 877/354-7001, alligatorshow.com, $6.50, kids $4.75. Baby gator head: $9.99.

Mississippi
The Crossroads
According to the song “Crossroads Blues,” by legendary bluesman Robert Johnson, this is the spot where he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his skills as a guitar virtuoso. At the intersection of Highways 161 and 49 in the town of Clarksdale, the spot is marked with a guitar-shaped sign. Clarksdale Chamber of Commerce, 662/627-7337.

North Carolina
Furnitureland South
The world’s largest highboy—an 85-foot-tall dresser with three foot-wide gold-leaf handles—stands in front of the world’s largest home-furnishings showroom. Built in 1999, it towers over its rival (the world’s largest bureau, also in High Point) by more than 45 feet. 5635 Riverdale Dr., 336/841-4328, furniturelandsouth.com, free.

South Carolina
South of the Border
With its 200-foot-tall Sombrero Tower and smiling mascot, Pedro, this monument to Mexican kitsch has attracted road-trippers since 1949. What started as a small beer stand has expanded into an amalgamation including 15 shops, an amusement park (called Pedroland), six restaurants, campgrounds, and a hotel. I-95 at Hwy. 301, Hamer, 843/774-2411, pedroland.com.

Tennessee
The Parthenon
In 1897, to commemorate 100 years of statehood, Tennessee built a full-scale replica of the Parthenon just outside downtown Nashville, in Centennial Park. It houses the city’s art museum, as well as plaster casts of the Elgin marbles (the real ones, which date from around 440 b.c., are in the British Museum). Like the original in Athens, the Parthenon focuses on a 42-foot statue of the goddess Athena—by all estimates she’s wearing size-177 sandals. 2600 West End Ave., 615/862-8431, parthenon.org, $4, seniors and kids $2.50.

Virginia
Route 11 Potato Chip Factory
The Route 11 Potato Chip Factory prepares, cooks, and bags all 13 varieties of its chips by hand. The Chesapeake crab chips are a regional favorite: They’re flavored with the same salty, spicy blend fishermen use to season their Chesapeake Blues. 7815 Main St., Middletown, 800/294-7783, rt11.com, 11-oz. bag $4.

West Virginia
Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold
Billed as America’s Taj Mahal—don’t tell Trump—Prabhupada’s Palace of Gold, in Moundsville, was constructed by monastic volunteers to be the home of spiritual leader Srila Prabhupada. When he died before its completion, the gilded palace became a pilgrimage center and tourist attraction. The elaborately decorated rooms have marble and onyx floors, crystal chandeliers, and silk tapestries. Palace Rd. Exit off Hwy. 250, 304/843-1812, palaceofgold.com, suggested donation $6, kids $3.

The Midwest

Illinois
Bill Shea’s Gas Station Museum
Back in 1946, when Bill Shea started pumping gas on legendary Route 66, a car would go by every 10 minutes. Now, he says, it takes 10 minutes just to cross the road. Stop in for an earful of stories and a look at Shea’s gas station memorabilia from nearly 60 years on the Mother Road. 2075 Peoria Rd., Springfield, 217/522-0475, $2, kids $1.

World’s Largest Catsup Bottle
Once America’s best-selling catsup, Brook’s Old Original Tangy Catsup was so popular that the company’s owners built themselves a massive landmark. The bottle—12 miles east of St. Louis on Route 159—is really a 170-foot-tall water tower, but it’s definitely more fun to pretend otherwise. 800 S. Morrison Ave., Collinsville, 618/345-5598, catsupbottle.com.

Indiana
Bluespring Caverns
Living in perpetual darkness, the fish in Bluespring Caverns have evolved to a state of blindness—see for yourself on the one-hour boat tour. In the winter months, Bluespring runs organized caving tours for groups of kids, with an overnight stay in a limestone cave, where hibernating bats also make their home ($23). 1459 Bluespring Caverns Rd., Bedford, 812/279-9471, bluespringcaverns.com, $12, kids $6.

Iowa
Grotto of the Redemption
Father Paul Dobberstein’s geological tribute to God is one of the largest collections of precious stones and gems in the world. The nine grottoes tell the story of redemption through Christ; its curators estimate its value at $4 million to $5 million. In December, if the pond freezes, there’s ice-skating. 300 N. Broadway, West Bend, 800/868-3641, westbendgrotto.com, suggested donation $5, kids $2.50.

Kansas
Dorothy’s House and the Land of Oz
Tours of the cottage, carefully done up to resemble the one in The Wizard of Oz, are led by one of 18 Dorothy look-alikes—they’re dressed in pigtails, blue gingham, and ruby slippers. Strangely enough, the house is on Yellow Brick Road—and you thought that was in Oz! 567 Yellow Brick Rd., Liberal, 620/624-7624, $5, seniors and kids $3.50. Toy ruby slippers: $13.

World’s Largest Ball of Twine
Made from over 7 million feet of sisal twine, the World’s Largest Ball of Twine measures 40 feet in circumference and weighs almost nine tons. Housed under a canopy in Cawker City on Highway 24—100 miles northwest of Abilene—the ball is a work in progress, so bring some twine, wrap it around, and consider yourself part of the record books. Cawker City Hall, 785/781-4713, free.

The Van Gogh Project
Part of an ongoing venture to reproduce all seven of Van Gogh’s sunflower paintings in seven countries around the globe, this 768-square-foot reproduction of Three Sunflowers in a Vase is easy to spot. It stands on an 80-foot easel along I-70, in the town of Goodland. Artist Cameron Cross painted the work—the other two completed paintings are in Canada and Australia; thebigeasel.com.

Michigan
Henry Ford Museum
When Thomas Edison was dying in late 1931, Henry Ford decided he wanted to capture the inventor’s final gasp—so he had him breathe in a test tube and corked it for posterity. It’s now part of the Henry Ford Museum’s permanent collection, along with other pieces of American history, including the Rosa Parks bus, Kennedy’s presidential limousine, and Lincoln’s blood-stained chair. 20900 Oakwood Blvd., Dearborn, 313/982-6001, hfmgv.org, $14, seniors $13, kids $10. Ford Model A toy: $32.

Minnesota
Jolly Green Giant
Ho, ho, ho! The 55-foot-tall statue of everybody’s favorite Jolly Green Giant—at the midpoint of Minnesota along I-90, America’s longest interstate—has a smile that’s 48 inches wide and a shoe size that’s somewhere around 78. He was erected in the town of Blue Earth back in 1979 to celebrate the area’s longtime affiliation with canning—Green Giant was once the Blue Earth Canning Company. Intersection of I-90 and Hwy. 169, Blue Earth Area Chamber of Commerce, 507/526-2916.

Missouri
Lambert’s Cafe
Beware of flying objects. Raise your hand at this Sikeston restaurant and a server will toss a wheat roll from across the room. Credit the practice to owner Norman Lambert, who was once so busy he couldn’t bring the rolls to a table—so he threw them. No injuries have been reported. 2305 E. Malone St., Constructed of 38 cars from the ’50s- and ’60s—mirroring both the number of boulders and the diameter of the circle at the original in England—this Stonehenge replica was dedicated on the summer solstice in 1987. Just north of Alliance, the structure was conceived by Jim Reinders as a memorial to his father, who once lived on the field where Carhenge now stands. Hwy. 87, Alliance, carhenge.com, free.

North Dakota
The Enchanted Highway
A 32-mile county road connecting Gladstone and Regent, the Enchanted Highway off I-94 is proof that if you build it, they will come. To boost tourism, local artist Gary Greff began erecting weird roadside structures, including a towering family made of tin, the world’s largest grasshopper, and a flock of oversize pheasants. His next project: a giant bass. Exit 72, 701/563-6400, enchantedhighway.net, free.

Ohio
World’s largest basket building
Weighing 9,000 tons and standing seven stories high, the home office for the Longaberger Company, in Newark, was built to resemble Longaberger’s most popular item, the Medium Market Basket. The building houses Longaberger’s 500 employees and is visible from State Route 16. Walk in to admire the seven-story atrium; the glass ceiling allows you to see the handles from inside. 1500 E. Main St., 740/322-5588, longaberger.com, free.

South Dakota
The Corn Palace
Covered entirely with thousands of bushels of corn, grasses, and grains, the Corn Palace in Mitchell—with turrets, onion domes, and minarets—is America’s answer to the Kremlin. The exterior of the palace is refurbished annually during harvest time (August through September), but its interior features year-round corn murals depicting the history of Native Americans and the white man. 604 N. Main, 866/273-2676, cornpalace.org, free. Key chain: $2.50.

Wall Drug Store
For more than 70 years this landmark has wooed visitors with countless roadside billboards (“Have You Dug Wall Drug?”). They arrive to find much more: Now an attraction in its own right, the store boasts an 80-foot-tall brontosaurus, an art gallery displaying western art and artifacts, and strange mechanical people like Dr. Feelgood, who for 50¢ will tell you about the benefits of snake oil. 510 Main St., Wall, 605/279-2175, walldrug.com, free.

WisconsinWorld’s Largest MuskieThe National Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame, about 70 miles south of Duluth, Minn., is home to the World’s Largest Muskie. It’s four stories high and half a city block long. The belly holds freshwater fishing exhibits and the mouth opens up to a 20-person observation deck. 10360 Hall of Fame Dr., Hayward, 715/634-4440, freshwater-fishing.org, $6, under 18 $3.50, under 10 $2.50. Snow globe: $3.25.
The House on the Rock Perched precariously atop a tall rock spire, the House on the Rock, in southwest Wisconsin, mixes architectural enthusiasm with an eclectic collection of just about anything you can imagine—suits of armor, model airplanes, pipe organs, and even a pyramid of life-size fiberglass elephants. The most identifiable feature of this attraction is the Infinity Room—a 200-foot-long glass and steel promenade cantilevered over the valley. And for the kids, there’s the world’s largest carousel, insured for $4.5 million. 5754 Hwy. 23, Spring Green, 608/935-3639, thehouseontherock.com, $19.50, kids 7–12 $11.50, 4–6 $5.50.

The Southwest

Arizona
Rooster Cogburn Ostrich Ranch
Between Tucson and Phoenix, near Picacho Peak, the largest ostrich ranch in the country has more than 1,100 ostriches, and they’ll eat the $2 feed right out of your hand. Stock up on infertile eggs, for eating ($15); feather dusters ($7 and up); and ostrich oil (four ounces for $30), said to be good for cracked heels, dry skin, acne, and eczema, or as an aftershave lotion. Exit 219 on Interstate 10, 520/466-3658, roostercogburn.com, free. Empty ostrich egg: $10.

The Thing?
Along Interstate 10, 40 miles west of Tucson, billboards about every quarter mile will lure you toward The Thing? There’s no charge for checking out the taxidermic armadillo holding a beer (it’s in the gift shop), but to discover what exactly The Thing? is—we’re not telling—you have to fork over a buck. No photos allowed. Exit 322 on I-10, 520/586-2581, $1.

New Mexico
Trinity Site
Now a National Historic Landmark, Trinity Site is where the first atomic bomb was tested in 1945. On the grounds of the White Sands Missile Range, the site is only open for bus tours twice a year—the first Saturday in April and October, from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.—and is marked by a triangular stone tower and commemorative plaque. Walk the giant crater, still littered with Trinitite, the green-colored, glassy substance formed by the explosion’s heat. Alamogordo Chamber of Commerce, 800/826-0294, alamogordo.com/activites/trinity.html, free.

Oklahoma
The Blue Whale
The 80-foot cement whale, built by Hugh Davis as an anniversary present for his wife, Zelta, has been smiling at motorists on Route 66 for more than 30 years. About 15 miles east of Tulsa, the Blue Whale—with its walk-in mouth (you can’t go farther, not that you’d want to)—is beached alongside a small pond right next to the highway. Catoosa Chamber of Commerce, 918/ 266-6042, free.

Texas
Cadillac Ranch
Off I-40, just west of Amarillo, 10 Cadillacs are half buried, tail fins up. Created in 1974 by a collective of artists called Ant Farm, it’s a tribute to America’s once-most-beloved cruiser. For the true artistic experience, bring spray paint; Ant Farm encourages audience participation. Free.

The West

Alaska
Santa Claus House
Every day is Christmas at the Santa Claus House, just south of Fairbanks in the town of North Pole. Stop in for a look at Dasher and Blitzen—the two on-site reindeer—or a visit with Santa himself (Wed.–Sun.). For $7.50, you can purchase a square inch of land in North Pole or send a pre-written letter from Santa—with a North Pole postmark—to anywhere in the world. 101 St. Nicholas Dr., 800/588-4078, santaclaushouse.com.

California
Exotic World
Once the home of dirty dancer Jennie Lee—known in her heyday as the Bazoom Girl—this burlesque museum houses a collection of pasties, lip prints, and bejeweled G-strings. Curator Dixie Evans leads tours through the Striptease Hall of Fame, where she is also proudly enshrined. The Striptease Reunion and Miss Exotic World Pageant—the best in burlesque, past and present—is held annually on the first Saturday of June here in Helendale, 15 miles southwest of Barstow. 29053 Wild Rd., 760/243-5261, exoticworldusa.org, suggested donation $5. Sticker: $3.

The World’s Tallest Thermometer
Standing 134 feet tall—a tribute to the hottest temperature ever recorded in North America, on the floor of nearby Death Valley—the World’s Tallest Thermometer displays bright digital readings to motorists going in both directions on I-15. Willis Herron, former owner of the Bun Boy Restaurant, also in Baker, had the Popsicle-stick-shaped tower built in the hope that folks would pull over for a slice of Bun Boy’s famous strawberry pie ($4). 72155 Baker Blvd., 760/733-4660.

Calico Ghost Town
Ten miles north of Barstow is a throwback to the Old West, complete with Lil’s swinging-door saloon and a sheriff who regularly rounds up “lawbreakers.” If you’re lucky, you may see a real western-style wedding held at the one-room schoolhouse; there are also nighttime ghost tours through spots where spooks have been sighted. Be alert: Gunfights can break out at any time—or, actually, every hour on the half hour from 10:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Exit Ghost Town Rd. on I-15, Yermo, 800/862-2542, calicotown.com, $6, kids $3.

Colorado
UFO Watchtower
No abductions have been reported—yet—at the UFO Watchtower, a man-made lookout for anything and everything extraterrestrial. After hearing countless references to the San Luis Valley in The X-Files and on the SciFi Channel—the area is well known for having very little light pollution—founder Judy Messoline created the watchtower, about 200 miles south of Denver. Bring a tent and stay the night or head straight to the gift shop, where you can buy Judy’s favorite bumper sticker ($2): Buckle up! it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car. 2502 County Rd. 61, Hooper, 719/378-2271, ufowatchtower.com, free.

Hawaii
The World’s Largest Maze
The two-acre garden maze at the Dole Plantation in Oahu was recognized in 2001 by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s biggest. The hibiscus hedges are seven feet high, and at its center the maze resembles a giant pineapple. There are guides to help those who get lost. 64-1550 Kamehameha Hwy., 808/621-8408, dole-plantation.com, $5, kids $3.

Idaho
Idaho Potato Expo
Off I-15, 25 miles southwest of Idaho Falls, is the Idaho Potato Expo, a museum filled with a two-foot Pringle (the world’s largest), potato hand lotion, and even a spud signed by grammatically challenged former vice president—and good sport—Dan Quayle. Bonus: Each pair of visitors gets a free box of dehydrated hash browns. 130 Northwest Main St., Blackfoot, 208/ 785-2517, potatoexpo.com, $3, seniors $2.50, kids $1.

Montana
Lincoln’s World Famous 10,000 Silver $ Bar and Casino
Actually, it’s more like the 43,000-and-Counting Silver $ Bar and Casino: In 1952, Rex Lincoln cut a round hole in his bar, pounded in a silver dollar, and inscribed his name below it. Patrons have wanted in on the fun ever since. Each year visitors to this I-90 landmark, halfway between Missoula, Mont., and Spokane, Wash., donate nearly 1,500 coins to be mounted on the walls. Bring your own or buy one at the bar, then come back next year: Coins are mounted in January. Exit 16, Haugan, 406/678-4242.

Nevada
Little A ‘Le’ Inn
Along Highway 375—better known as the Extraterrestrial Highway—this restaurant/bar/gift shop/motel is the only trace of civilization outside the ultrasecretive Area 51, just south of Rachel. Owner Pat Travis will be happy to entertain you with stories of actual alien sightings (“They came in the form of humans…”). Browse the aprons and tote bags in the gift shop, and order Travis’s famous Alien Burger. “It’s out of this world,” she says. 775/729-2515, aleinn.com, burger $3.75. Alien salt and pepper shakers: $8.99.

Oregon
The House of Mystery and the Oregon Vortex
Self-described as “an area of naturally occurring visual and perceptual phenomena,” the Oregon Vortex, near Gold Hill, in southwestern Oregon, has been defying the laws of physics since 1930. Balls roll uphill, brooms stand on end, and the mass of objects—including people—has been known to mysteriously change. Bring a camera. 4303 Sardine Creek Rd., 541/855-1543, oregonvortex.com, $8, seniors $7, kids 6–11 $6.

Utah
Hole N’ the Rock
Forty-thousand visitors come annually to see this 5,000-square-foot house carved from a huge sandstone rock 12 miles south of Moab. It has 14 rooms, including an art studio and lapidary, where cocreator Albert Christensen once polished his rocks. All that’s missing: Fred, Wilma, and Pebbles. 11037 S. Hwy. 191, 877/686-2250, moab-utah.com/holeintherock, $4.25, kids $2.25.

The House on the Rock
Perched precariously atop a tall rock spire, the House on the Rock, in southwest Wisconsin, mixes architectural enthusiasm with an eclectic collection of just about anything you can imagine—suits of armor, model airplanes, pipe organs, and even a pyramid of life-size fiberglass elephants. The most identifiable feature of this attraction is the Infinity Room—a 200-foot-long glass and steel promenade cantilevered over the valley. And for the kids, there’s the world’s largest carousel, insured for $4.5 million. 5754 Hwy. 23, Spring Green, 608/935-3639, thehouseontherock.com, $19.50, kids 7–12 $11.50, 4–6 $5.50.

Washington
World Famous Bob’s Java Jive
This Tacoma dive, where bands play nightly, has a jungle-theme interior—and it once featured live, swinging monkeys. Even stranger, it’s shaped like a giant coffeepot: Built in 1927 as a coffee shop, it was once surrounded by other buildings that imitated their purposes (such as a gas station shaped like a pump). It’s the only one left. 2102 S. Tacoma Way, 253/475-9843, bipolaraudio.com/bobs_java_jive.html.

Wyoming
The Douglas Jackalope
The town of Douglas—130 miles north of Cheyenne—is absolutely devoted to the rare jackalope, a cross between a rabbit and an antelope. Self-proclaimed as the Home of the Jackalope, Douglas erected an eight-foot statue in what’s known as Jackalope Square. To solidify its place in jackalope lore, the town had hoped to build another statue (this one 80 feet tall and made of fiberglass), but the plans fell through. Jackalope hunting licenses are available, but no one has ever bagged one of the wily creatures. Douglas Chamber of Commerce, 307/358-2950, jackalope.org, free.

Philippines
epicenter of marine biodiversity
By Diana A. Uy

Among other things, the Philippine islands can boast about its wealth of biodiversity — that is, marine biodiversity.

At the recent seminar titled "Center of the Center of Marine Shorefish Biodiversity: the Philippine Islands," held at the Tambunting-Villonco Hall Museum of the Filipino People, Dr. Kent Carpenter, associate professor in the Department of Biological Sciences at Old Dominion University, Virginia, hypothesized that the Philippines has the most diverse habitat in the Indo-Malay-Philippines archipelago.

According to his study, the Philippines has the richest concentration of marine life in the entire planet.

His study that lasted more than 10 years resulted in almost 3,000 maps and counting of marine species for the Western Pacific Ocean challenging the idea that it was Indonesia who holds the record.

"Scientists have long known that the area in Southeast Asia that includes Indonesia, Malaysia and the Philippines holds the richest marine biodiversity. I was amazed to discover that the extreme center of this biodiversity is in the Philippines, rather than closer to the equator," according to Dr. Carpenter in an interview.

"However, a geographical information system analysis of this extensive database clearly shows this pattern," he added.

Ergo, his goal is to understand the natural forces, such as lithospheric plate movements, prevailing currents, and the geography and geology of the area, that contributed to the evolution of the biodiversity.

"This discovery poses some very interesting questions about the origins of marine life in our oceans. Perhaps the Philippines hold the key to unraveling mysteries about how marine biodiversity patterns change through space and time," he explained.

However, his study showed that "with the comparatively high number of species that are only found in the Philippines, there is the real threat of extinction, including some species that have yet to be discovered by scientists."

In another interview, Dr. Carpenter stressed, "this area is highly threatened and a number of destructive fishing practices, including dynamite fishing, contribute to the decline. The biggest problem in terms of coral reefs is in run–off from poor land use that results in heightened erosion. This run–off goes into the rivers and out to sea covering the coral in sediments that are detrimental to their survival."

Because of this, he plans to support conservation efforts in the Philippines to preserve and protect these "endangered" inhabitants and those yet to be discovered.

UNESCO Secretary–General Preciosa Soliven supports this endeavor.

"The UNESCO has a marine science committee. It is such an important aspect of our country. So, we will pick up the suggestion of Dr. Carpenter," Soliven said.

"First we, will work on the curriculum on sciences to enrich it for the elementary school. Secondly, we’ll get together all these university professors, who have been part of the study on the rich biodiversity in the Philippines, so they can be engaged in our education of the stakeholders —the fisherman, their families, the mayor there, the teachers. In every island, community we are already doing that. But with the information that we are the bullseye or the center and the richest biodiversity of fishes in the Asia pacific region, so that's a booster."

She added, "because when people understand they will care more. You know, there's always a controversy and a dilemma between preserving life in our oceans and at the same time the poor fisherman who needs that badly for livelihood? So, we have to reconcile the fact that they need these fish to sell but we will help them be more selective and perhaps preserve the sanctuary. They can fish outside the sanctuary."

Furthermore, according to the Secretary-General, this study, she thinks, has stimulated our marine biologists —researchers here. "And that it makes us feel that there is more to life than money as source of everything."

"We're surrounded with the blessings of nature. But we are also responsible to take care of it so that it will continue to give us life."

Dale Jr. says dad helped him out of fiery wreck
Associated Press
Posted: 6 hours ago

NEW YORK - Dale Earnhardt Jr. has trouble remembering those frantic seconds when he escaped from his burning racecar. He believes, however, his late father figured in his survival.

"I don't want to put some weird, you know, psycho twist on it like he was pulling me out or anything, but he had a lot to do with me getting out of that car," the NASCAR star said. "From the movement I made to unbuckle my belt to lying on the stretcher, I have no idea what happened."

Earnhardt recalled that perilous July day in Sonoma, Calif., during an interview with correspondent Mike Wallace for 60 Minutes that will be broadcast Wednesday on CBS.

Earnhardt's father was killed three years ago during the final lap of the Daytona 500 race. The son insists he felt his father's presence on the day when he scrambled out of his flaming car and was left with second-degree burns on his legs, neck and chin. In fact, he said, when he reached safety, he began inquiring about the "person" who helped him from the car.

Earnhardt told 60 Minutes he grabbed one of his representatives by the collar, "screaming at him to find the guy that pulled me out of the car. He was like, 'Nobody helped you get out,' and I was like, 'That's strange because I swear somebody ... had me underneath ... my arms and was carrying me out of the car."'

Wallace asks if that was his father.

"Yeah, I don't know," Earnhardt said. "You tell me. It ... freaks me out today just talking about it. It just gives me chills."

* Pictures of the car crash here and post wreck appearances here.

Nap time returns, for a price
Has a late night out or a bad night's sleep left you yawning at the office? You're certainly not alone. There's a cure, and people are willing to pay for it.
by Melissa Lee

In New York City, the city that never sleeps, there's a business that caters to the sleep deprived.

"I came up with idea when I was working here in New York as a banker," says Arshad Chowdery, who founded MetroNaps. "I thought about a lot of my colleagues falling asleep during the day, and people would even sneak off to the bathrooms and take a nap. And that's when I realized MetroNaps is perfect for New York."

MetroNaps, located in the Empire State Building in Manhattan, provides the sleepy with something better than a bathroom stall to discretely catch some ZZZs.

Its customers are people tired of holding back yawns at important meetings or feeling like a drag during a night on the town. It's clear that napping is no longer the domain of the pre-school set.

Sleep only a pod can deliver
"I would come every day, and I wish I had a pod in my apartment because nothing helps me as much as the pod," says Elizabeth Cole, a MetroNap regular.

But at $14 a nap, can this really be better than your own bed?

The pods block out sound with white noise and encase you without enclosing you to protect against distractions. The pod inclines forward so you can get in it and then reclines to the perfect position for a power nap. Twenty minutes later, the pod wakes you up. (To see a pod, click here.)

A pod looks like it's something out of science fiction, but it was actually born of science. Two years of research at Carnegie Mellon found that a midday power nap can increase productivity and memory.

Spreading pods
"We expect to expand to bringing the nap pod's to wherever there are sleepy people," Chowdery.
In October, travelers passing through the Vancouver airport will be able to siesta in a pod. MetroNaps also is hoping to pawn its pods to highway rest stops and even corporate offices. And it's looking for franchisees to set up pod shops across the country.

But MetroNaps is finding that it's not quite as easy as, if you build pods, they will nap.

"The challenge is letting people know that taking a nap mid day is acceptable," Chowdery says. "There is no correlation between napping and laziness. In fact, it's quite the opposite."

There even are frequent napper programs at MetroNaps that'll bring the cost down. And MetroNaps best customers are daily napper, a group that includes MetroNap's employees.

Mexico churches wage war on cell phones
State-of-the-art technology used to stop calls

MONTERREY, Mexico - Some Mexican churches are using state-of-the-art technology developed by Israeli electronic warfare experts to silence cell phones that ring during mass, church officials said.

Four churches in the northern city of Monterrey, which lies some two hours by car south of the Texas border, are using equipment made by Israeli telecoms equipment firm Netline Communications Technologies to block incoming calls during services.

The Tel Aviv-based company was set up in 1998 by former military and defense industry specialists to develop mobile telephone jamming systems, mainly for the security industry.

"Before we had the system, it was very uncomfortable hearing calls coming in during the celebration of mass. But now it’s 95 percent quiet," said Bulmaro Carranza, a caretaker at the city’s Baroque-style Sacred Heart church.

The signal-jamming equipment is packed into two wall-mounted boxes the size of small hi-fi speakers, with one beside the altar and the other at the church entrance.

Switched on just before the start of every service, the system causes a "no signal" message to be displayed on worshipers’ phones, but causes them no lasting damage.

"We believe that we were the first church in Mexico to use this technology," Carranza said.

"Now we are getting calls from all over the country to see how it can be installed."

A laptop that runs off of spinach?
MIT researchers use photosynthesis to power electronics
By Mark Pratt

BOSTON - "Eat your spinach," Mom used to say. "It will make your muscles grow, power your laptop and recharge your cell phone... "

OK. So nobody's Mom said those last two things.

But researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology say they have used spinach to harness a plant's ability to convert sunlight into energy for the first time, creating a device that may one day power laptops, mobile phones and more.

Photosynthesis, the process by which plants use light beams for energy rather than eating food like animals, has been known to scientists for decades.

But attempts to combine the organic with the electronic had always failed: Isolate the photosynthetic proteins that capture the energy from sunlight, and they die. Inject the water and salt needed to keep the proteins alive, and the electronic equipment is destroyed.

That was until Shuguang Zhang, associate director of MIT's Center for Biomedical Engineering, discovered that protein building blocks called detergent peptides could be manipulated to keep the proteins alive up to three weeks while in contact with electronics.

"Stabilizing the protein is crucial," said Zhang, who collaborated with researchers from MIT, the University of Tennessee and the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory, including electrical engineers, nanotechnology experts and biologists. "Detergent peptide turned out to be a wonderful material to keep proteins intact."

The scientists, whose findings were first reported by in NanoLetters, a publication of the American Chemical Society, then created a "spinach sandwich."

Why spinach?

In reality, any number of plants could have been used. But the researchers chose spinach because "it is cheap and is easily available from the grocery store," Zhang said.

The spinach was ground up and purified to isolate a protein deep within the spinach cells.

A top layer of glass was coated underneath with a conductive material and a thin layer of gold to aid the chemical reaction. In the middle, the spinach-peptide mixture sits on a soft, organic semiconductor that prevents electrical shorts and protects the protein complexes from a bottom layer of metal.

By shining laser light on the "sandwich," researchers were able to generate a tiny current. While one device by itself can't generate much energy, billions of them together could produce enough electricity to power a device.

"It's like a penny," Zhang said. "One penny is not much use, but 1 billion pennies is a lot of money."

Practical applications are still a decade or so away, but the advantages include the technology's lightweight qualities, portability and environmental friendliness. "There is no waste," Zhang said.

The researchers suggest the technology could be used as a backup energy supply for battery-powered portable devices.

"We have crossed the first hurdle of successfully integrating a photosynthetic protein molecular complex with a solid-state electronic device," said Marc Baldo, an assistant professor of electrical engineering and computer science at MIT.

Top 10 Odd College Courses
Information provided by Kaplan Test Prep & Admissions

College courses aren't all Econ 101 and The History of Europe: 1500-Present. A trend among many colleges and universities is to offer courses that are slightly off the beaten track. Many of these courses draw their themes from pop culture or sports, or they may be the brainchildren of professors who want to share their passion with students. They may be no less serious than traditional courses, but they certainly cover new academic ground.

Students take these offbeat courses for a variety of reasons--hoping for an easy A, to try something fun, or to explore a new interest. Underwater Basket Weaving 101 may be an urban legend, but these ten unusual courses are for real:

1) You can boldly go where no other philosophy student has gone before in Georgetown University's "Philosophy and Star Trek" course, where students discuss the nature of time travel, the ability of computers to think and feel, and other philosophical dilemmas facing the crew of the Starship Enterprise.

2) Discover how Brick really felt when Opal left him for his neighbor's best friend's sister in the University of Wisconsin's course entitled "Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles." Students analyze the plots, themes, and characters of daytime soaps and discuss their impact on modern life.

3) If you've been longing to research how hot dogs, theme parks, and the five-day workweek have impacted American leisure culture, check out the University of Iowa course "The American Vacation." This course pays particular attention to how American families' varying backgrounds shape their vacation experiences.

4) Bowdoin College students can delve into "The Horror Film in Context" in the school's English Department. Students read Freud and Poe and watch Hitchcock and Craven, all while discussing the horror genre's treatment of gender, class, and family.

5) At Williams College, students can learn more about those in the cement shoe industry by enrolling in "Comparative History of Organized Crime," which compares the work of goodfellas from the United States, Italy, Japan, and Russia.

6) If you've got a romantic urge for adventure, check out Barnard College's course on "The Road Movie," which studies Easy Rider and Thelma and Louise, while also discussing the genre's literary precursors, like On the Road and The Odyssey.

7) If hitting the road doesn't satisfy your rebellious streak, sign up for Brown University's course on "American Degenerates," in which students discuss how early British-American writers embraced the grotesque, monstrous, "not our kind" status bestowed on them by the mother country and reflected their zeal for cultural and physical degeneracy in their literature.

8) Those artsy types at the Rhode Island School of Design can put down their paintbrushes and take "The Art of Sin and the Sin of Art," which contemplates the relationship between sin and the art world. The course catalog invites you to "lust with the saints and burn with the sinners."

9) If talking about death several times a week in class sounds like a good time to you, try Purdue University's "Death and the Nineteenth Century" course. Every poem and novel in the course deals with the 19th-century conception of mortality and the world beyond.

10) At Centre College in Danville, Kentucky, students can take "Art of Walking," in which students not only read literature by noted perambulators like Kant and Nietzsche, but go for neighborhood strolls with their professor and his dog.

Most college programs offer interesting courses to introduce you to new and fascinating subject matters. Take advantage of the many possibilities offered to you by sitting down with your advisor to talk about course options and then really thinking about the courses you choose to take.

Corps of Discovery’s descendants reunite
740 gather to celebrate Lewis and Clark bicentennial

Descendants of the members of the Lewis and Clark Voyage of Discovery gather Sunday

for a group photo on the beach at Seaview, Wash. The reunion coincided with the

bicentennial celebration of the journey.

By Joseph P. Frazier

FORT CLATSOP, Ore. - Inside tiny Fort Clatsop, they were together again. The Lewises were there. So were the Clarks, the Floyds, and the Charbonneaus, the Gass family, the Whiteheads and more.

Or at least their DNA was, some diluted across generations, some of it rock-solid.

Descendants of the members of the Lewis and Clark Voyage of Discovery gathered over the weekend on the shores of the Pacific Ocean, the western terminus of the voyage where the party of 33 spent the miserable winter of 1805-1806.

The reunion coincided with the three-year-long bicentennial celebration of the journey. Participants came from as near as nearby small towns and from as far as China and Nigeria.

Genealogist Sandi Hargrove was in charge of tracking all the relations down. "They'd say something like 'We've always been told we were related to so-and-so but they never told us how,"' he said.

Of the 740 people at the weekend reunion, 167 were descendants of Sgt. Patrick Gass, or of his close relatives.

"He lived to be 99, and I would have loved to have met him," said Sandra Shakel, a great-great granddaughter who lives in Placitas, N.M.

Bicentennial celebration
The nation is celebrating the bicentennial of the expedition’s departure from the St. Louis region, when the explorers and a roughly 40-member crew set off to explore the Louisiana Territory and seek a Northwest Passage to the Pacific Ocean.

The explorers logged about 8,000 miles (13,300 kilometers) as they navigated the Missouri River, crossed the Rocky Mountains, reached the Pacific and returned with knowledge of the land and its natives.

Expedition members were mostly young, footloose enlisted men, and many simply evaporated into history, becoming as anonymous after the 28-month voyage as they were before it started.

Hargrove, who was president of two genealogical societies and taught the subject at Clatsop Community College in Astoria, said she was approached by groups preparing for the celebration of the voyage's 200th anniversary.

Five-year search
Her five-year search included attempts to find relatives of the Indian translator Sacajawea and her infant son, Jean-Baptiste Charbonneau, whose father was Toussaint Charbonneau, hired halfway through the voyage west as an interpreter.

MORE LEWIS & CLARK
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• Lewis and Clark vacations
• National Park proposed
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• Official site: Bicentennial Commemoration

Whether she has descendants is not clear. Jean-Baptiste died in 1866, and Sacajawea herself had at least one daughter. When and where Sacajawea died, and whether there were other children, is not clear.

In all, the project was able to document 1,669 relatives, using birth, death and marriage certificates, wills and other resources.

Meriwether Lewis, who died in 1809, had no known direct descendants, but 40 descendants of his close relatives were there. There were a few descendants of William Clark.

Larry Whitehouse, of Fort Worth, Texas, a direct descendant of Pvt. Joseph Whitehouse, stuck his head into the cramped rooms of the fort replica rebuilt 50 years ago from drawings and descriptions in Lewis and Clark’s journals.

"It's really neat to imagine 200 years later, here we are," he said. "Can you imagine they were here doing this?"

DNA shoots hole in Captain Cook legend
Long-treasured Hawaiian arrow wasn't carved from explorer's bone


Jude Philp, manager of the Australian Museum's Pacific Collection, holds an arrow with a shaft made of bone. DNA testing has determined that the arrow was not carved from the bone of British explorer Captain James Cook, as had been claimed for nearly two centuries.

SYDNEY, Australia - It was a great legend while it lasted, but DNA testing has finally ended a century-old story of the Hawaiian arrow carved from the bone of British explorer Captain James Cook who died in the Sandwich Islands in 1779.

"There is no Cook in the Australian Museum," museum collection manager Jude Philp said Thursday. He said the DNA evidence proved that the arrow was not made from Cook's bone.

But that will not stop the museum from continuing to display the arrow in its exhibition, "Uncovered: Treasures of the Australian Museum," which does include a feather cape presented to Cook by Hawaiian King Kalani'opu'u in 1778.

Legend lasted 180 years
Cook was one of Britain's great explorers and is credited with discovering the "Great South Land," now Australia, in 1770. He was clubbed to death in the Sandwich Islands, now Hawaii.

The legend of Cook’s arrow began in 1824 when Hawaiian King Kamehameha on his deathbed gave the arrow to William Adams, a London surgeon and relative of Cook's wife, saying it was made of Cook’s bone after the fatal skirmish with islanders.

In the 1890s the arrow was given to the Australian Museum, and the legend continued until it came face to face with science.

DNA testing by laboratories in Australia and New Zealand revealed the arrow was not made from Cook’s bone but was more likely made of animal antler, said Philp.

Hope endures
However, Cook's fans refuse to give up hope that one Cook legend will prove true and that part of his remains will still be uncovered, as they say there is evidence not all of Cook's body was buried at sea in 1779.

"On this occasion technology has won," Cliff Thornton, president of the Captain Cook Society, said in a statement from Britain. "But I am sure that one of these days ... one of the Cook legends will (prove) to be true, and it will happen one day."

France lays royal heart, and mystery, to rest
Organ buried after DNA confirms link to lost boy-king

The president of Memorial de France, Duke de Beauffremont, at left, carries the heart

of Louis XVII, accompanied by Prince Amaury de Bourbon Parme, as they arrive

Tuesday at Saint-Denis Cathedral.

By Joelle Diderich

SAINT-DENIS, France - France's royal descendants and their supporters Tuesday buried the shriveled heart of Louis XVII, the boy king who died during the Revolution, after DNA tests confirmed the organ's authenticity.

Exactly 209 years after the heart was cut from the king’s body, following his death in a grim Paris prison, a crystal urn containing the tiny pickled organ was carried to the cathedral of Saint-Denis outside Paris, burial place of French kings.

Following a two-hour Mass, it was laid to rest in the royal crypt next to the remains of his parents Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, who were both executed by the revolutionaries.

'Long live the king!'
To a chorus of trumpets, Amaury de Bourbon de Parme, a young boy related to the former child king, brought in the urn draped in a purple cloth and placed it next to a crown on a column draped in the royal fleur-de-lis pattern.

"Finally, he will be able to rest in peace with his parents," said Louis Alphonse de Bourbon, a Spanish banker whose blood ties date back to Louis XIV and who was cheered outside the cathedral by supporters shouting: "Long live the king!"

The ceremony comes four years after DNA tests confirmed that Louis-Charles de France perished in jail of tuberculosis at the age of 10, putting to rest centuries of speculation that he had escaped his captors and was survived by royal heirs.

The heart was removed from its resting place in the Saint-Denis cathedral in 1999 to enable scientists to compare its DNA makeup with samples from living and dead members of his family — including a lock of Marie Antoinette's hair.

Eight-year-old Louis-Charles automatically became King Louis XVII when Louis XVI was guillotined before huge crowds in central Paris at the height of the revolution in 1793.

At the time, the boy was held like a caged animal in the forbidding Temple prison to prevent any monarchist bid to free him, and was forcibly separated from his mother.

At her subsequent trial, a signed statement from the boy was produced claiming that she had forced him to commit incest. Marie Antoinette was executed shortly afterward.

What is believed to be the heart of Louis XVII,

the 10-year-old heir to France's throne who

died in Paris' Temple prison on June 8, 1795, is

seen in a carved jar in this photo released by French

historian Philippe Delorme.

In his sermon, Cardinal Jean Honore said Louis-Charles had been a pawn of sadistic captors. He compared the child’s plight to that of modern-day victims of pedophilia.

"The conscience of a child is sacred. A child is not a toy," said the cardinal. "In the treatment that he was subjected to, there was certainly the desire to eliminate a child who represented something greater than himself."

Though organizers said they did not want the privately funded ceremony to have political connotations, it drew mainly monarchists who want to see Louis Alphonse de Bourbon restored to the throne. No senior government official was present.

"I am grateful toward this family because France gives the impression that it exists only since the Revolution," said Monique Jaeger, 78, one of several hundred people who watched the Mass on a screen outside the church in the scorching sun.

By contrast, 20-year-old salesman Benjamin Zeller said he did not know about the ceremony and did not care.

"Those days are over," he said, referring to the monarchy.

John Kerry’s family traced back to royalty
Kingly connections run thick through maternal blood line, sparking political prediction from Burke’s Peerage

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry's mother

Rosemary Forbes Kerry, seen in this family photo from

1940, was a member of the affluent Forbes shipping family

and a descendant of John Winthrop, who helped found Boston in 1630.

She is the candidate's main link to royal personages of the past.

By Kate Kelland

LONDON - When it comes to American presidential elections, blue blood counts.

So say British researchers who predict Democratic challenger John Kerry will oust President Bush on Nov. 2 simply because he boasts more royal connections than his Republican rival.

After months of research into Kerry’s ancestry, Burke’s Peerage, experts on British aristocracy, reported on Monday that the Vietnam War veteran is related to all the royal houses of Europe and can claim kinship with Russian czar Ivan the Terrible, a previous emperor of Byzantium and the shahs of Persia.

Burke’s director Harold Brooks-Baker said Kerry had his mother, Rosemary Forbes, to thank for most of his royal connections.

“Every maternal blood line of Kerry makes him more royal than any previous American president,” Brooks-Baker said. “Because of the fact that every presidential candidate with the most royal genes and chromosomes has always won the November presidential election, the coming election — based on 42 previous presidents — will go to John Kerry.”

Similar research carried out on Bush ahead of the 2000 presidential race showed that he beat Al Gore in the royal stakes, claiming kinship with Britain’s Queen Elizabeth as well as with Kings Henry III and Charles II of England.

In the company of kings
Kerry is a descendant of bygone kings of England, Henry III and Henry II, and is distantly related to Richard the Lionheart, who led the third Crusade in 1189, according to Burke’s.

He is also descended from Henry I, King of France, and his wife, Anne of Kiev, giving him kinship with the royal houses of Sweden, Norway, Denmark and the House of Rus.

Burke’s research showed Kerry also has historical political connections in the United States.

He is closely related to John Winthrop, the first Massachusetts governor — the state for which he is now a senator — and his maternal grandmother was the granddaughter of Robert Winthrop, who was speaker of the House of Representatives from 1847 to 1849.

Billy the Kid: Case closed
Sheriffs end effort to have outlaw’s remains exhumed for genetic analysis


** FILE ** William Bonney, also known as Billy the Kid, is believed to be depicted in this undated ferrotype picture, circa 1880, provided by the Lincoln County, N.M. Heritage Trust Archive. The Lincoln County sheriff's office has opened an investigation into the escape of Billy the Kid from the Lincoln County jail 122 years ago, hoping to determine whether the Kid had an accomplice and if then-Sheriff Pat Garrett indeed tracked down and killed the escaped gunslinger. (AP Photo/Lincoln County Heritage Trust Archive, File)

By Alan Boyle

Three New Mexico law-enforcement officials on Friday dropped their yearlong legal effort to have the remains of Billy the Kid exhumed for genetic testing, a court official told MSNBC. The officials had hoped to confirm scientifically whether the remains were truly those of the Old West outlaw, but they ran into fierce opposition from officials in the town where the Kid is thought to be buried.

Friday's filing in New Mexico's 10th District Court in Fort Sumner, N.M., marks a surprising end to a case that had been due for its first full-blown hearing on Monday, after months of preliminary wrangling. The case touched on Old West legends as well as the economics of New West tourism.

Billy the Kid, a.k.a. William Bonney, ranked as one of the most notorious figures of the Western frontier, and most historians accept the traditional view that he was shot to death by Lincoln County Sheriff Pat Garrett in 1881.

However, through the decades, several people have claimed to be Billy the Kid, saying that the wrong man was killed and buried in Fort Sumner. Last year, De Baca County Sheriff Gary Graves, Lincoln County Sheriff Tom Sullivan and Capitan Mayor Steve Sederwall (who was deputized by Sullivan) announced that they were reopening the 123-year-old case. They petitioned for the exhumation of the remains beneath the Kid's gravestone as well as those of his mother in Silver City, N.M., and planned to have DNA tests conducted to confirm the Kid's identity.

Resistance in court
That idea didn't sit well with the mayors of Fort Sumner and Silver City, who contested the officials' petition. The mayors argued that digging up the graves would ruin the historic atmosphere of their towns' cemeteries, with no benefit other than publicity for the sheriffs. Historians noted that the remains buried in the cemeteries may have been moved through the years, due to construction and flooding — meaning there would be no way to confirm the precise location of the Kid's purported remains or his mother's.

Last November, New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson appointed a lawyer to represent the Kid's interests, and that attorney, Bill Robins, joined with the sheriffs in seeking the disinterment of his client. At the time, Robins argued that the genetic findings could affect the Kid's chances of getting a posthumous pardon. But last month, Robins and fellow counsel David Sandoval had themselves dismissed from the case, arguing that their time would be better spent tracking down the historical facts.

On Friday, attorneys for the sheriffs and Fort Sumner filed a document stipulating that they were dropping the case "with prejudice," meaning that the petition cannot be filed again, said Janean Grissom, deputy clerk for the 10th District Court.

"The sheriffs were the only ones left, so now this ends the case," Grissom told MSNBC.com. A hearing on the matter had been scheduled for Monday before District Judge Ted Hartley, but that court date has been canceled, she said.

Is it really over?
The court documents do not specify why the three officials sought dismissal of the case.

When contacted by MSNBC.com, Sheriff Graves declined to comment on the development, other than to confirm that Monday's hearing would not take place. Efforts to contact Sullivan and Sederwall, as well as their attorney in the case, were unsuccessful Friday.

The attorney for Fort Sumner, Adam Baker, said the sheriffs agreed to drop the case in the course of pre-hearing negotiations. Baker's motion to dismiss the case outright would have been taken up on Monday.

He noted that Henry Lee, a forensic expert who is working with the sheriffs, had recovered some samples from a bench in Fort Sumner said to be stained with Billy the Kid's blood. Baker speculated that legal action focusing on the Kid's mother might be renewed, depending on what those samples reveal.

"I have a sinking feeling that we haven't heard the last from these sheriffs," Baker told MSNBC.com.

But Trish Saunders, who opposed the exhumation as a co-founder of the Billy the Kid Historic Preservation Society, said the sheriffs may have decided the effort was no longer worth pursuing.

"I think all this has just proved an acute embarrassment for them, and they finally realized it," she said.

Graves was hit with a recall petition drive this summer, fueled in part by sharp local criticism of his role in the case. Sullivan is due to leave office at the end of this year. And questions had been raised about Sederwall's standing as a plaintiff in the Billy the Kid petition, Saunders said.

In a news release, Saunders hailed Friday's development as "a victory for common sense."

"This is a great day for anyone who cherishes the wonderful history of the American West," she said. "We were just not going to sit by and let a cherished old landmark be torn apart just for a brief spark of publicity."

'Lost' Episode of 'Honeymooners' Found
44 minutes ago

ATHENS, Ga. - It's news that would make Jackie Gleason (news) shout out his trademark "And away we go!" A new "lost" episode of the classic 1950s TV comedy "The Honeymooners" has been uncovered in the Peabody Awards archive at the University of Georgia.

The episode, titled "Love Letter," originally aired on Oct. 16, 1954, on "The Jackie Gleason Show," said Ruta Abolins, director of the Peabody Awards Collection and Media Archives at UGA.

"It does not exist in another archive and is a unique `lost' episode in `The Honeymooners' history," Abolins said in a statement Thursday.

Gleason starred as Ralph Kramden, a blustery New York City bus driver. Audrey Meadows played his sharp-tongued wife, Alice. Art Carney was his goofy neighbor, Ed Norton, a sewer worker, and Joyce Randolph played Ed's wife, Trixie.

Archivist Margaret Compton discovered the "Love Letter" episode during a preservation review of the archives' kinescopes and videotapes. She said plans are being made by Gleason Enterprises to release the never-rebroadcast episode on home video.

"The Honeymooners" was introduced on Oct. 5, 1951, during Gleason's first variety series, "Cavalcade of Stars," broadcast live on the DuMont Television Network. From 1952 to 1955, "The Jackie Gleason Show" ran on CBS where the live sketches grew from 10 minutes to 30 minutes in length. "The Honeymooners" also ran as a CBS sitcom in the 1955-56 season, and "The Jackie Gleason Show" returned as a variety program in the 1956-57 season.

A re-performance of "Love Letter" aired during Gleason's 1956-57 series, but the Peabody Awards archive holds the only known copy of the original sketch from the earlier variety show.

The episode deals with Kramden's discovery of a love letter that he mistakenly believes is meant for his wife.

Some 70-odd "lost" episodes of "The Honeymooners" emerged from Gleason's vault in the 1980s.

The Peabody Awards, considered among the most prestigious and selective prizes in electronic media, recognize excellence and meritorious work by radio and TV stations, networks, webcasters, producing organizations and individuals. Gleason won an individual Peabody in 1955.

The Awards Archive holds more than 40,000 titles, including radio programs dating from 1940 and television from 1948.

6 Moves to Shrink Your Belly
A Pilates workout that firms and flattens—fast
by Martica K. Heaner

The quest for a whittled waistline gets harder as you age. The reason: Hormonal changes encourage excess calories to make a beeline for your belly, where they are stored as—you guessed it—fat. When researchers at the University of Vermont tested 178 healthy-weight women ages 20 to 60, the oldest had 55% more belly fat than the youngest.

A bigger belly, however, isn't inevitable, and tummy-toning exercises can help. Pilates training is your secret weapon because it works all of your abdominal muscles: the six-pack rectus abdominis, which runs down your center; the waist-defining obliques, which wrap around your sides; and the deep transversus abdominis, which is often missed in traditional ab workouts, says LA-based Pilates instructor Michelle Dozois, who designed this routine. For maximum results, flatten your belly by pulling your navel toward your spine during each rep. Do these exercises three times a week, every other day.

Toe Dip

A. Lie on your back with your legs up and bent at 90 degrees—thighs straight up and calves parallel to the floor. Rest your hands at your sides, palms down. Keep your abs contracted and press your lower back toward the floor.

B. Inhale and lower your left leg for a count of two ("down, down"), moving only from your hip and dipping your toes toward the floor (without letting them actually touch it). Exhale and raise your leg back to the starting position for a count of two ("up, up"). Repeat with your right leg and continue alternating until you've done 12 reps with each leg.

Leg Circle

A. Lie on your back with your legs extended along the floor. Raise your left leg toward the ceiling, with toes pointed and hands at your sides, palms down. Hold for 10 to 60 seconds. (If this position is uncomfortable, you can bend your right leg and place your right foot flat on the floor.)

B. Make a small circle on the ceiling with your left toes, rotating your leg from your hip. Inhale as you begin the circle and exhale as you finish. Keep your body as still as possible—no rocking—by tightening your abs. Do six circles, then reverse direction for six more. Repeat with your other leg.

Crisscross

A. Start as in the Toe Dip but with your hands behind your head, elbows out to the sides. Curl up to raise your head, neck, and shoulders off the floor.

B. As you inhale, rotate your torso to the right, bringing your right knee and left shoulder toward each other and extending your left leg toward the ceiling in a diagonal line from your hips. As you exhale, rotate to the left, bringing your left knee toward your right shoulder and extending your right leg. That's one rep. Do six reps.

Leg Kick

A. Lie on your left side with your legs straight and together so your body forms one long line. Prop yourself up on your left elbow and forearm, lifting your ribs off the floor and your head toward the ceiling. Place your right hand lightly on the floor in front of you for balance. (If this position is uncomfortable, extend your left arm on the floor and rest your head on your arm.) Raise your right leg to hip level and flex your foot so your toes are pointing forward.

B. Exhale as you kick, swinging your right leg forward as far as comfortably possible and pulsing for two counts ("kick, kick"). Inhale, point your toes, and swing your leg back past your left leg. That's one rep. Do six reps without lowering your leg. Then switch sides and repeat.

Back Extension with Rotation

A. Lie on your stomach with your forehead on your hands, palms on the floor. Separate your feet to hip width. Pull abs in.

B. Raise your head, shoulders, and chest off the floor. Rotate your upper body to the right and back to the center, then lower. Repeat to the left side and continue alternating until you've done six rotations to each side.

Side Bend

A. Sit on your left hip with your left leg bent in front of you and your left hand beneath your shoulder. Place your right foot flat on the floor just in front of your left foot so your right knee points to the ceiling. Rest your right arm on your right knee.

B. Pull your abdominals in, press into your left hand, and lift your hips off the floor. As you come up onto your left knee, straighten your right leg and raise your right arm over your head so you form a line from your right fingers to your right toes. Hold for 10 to 30 seconds. Lower and repeat on the other side.

The Lowdown on Rubdowns
Sports massage may be one of the most important parts of your training program. Here's why
by Beth Mcnichol

Loretta Ulibarri, 49, is training for her 49th marathon this summer, which will put her on target to reach 50 marathons by her 50th birthday. Achieving this feat, which has sometimes required tackling four marathons a year, took more than guts, grit, and lots of running shoes. "If it weren't for massage, I wouldn't be able to do this," says Ulibarri, who lives in Denver. "I had a lot of inflammation problems and ongoing soreness that interfered with my training. Ten years ago, I started getting a sports massage every three weeks, and since then, I've been injury-free and able to train year-round."

Sports massage isn't a froufrou spa treatment. Nor is it reserved for hard-core elite athletes. It's a method of flushing out the lactic acid that's produced when we run, says New York therapist and marathoner Leslie Goldblatt Denunzio. This waste can build up in muscles and cause soreness over time. Removing it speeds recovery and increases flexibility, both of which can improve performance. "If you have the right shoes and training plan, and you eat and hydrate well, massage is the one extra thing that will make a difference in how well you train and race," says Denunzio. Sports massage combines other massage techniques, including deep-tissue and Swedish. What sets it apart is that it targets and reduces tension in muscles and joints that are affected by athletic use and injury.

But don't just take our word for it. Researchers from Ithaca College in New York recently found that massage therapy administered two hours after exercise reduced the intensity of muscle soreness 48 hours later. An Australian study showed similar findings: Post-exercise massage lessened soreness 24 hours later. Scientific evidence linking massage with injury prevention isn't as strong, but runners who get regular massages say their injury-free limbs are all the proof they need. "I used to get sidelined from calf pulls," says Dave Deigan, of Sonoma, California, who runs 25 miles a week and gets a massage every other Thursday. "Since I started getting massages five years ago, the chronic tightness in my calves has disappeared, and I'm not getting injured." And the practice has medical-community support as well. "Massage is probably the best way to prevent delayed onset muscle soreness," says Lewis G. Maharam, M.D., medical director for the New York Road Runners. "And as far as injuries go, massage is icing on the cake. Massage can supplement physical therapy as an effective injury treatment."

All runners can benefit from massage, but it's especially useful for marathoners and runners covering more than 35 miles a week. Not only are their bodies subjected to a greater amount of stress, but also high-mileage runners tend to have an intense commitment to their training schedules—and don't deviate from them. "Some runners plow through runs and ignore aches and pains, and that can create problems down the road," Denunzio says. Massage therapists get to know their clients' bodies by taking full inventories of their muscles and how they respond to training. "If there's something lurking in that hamstring," says massage therapist and runner Marion Burch Cimbala of Austin, Texas, "we'll find it."

Massage therapy also works on a psychological level. Clearing metabolic waste from the muscles helps the entire body function optimally. And when your body is performing at its best, you feel less of the anxiety that could otherwise affect your gait, breathing, and posture, Denunzio says.

Even if you run fewer than 10 miles a week, you'll see long-term results from regular massage. "You're maximizing your ability to enjoy running for years to come," says Cimbala. Deigan, who has been running for 49 years, is proof of that. "Massage has given my running longevity," the 63-year-old says. "I'm in tune with my body. I can recognize when something is off and take steps to correct it."

Therapists usually recommend a weekly hour-long massage, but that depends on individual need. For some runners, once every six weeks is enough. Just be sure to never get a deep sports massage before or after a race, warns Cimbala. "Sports massage changes muscle tissue at a deep, structural level, and that can have a huge impact on your performance," she says. Allow at least 48 hours between your last intensive massage and a race.

Finding a massage therapist who understands all of this is key. So see a licensed practitioner who specializes in sports massage and has experience with runners. Visit the American Massage Therapist Association's Web site (amtamassage.org ) for a listing.

Dare To Indulge In These Sinful Foods
Many "banned" foods are actually good for runners. Here's how to eat like a king
by Kristen Wolfe Bieler

What was on your mind the last time you polished off a bowl of guacamole? The mileage you'd need to run to burn it off? The fast you'd begin after the last bite to make up for the calories? Chances are, you weren't thinking "health food" as you sank a corn chip into the creamy rich dip, but there are many nutritionists who would encourage runners to do just that.

Having downed a few bowls of guacamole in his time, Scott Fisher, R.D., director of the Active Training and Nutrition Center in Englewood, New Jersey, promotes the nutritional value of the misunderstood avocado. He admits that the bulk of its calories come from fat, but says it's the monounsaturated type that actually lowers blood cholesterol. "Avocados are also full of antioxidants and rich in lutein, which helps prevent cataracts and blindness," says Fisher. "They also happen to be the highest fruit source of vitamin E."

But it's not just avocados. Runners have a tendency to relegate all mouth-watering foods to the avoid-at-all-costs category when, in fact, most of these foods have many redeeming nutritional qualities. While no one is promoting chocolate as the new wheat germ, dietitians offer compelling reasons for runners to enjoy many of life's decadent culinary pleasures.

Take the crustacean, another maligned delicacy. "People mistakenly think shrimp and lobster are high in cholesterol, but they actually have about the same amount as lean poultry," says Fisher. Low in fat overall, lobsters and the like are also an important source of vitamin B, calcium, and zinc. And while we're on the subject of seafood, even caviar is considered nutrient-rich and low in calories for the amount consumed (about 40 calories a tablespoon). A dense source of protein, amino acids, and omega-3 fatty acids, caviar also contains vitamins A, D, and E.

Don't hesitate to wash down your beluga with a glass of champagne, either. Moderate wine consumption has long been linked to a decreased risk of heart disease and cancer, is proven to lower bad cholesterol, and may even help ward off Alzheimer's disease. If that isn't enough to get you to uncork a bottle, a recent Harvard Medical School study found that the compound resveratrol, present only in red wine, mimics the life-lengthening effects of calorie reduction.

Looking for an excuse to order a milkshake? Research by Michael B. Zemel, Ph.D., director of the Nutrition Institute at the University of Tennessee, concludes that drinking milk can help burn fat. When deprived of calcium, the body produces higher levels of the hormone calcitriol, which triggers increased production of fat cells. And weight loss is enhanced when the calcium is consumed in the form of milk and milk-based products, as opposed to calcium tablets.

Make it a chocolate milkshake, while you're at it. Recent discoveries reveal chocolate—the darker the better—contains antioxidants, which increase good cholesterol, help prevent cancer and heart disease, and lower blood pressure (more so, some believe, than red wine). Researchers at the University of Westminster discovered that merely sniffing chocolate boosts the immune system. And it's probably not a coincidence that so many runners experience chocolate cravings, as the same feel-good endorphins released in the body while running are also thought to be released after eating foods such as chocolate.

Few dietitians (or animal rights activists) would endorse foie gras. But one study by a Canadian pharmaceutical company in cooperation with the French National Institute for Medical Research found that the people in the Gascony region of southwest France, who eat more foie gras than anyone else in the world, have half the number of heart attacks as the rest of France—and the French already have a lower risk of heart attack than Americans.

But the benefits of indulging in these foods come not only from the nutrients they provide. "I promote all things in moderation, including moderation," says Linda Houtkooper, Ph.D., R.D., a nutrition consultant for USA Track & Field, and sports nutritionist at the University of Arizona. "There are times when you need to thoroughly enjoy foods that give you pleasure. And if you can learn to not feel guilty about it, you are healthier overall." Houtkooper sees many runners living in a constant state of deprivation, which can lead to health problems down the road.

Runners need to remember their sport is an incredible calorie burner. That means a runner can—and probably should—indulge more often than a couch warmer. "One of the reasons I run marathons is so I can treat myself more often," says Scott Fisher. His personal strategy: Choose a day or two during the week when you plan to indulge, ideally around a great workout. Planning ahead makes it less likely you'll overindulge and also gives you something to look forward to—like a visit from Ben and Jerry, perhaps?

The Seven Healthy Sins
Indulgent foods that actually improve your health

Avocado
Replace mayo with slices of avocado in your sandwich. You'll save calories and boost vitamin E stores. (Two tablespoons of avocado have five grams of fat and 55 calories.)

Caviar
Celebrate after a race or workout by topping a smoked salmon appetizer with environmentally-friendly and protein-dense American caviar. (One ounce has 15.2 grams of mostly unsaturated fat and 70 calories.)

Chocolate
At least once a week, enjoy an ounce of chocolate for its disease-fighting antioxidants. Remember: dark has more antioxidants than milk chocolate. (One ounce has 10 grams of fat and 150 calories.)

Lobster
The night before the big race, host a lobster bake for your training partners so you can top off your calcium, zinc, and vitamin B stores. (Three ounces of lobster has 1 gram of fat and 85 calories.)

Milkshake
When watching your weight, reward yourself with a calcium-rich banana milkshake, which will actually help burn fat. (A shake made with two cups of two-percent milk and one ripe banana has 226 calories.)

Shrimp
Jazz up that veggies-only salad by topping it with cooked shrimp. Your muscles will thank you for the extra protein. (One ounce of shrimp has one gram of fat and 90 calories.)

Wine
No need to wait until the weekend to imbibe. Toast your heart health with a daily glass of wine—red provides the most health benefits. (A five-ounce glass of red wine contains 100 calories.)

Foods You Can Use
Hard facts on the best snacks for runners

Cantaloupe Just one cup of fresh cantaloupe provides:
Total-body recovery—over 100 percent of the Daily Value (DV) of vitamin A, with over half of it coming from the antioxidant beta-carotene, which helps protect against the muscle and tissue damage caused by intense workouts
Enhanced immunity—over 100 percent of the DV of vitamin C, a powerful antioxidant that helps strengthen your immune system
Electrolyte balance—over 50 percent of the DV of potassium to keep you well hydrated
Heart protection—about 10 percent of the DV of folate to help prevent heart disease

Montana plane crash 'fatalities' hike to safety
Survival of Forest Service workers called 'unbelievable miracle'
The Associated Press

Flathead County Sheriff's Office / The Daily Inter Lake
Wreckage of a single-engine plane is seen strewn on the north slope of Mount Liebig in the Great Bear Wilderness.

SEATTLE - Two Forest Service workers who were believed killed in a fiery plane crash huddled together to stay warm in the freezing temperatures of the Montana wilderness, and one was in such excruciating pain that he had trouble bending over to get water from a stream, a doctor said Thursday.

New details of the workers’ miraculous survival emerged Thursday as one of their doctors held a news conference to discuss their recovery, and their families described the shock of learning the news just as they were making funeral arrangements.

"We were putting together his obituary," said Matthew Ramige's mother, Wendy Becker. "We were consoling each other and the Forest Service rushed in and told us we had to get to the hospital because he walked out. We were in disbelief."

Ramige, 29, and Jodee Hogg, 23, walked away from the Monday crash in northwest Montana and emerged from the wilderness on a highway Wednesday afternoon, a day after both the Flathead County sheriff and the U.S. Forest Service had announced their deaths. Three others died in the crash.

Full recovery expected
Hogg was in stable condition Thursday at Kalispell Regional Medical Center in Montana. Ramige was in serious condition at a Seattle hospital with a spinal fracture and burns over 20 percent of his body on his hands, face and chest. But his doctor said he should fully recover and be back at work by next spring.

Dr. David Heimbach said the pair endured temperatures that fell to 20 degrees by huddling together to stay warm. They remained by the plane for a day and a half, hoping someone would come to rescue them, but decided to walk out when no one arrived, he said.

Chris Jordan / The Daily Inter Lake
Rescue workers unload a gurney bearing Matthew Ramige from a helicopter at Kalispell Regional Hospital on Wednesday.

Ramige, who will be at Harborview Medical Center for about a month, was in intense pain during his trek, Heimbach said.

"His biggest trouble was trying to bend over to get some water out of the streams," he said.

The crash occurred near the southern edge of Glacier National Park. The workers intended to conduct an annual vegetation inventory and repair telecommunication facilities, but crashed in stormy weather about 15 minutes into the flight.

"It's just an unbelievable miracle. You look at that crash site, that wreckage, you'd never believe anyone could have survived," said Flathead County Sheriff Jim Dupont.

Dupont said the aircraft went from more than 100 mph to zero in less than 40 feet.

"Who can survive that?" Dupont asked. A fire "literally melted everything."

Heimbach did not discuss how the pair survived the wreck itself, and Becker said she had not asked her son about the crash because she thought it would be too traumatic.

No signs of survivors
Undersheriff Chuck Curry, who heads the search-and-rescue team, said he met with family members Wednesday evening who were upset about the premature declaration that all five people aboard had died.

Curry said he looked around the crash site for signs that anyone might have survived.

"There were no footprints leaving the site, no piled rocks, no written message — nothing indicating anyone had survived or left the area," he said. "I specifically searched for those kinds of signs."

Ramige's grandmother, Clara Becker, spent the past two days making funeral arrangements for Ramige in Pittsburgh, where he grew up, when she got the call from her daughter that Ramige survived.

"You almost wanted to say, is this a cruel hoax? Are you kidding?," Becker said. "It's so unbelievable."

Becker immediately called the funeral director, pastor and local newspaper, where the family had planned to place an obituary, to tell them about the good news.

"You can't believe the elation," said Jim Hogg, Jodee's father.

Ramige graduated from the University of Montana with a degree in forestry, and was an outdoors lover who enjoyed golfing, skiing and hiking. His grandmother said Ramige possessed natural survival instinct, which may have helped him walk away from the wreck.

Jim Long, 60, was piloting the plane. Also on board was Ken Good, 58, an employee of the Flathead National Forest and Davita Bryant, 32, another Forest Service employee.

The Wild File
Your weird and wacky questions answered
By Brad Wetzler



Q) If bees take nectar from poisonous plants, will they make poisonous honey? Drew Craven, Traverse City, Michigan

A) Legend has it that in the first century B.C., Roman troops under the command of Pompey ate a batch of bad honey and were trampled in battle, but modern bee experts wonder whether such a calamity is even possible. According to Jim Cane, an entomologist with the U.S. Department of Agriculture in Logan, Utah, poison honey could result only if all the bees in a particular hive collected nectar from plants that contain alkaloids toxic to humans—such as ragwort, azaleas, and rhododendrons. But in the buzzing reality of daily life, bees collect from hundreds of types of plants, so whatever toxins they pick up are diluted to the point of harmlessness. Bottom line? Fear not. But if you must worry, take your honey by the tablespoon rather than the bucket.

Q) I've heard coconut juice can be used as a blood substitute—true? Paul Povey, Gig Harbor, Washington

A) Gilligan, it's a good thing you came to the Professor before trying this. The thin, semisweet "water" inside a coconut (not called milk, which is processed from the coconut meat) can't carry oxygen, so it can't stand in for blood. But it contains important nutrients like glucose, potassium, and calcium, so it can, like saline, be introduced into the bloodstream to rehydrate patients who are unable to swallow. The British, Japanese, and U.S. militaries employed this technique in the South Pacific during World War II, and even today it's used as a stopgap in places like the Solomon Islands when supplies are scarce, according to California E.R. doctors Darilyn and Troy Falck, who have done so, and saved lives with it. The setup is simple: Suspend coconut over patient, run transfusion tubing from coconut's eye to human's arm, insert IV needle, and let it flow. But go easy. Too much of the juice would be toxic, due to its high potassium content. A typical patient's limit? Four nuts per day, tops.

Q) What's the windiest place in the solar system? Amy Waddell, Los Angeles, California

A) If Winnie the Pooh took in a blustery day on Neptune, he would become Winnie the Projectile—wind speeds there routinely reach 900 miles per hour in the atmosphere. (Neptune being a giant ball of gas, it has no surface on which to measure surface wind speed.) Why is the eighth planet from the sun so blowy? We don't know. According to Adam Showman, a planetary-science professor at the University of Arizona, scientists can estimate wind speeds on distant orbs by tracking the movement of clouds and dust, but they don't know why one planet is windier than another. While they sort that out, chalk up one more reason to appreciate life on Earth. While the fastest recorded wind here, occurring on the ground in an Oklahoma tornado, was a hair- raising 318 miles per hour, the average wind speed on the surface is a much more bearable 10 to 20 mph.

POP QUIZ

A reader with settlin' on his mind wrote to ask if it's STILL POSSIBLE TO HOMESTEAD anywhere. Not in this country. In 1976, Congress repealed the Homestead Act of 1862, which granted 160 acres to anyone who would inhabit and farm it for five years. That said, there are opportunities. One dying Kansas town, Marquette, is giving away two-thirds-of-an-acre plots to anybody who moves there and builds a home. Some countries, like India, offer varying amounts of free land to companies or individuals that invest large amounts in local industry—but you probably don't have that kind of scratch. Your most affordable option? The African nation of Zambia. Seeking to ease a decades-long food shortage, that country's government recently started leasing vast swaths of unfarmed land to foreigners for as little as 50 cents an acre (sod house not included).

Q) Do plants go potty?
Haynes Werner, W. Glacier, MT (Age 4)

A) Plants and people work in very different ways, so comparing them is a bad idea—but for an eager sprout like you we'll make an exception. One big difference involves how they take in nutrition. As Gary Watson, a botanist at Chicago's Morton Arboretum, puts it, "Plants build up, and people break down." In other words, humans get their nutrients by gobbling food, with help from a complex digestive system that breaks the grub down into substances the body can use. Plants make their own food, from a dozen basic building blocks that they borrow from the environment. Since people are less discriminating about their intake than plants are, most of what they eat must be disposed of as waste. A plant takes only what it needs to convert carbon dioxide and water into victuals, using energy from the sun, so there is no waste, only extra oxygen plus some sugar water that seeps out of its roots. Even this is put to good use: It's food to the fungi and bacteria in the soil. "I wouldn't call that waste," says Watson. "I'd call it sharing."

Q) Is it possible to see the North Star and the Southern Cross from the same spot?
Kirk Mason, Rio Rancho, NM

A) For those who snoozed through Astronomy 101, the North Star, a.k.a. Polaris, which sits above the north celestial pole, and the Southern Cross, a crucifix-shaped constellation that points to the North Star's counterpart, Sigma Octanis, have been crucial navigational aids through the ages. Yes, you can see them at the same time—you could even build a nice vacation around it. "Try Jamaica from March till June," says Geoff Chester, an astronomer at the U.S. Naval Observatory, in Washington, D.C. During those months, Westerners can see the Southern Cross up to about 22 degrees north—e.g., the upper Caribbean. The North Star is visible year-round if you're situated more than five degrees north of the equator. South of that, it's usually too close to the horizon to be seen—a fact that European sailors learned the hard way when sailing the planet's midsection.

Q) What's the highest mountain that ever existed on earth?
Leigh Ann Roberts, Nashville, TN

A) No one's sure, but according to Chuck Barnes, geology professor emeritus at Northern Arizona University, it's doubtful there's ever been a mountain much higher than ol' 29,035-foot Everest. Blame it on Archimedes' Principle: Mountains "float" on the earth's slightly denser mantle just as a ship floats on water; add more height (meaning weight) and the mountain will sink farther into the mantle. On smaller planets, with less gravity, mountains are able to get taller—thus, a Sherpa on Mars would have to climb 88,000 vertical feet to summit Olympus Mons, the highest mountain in the solar system. Still, Barnes says, it's reasonable to think that our planet once hosted other mountains in the Everest ballpark: Evidence strongly suggests that 200 million years ago, the Appalachians were similar in size to today's Himalayas.

Q) Why do loons have red eyes?
Susanna Weber, Stevens Point, WI

A) We can rule out hangovers, but after that, things get sketchy. Loons, like a dozen other U.S. species, are born with gray eyes that turn red in their second year. It's not clear why, but David Evers, a biologist at the University of Southern Maine, says some theories hold more water than others. Bright colors can help female birds pick out sexier males, but it's size and plumage that count to a loon, not the eyes. More plausible is that red eyes filter out the green and blue light that dominates in deep lakes, making the yellow perch that loons prey on stand out better. But that theory's iffy, too: Loons spend their winters in salt water, hunting different-colored fish. It may be that loons have red eyes not because they're useful but because they used to be useful—in other words, maybe they're just evolutionary remnants, like your tonsils, whose original function has been lost.

Q) Which animal makes the shortest migration?
Ned Balbo, Baltimore, Maryland

A) Migration can mean many things, and one scientist's definition might not jibe with another's. Some would call daily movements to and fro a form of migration; by this standard, the short-distance champ might be Convoluta roscoffensis, a species of marine flatworm that lives between grains of beach sand. These creatures migrate to the surface at low tide and burrow back down at high tide—a round-trip of less than eight inches. Then there are vertical migrations, as with Dall sheep, which might descend just a few hundred feet for the winter. But if you mean seasonal migration from one area to another, there are several you'd hardly notice. Many amphibians, like the Yosemite toad, travel less than a quarter-mile each spring, from meadows to the pools where they breed. Yet even this outdoes the lowly spotted salamander, whose annual pilgrimage takes it between 100 and 1,000 feet—still, that's a trek for a salamander.

Q) What is the Specter of the Brocken, and what causes it?
Mike Brown, Bellingham, Washington

A) Named for Germany's foggy 3,747-foot Brocken peak, where climbers have observed it for centuries, this optical effect—also called a mountain specter—usually occurs when you're high above a heavy cloud or fog bank and the sun is directly behind you—conditions rare enough that many mountaineers have never seen one, though airline passengers flying above clouds often witness specters of the planes they're on. If you ever see the Specter, which looks like a giant human figure, what you're witnessing is your shadow projected onto the cloud, usually surrounded by multicolored rings, or "glories," so as to resemble an angelic vision. But you haven't arrived at the pearly gates. As Jeffrey Lew, an atmospheric scientist at UCLA, explains, when sunlight hits the backs of water droplets and bounces back, it skims the surface of the drops; this can cause interference, which appears to us in the form of rings. "In the old days, only climbers saw them, and they got really freaked out," says Lew. "Now all you have to do is look out from your window seat as you nurse a bloody mary."

Q) Do whales shiver?
Jim Wells, Chicago, Illinois

A) The shivering mechanism is an involuntary heat-producing tremble seen in most mammals, but it's never been observed in whales. According to John Heyning, a marine biologist at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County, that's probably because whales don't need to shiver—their superefficient thermoregulation systems keep their body temperatures steady whether they're off the coast of Hawaii or in 30-degree Arctic water. The big guys' main defense, of course, is the subdermal layer of fatty tissue called blubber, which in a bowhead whale can be 20 inches thick. Leviathans also can shut off blood flow to their fins and flukes if they need to preserve core body heat, thanks to uniquely designed heat-regulating blood vessels. So if you ever do see a whale shiver, beware: The ghost of Ahab may be about.

Q) Why does water expand as it cools, while everything else seems to contract?
Lincoln Bleveans, Pawling, New York

A) Actually, water does contract until it gets down to about 39 degrees Fahrenheit. Like most matter, it's composed of molecules that move more slowly as heat is removed, causing the spaces between them to shrink. But water's a little funky. As the temperature approaches the freezing point, says John Chen, an applied scientist at Dartmouth, H2O molecules rearrange themselves in 3-D structures called lattices—series of six-sided rings of molecules connected by hydrogen bonding. Because water molecules can bond only at certain angles, these lattices are full of empty space, and the solid takes up more room than the liquid. The result? Your ice tray overfloweth.

Don't follow the leader
By Alan Goldsher

Open up the latest issue of G.Q., and what do you see? Guys wearing cool suits, cool shirts or cool pants. You see clean shaven guys with purposefully mussed hair, or guys with artfully carved facial stubble and totally shorn heads. You see guys with shined shoes, and guys with subtle jewelry. Basically, you see guys with style.

Walk through your average mall, and what do you see? Guys who clearly don’t read G.Q. These guys pay attention to other guys who, fashion-wise, are stuck in 1987. Thus these mall-walkers are, in a sense, trendsetters—albeit most of the trends they set are seriously lame. This isn't to say you have to emulate a G.Q. boy to look good, but you'd do well to avoid the following:

The ponytail. If you're sporting a long ponytail, the general public might think you’re a wannabe hippie. If you’re sporting a medium-sized ponytail, the general public might think you’re too lazy to get a haircut. If you're sporting a short ponytail, the general public might think you're a hopelessly out-of-touch record executive. Nicely styled long hair is perfectly swell—just leave that scrunchy at home.

The single earring. Back in the ’80s, it was said that if a guy wore only one earring, you could get an idea of his sexual preference, depending on which of his lobes was pierced. Today, if a guy wears one earring, you can get an idea of his lack of taste, regardless of which lobe is pierced. Get both ears pierced and be symmetrical, or don't get pierced at all. (Note: A single earring often shares a head with a ponytail. This is a situation where two wrongs most definitely don't make a right.)

Loafers without socks. Sockless loafers with jeans don't work. Sockless loafers with shorts don’t work. Sockless loafers with anything don't work. Plus most loafers don't breathe well, so if you wear them sans socks, you run the risk of developing toe cheese.

The goatee. A quick refresher course in facial hair terminology: A Van Dyke is a mustache/chin-hair combo, and if you keep it neatly trimmed, it can look very cool. A soul patch is a little blip of hair under your lower lip, and if it's carved and sized just right, it too can be exceedingly hip. A goatee is a blob of hair on your chin, and it isn’t the least bit stylish—it just looks like somebody glued a blob of hair on your chin.

The comb-over. If you develop male-pattern baldness, roll with it. Take what you have, and get it styled so it looks, y'know, stylish. Or, if there's not enough there to style—and if you have a nicely shaped head—chop it all off. Not only will a total buzz make you look enigmatic and dangerous, but it’ll give you the opportunity to fudge the truth about your scalp: "I'm not going bald—I have tons of hair. I just like the way it looks when it's shaved."

10 Tips for Jewish Genealogy

Cultural identity isn't always a question of precise geography. Take Jewish genealogy, for example. For millennia, Jewish communities have been uprooted and scattered across continents, making family lines notoriously difficult to trace. But as no family history is impossible to track, Ancestry.com has compiled the following list of tips for those just beginning their Jewish genealogy.

1) Living Relatives
Before venturing into the unknown, it helps to know as much about your personal history as possible. Because older family members can answer many of your initial questions, you'll want to begin your research by interviewing living relations.

2) Nationality
Your family's nationality should be among your first key discoveries. Most Jewish-Americans can trace their ancestry to one of the following ethnicities - Dutch, German, Russian, Lithuanian, Polish, Rumanian, or Sephardic (Spanish and Portuguese Jews). Identifying your nationality comparatively early in the process will help in locating records from your ancestral homeland.

3) Religious Caste
Religious caste (or tribal lineage) is another important clue. The three Jewish castes, Cohanim, Leviim and Israelite, can help determine your surname origin. The surname Levy, for example, denotes that one descends from the Leviim caste. Often, information about your surname and tribal lineage will help you narrow your search to a particular cultural subset.

4) Vital Records
While birth, death and marriage certificates are helpful research tools, they are difficult to find because synagogues seldom keep them on file. As a result, it's important to locate alternative vital records such as obituaries, wedding announcements, social security applications, census records, ketubah (marriage) contracts, family bibles, and prayer books.

search vital records

5) Cemetery Research
Jewish tombstones traditionally incorporate a Hebrew "sacred name" called the shem ha'kodesh. This inscription reveals the name of the deceased as well as the deceased person's father, thus providing the identity of yet another paternal ancestor. Similar to a tombstone is a yahrzeit, or memorial plaque, used to commemorate an ancestor's death. Housed in synagogues and yeshivas, a yahrzeit will typically include a date of death, descendents, and the shem ha'kodesh.

6) Landsmanshaft Societies
Social organizations called "landsmanshaft" became commonplace in America owing to the tide of Jewish immigration beginning in the 19th Century. Membership in a landsmanshaft was based on the immigrant's town of origin. Because cemeteries were often organized into landsmanshaft plots, one can pinpoint an ancestor's town of origin through the location of his or her burial site.

7) Migration
Jewish citizenship records and ships' passenger lists exist in family history libraries and the National Archives in Washington D.C. Even without these records, an ancestor's approximate arrival time can be traced according to Jewish migration patterns. The first Jewish settlers in America were Dutch, arriving in the mid-17th Century. Sephardic Jews arrived in the 18th Century with German, Eastern European, and Russian Jews immigrating between the mid-19th and early 20th centuries.

8) Naming Patterns
When naming children, many Jewish-Americans adhere to either the Ashkenazic or Sephardic tradition. According to the Ashkenazic tradition, children are named for deceased relatives. Sephardic custom dictates that children be named for specific relatives (typically grandparents) who are still living. These names can provide a direct map to the earlier generations of your family.

9) The Holocaust
Organizations like the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum and the American Red Cross can help you trace entire family lines that have been lost. Yad Vashem's Hall of Names in Jerusalem offers a database of more than 3 million names - representing half of the 6 million Jews who were killed during the Holocaust.
For more information on these organizations, visit the following websites:

United States Holocaust Memorial Museum
American Red Cross Holocaust and War Victims Tracing and Information Center
Yad Vashem's Hall of Names

10) Additional Resources
JewishGen is one of the largest online Jewish Genealogy networks. The website incorporates extensive databases, discussion groups and the latest genealogical research. Similarly, the "Avotaynu" is the foremost publication among serious Jewish genealogists. For more information, visit the following links:

http://www.jewishgen.org/
http://www.avotaynu.com/

Family History Crafts for Kids

Kids are as eager as adults to learn about their ancestry. So why not incite their enthusiasm by introducing them early to the fun of family history? Below are a few simple crafts that will ease your children into the hobby.

• Family Trees: If you've decided to display your genealogy, ask your children to help you construct a homemade family tree. Your children can participate by writing their names and pasting their photos onto the tree. (Make sure not to use original photographs of your ancestors.)

• Autograph Books: Encourage your children to keep ancestor autograph books. At family get-togethers, they can ask relatives to write personal messages.

• Paper Dolls: Make historic paper dolls. Photocopy your ancestors' faces from old photographs and then glue them to the dolls.

• Handmade Dolls: Help your children make old-fashioned rag dolls or cornhusk dolls. You can extend this project for several months by teaching your children to sew period clothing. These heirloom toys will help them appreciate what childhood was like in the "old days."

• Dollhouses: Build a dollhouse that is a close replica of your grandparents' ancestral home. Your children can help you paint the house and select the right furniture. As you build the house, share memories of your ancestors and the places they once lived.

• Recipes: For your next family get-together, ask your children to help you prepare a historic supper. Use old family recipes that have been passed down through generations. You can also hand out copies of the recipes to your dinner guests.

• Ancestor Bookmarks: Scan photos of your ancestors then transfer them to simple word documents. Include a few interesting biographical facts beneath each photo. Your children can then color and decorate the bookmarks before you have them laminated.

• Homemade Newspapers: Assign each of your children an "article" about one of their ancestors. Each article can incorporate anecdotes about that particular relative. When complete, compile the articles (complete with hand-drawn illustrations) into your family's own newspaper.

• Heritage Maps: Buy a large map of the world. Using tacks or pushpins, have your children mark each place where a family member once lived.

• Grave Rubbings: Take your children to a cemetery where several of their ancestors are buried. Your children will enjoy looking for tombstones with familiar family names. Bring crayons along for gravestone rubbings. Just remember to keep a close eye on your children - loose tombstones can be dangerous.

• Treasure Albums: Instead of starting scrapbooks long after your children have grown, encourage your kids to keep treasure albums while they're still fairly young. Allow them to be as creative as they like, compiling everything from school papers and drawings, to photos, newspaper clippings and handwritten journal entries.

Ten Steps to Recording Your Personal History
– Juliana Smith

As family historians, we often forget that we are an important part of our family's history. It should be easy to write our own life story, since we know more about ourselves than anyone else, but we still tend to put it off. Here are a few ideas to help get your personal history project off the ground.

1. Schedule some "me" time.
With today's busy schedules, we often find ourselves rushing from one task to the next, with little time for ourselves. By scheduling a little time to record your personal history, you are allowing time for yourself to reflect on the day and on your life as a whole; this can often be very therapeutic. It can be whenever is most convenient for you—after a hectic day, before the morning rush, or while your spouse is watching a TV show you despise.

2. Make it convenient.
By choosing a method that is convenient, you will be more likely to follow through. If you are more comfortable in front of the computer, create a file for your journal there. You can choose your own platform—from specialized software to a basic word-processing document. If you are more comfortable with a journal and pen, find one that you can take with you anywhere. You can fill it out while you are on a swing in the garden, in a doctor's waiting room, on break or lunch at work, in bed, on an exercise bike, on a bus, train, or plane, or even in a car (preferably not while driving though!).

3. Do a little at a time.
While the task of documenting your personal history may seem overwhelming at first, if you do it a little at a time, you will find it much less intimidating. If you focus on smaller periods of your life and don't try to record it all at once, the project will seem much more manageable. If you think of something for another period, you can jot down a note for later reference. It doesn't necessarily have to be done in chronological order, and you can pick and choose your focus as the mood strikes or as memories are stirred.

4. Interview yourself.
If you have a hard time or are not comfortable with traditional forms of journal writing, you might want to interview yourself, just as you would other family members. Ask yourself the questions you would ask an ancestor if you had the opportunity.

5. Liven it up with current events.
By including events that were in the news during the period you are recording, your history will be more illuminating as you set it against the context of the times. You may also find that by recalling historical events, you will be stirring more personal memories.

6. Jog your memory.
Events are not the only thing that can bring back memories. Photographs, letters or cards, yearbooks, and other memorabilia can all serve to bring back those memories that have been pushed to the back of your brain. Familiar smells and sounds can also be powerful memory stimulants.

7. Introduce your friends and family.
Include tidbits about those around you. By including friends and family, your descendants will have better insight into family relations and the way you interact with others.

8. Let your light shine through.
By sharing your thoughts, ideals, favorite quotes, and jokes, you will give your readers a glimpse into your true self and let them know what a truly unique and wonderful person you are!

9. Get help online.
There are many sites online that can give ideas, stimulation, and information to help you create a captivating personal history. Here are a few:

Writing the Journey: Online Journal Writing Website
www.writingthejourney.com/
(I really liked this site and will be going back to visit myself! It includes ideas, information about journal-keeping software, a free newsletter, an online workshop, exercises to improve your journal-writing skills, and more.)

“Seven Thoughts About Keeping a Journal,” by John E. Lane
www.wofford.edu/studyabroad/journal.htm

10. Make it fun.
There are no rules. If you have fun creating your memoirs, your readers will most likely have fun reading it. Be as creative as you want, and include whatever you want. Photos, textiles, maps, pressed flowers from your garden, news or magazine articles, receipts, recipes, song lyrics or poetry, favorite quotations and jokes, cards you've received, a picture of a sunset—anything that makes you happy or sad or makes you think.
However you choose to preserve your memories, they will be a reflection of you and your devotion to preserving your family history, and your family will love you for it!

Tough Questions for Difficult Times
We asked Dr. Bruce Perry: How do you talk to your young child about war?

Q. Children who see war-related images on TV are asking a lot of questions. How should we deal with them?
A. Give clear and accurate answers. Children find it easier to deal with the known rather than the unknown. It is very important, however, not to overwhelm them with the nonstop discussion provided by the media.

If your child talks about war or Iraq or Saddam Hussein, try to get him to tell you what he thinks. Young children have very little understanding of what this all means. It is more likely that they have many inaccurate ideas — which, in turn, may be the source of unrealistic fears. When you can, try to give direct and concise information.

Q. Some children are not asking questions but seem more anxious than they had been before. Are they experiencing “war worry”?
A. Some specific symptoms of “war worry” include more irritability, difficulties in concentration, or preoccupation with themes related to power, control, and safety. Some children may regress and manifest behaviors that you have not seen for a while, such as tantrums, sleeping in their parents’ bed, and toileting problems. If you sit down and talk with your child, he may minimize any fears or act as if he doesn’t have any concerns. Often children become anxious and are unaware of why. So don’t worry if he can’t tell you. Reassure him that he is safe and that anytime he wants to talk about things that upset him he can come to you. Don’t have long discussions about “the war” — kids under 8 will get little from this.

Q. Teachers and parents mention seeing more gun- and swordplay. Should we discourage it?
A. Increased play with weapons is not surprising when the general atmosphere for a child is increasingly alarming. The most dominant images and techniques for protection and safety that our children have been exposed to come from the pervasive media images of martial arts and weapons. When a child cannot regulate his use of these toys, or when he uses them in inappropriate ways, limiting access would be a reasonable choice.

Fantasy play in an atmosphere of unpredictability or fear will have more use of hero and heroine characters. Books, films, toys, and art that depict “good guys” will be more compelling to young children. Remember, children are powerless. It helps them feel safer if they can create fantasy worlds where they have control and power. The key is moderation.

Bring true heroes and heroines into talks with your child to show how courage, persistence, patience, words, and nonviolent actions led to victory. The more we expose our children to problem-solving behaviors other than violence, the more likely they are to see that the best solutions come from forming relationships and alliances, from persuasion and understanding—not intolerance, fear, attacking, and conquering.

Q. As hard as we try, sometimes our own anxieties come across. Children sense this, don’t they?
A. Children are emotional barometers. If the adults in a child’s life are anxious, preoccupied, or distressed, chances are a child will perceive this. And, when a child feels this persistent, low-level alarm, behavior will change accordingly. The anxious child will think and act in a less mature fashion and be more difficult to teach and parent.

Remember, our children live in a small world — home, school, and neighborhood. They will better adapt and be more productive and creative if we keep their small world safe, consistent, and nurturing.

When Your Child Has Trouble
5 ways you can help when your child has difficulty relating to peers.
By Peggy Schmidt

Especially if your child has learning differences, he may have trouble with social interactions. "Understanding what someone is saying and being able to react to it quickly and appropriately is critical to being part of a conversation. But some children cannot do that without help," says Juliet Melamid, a speech therapist and counselor who conducts social skill workshops for children.

Children with ADHD can also have difficulty taking and waiting for turns, playing by the rules, and reacting appropriately if they're not winning. But that doesn't mean that the child who is different socially — whether it's due to learning problems or not — can't be included. Your child can learn the social etiquette of play, how to avoid and resolve conflicts, and how to put herself in someone else's shoes. Try these strategies to help teach her how to survive in our very social world.

Role-play appropriate and inappropriate social behavior.Teach your child how to avoid and resolve conflicts.Help your childanticipate what to expect — and what's expected of her — at social gatherings.Ask school staff for helpHave your child participate in a supervised social skills group.

Role-play appropriate and inappropriate social behavior. With children who are seven or under, you may need to teach the process of role-playing as well as which behaviors work best, says Melamid.

• Choose roles. You may need to play several, even all of, the roles until your child feels comfortable participating. Using puppets can help.

• Act out the scene. Start with a line such as, "If you don't let me play this game, I'm going to steal the ball and not give it back," if you're playing the role of your own child. An adult might say: "What's going on here? Why is Cameron crying?" There are no "rules" about what anyone says.

• Afterwards, ask questions about what happened. Congratulate him if he recognizes actions and words that are appropriate; if he didn't, ask a question to help him figure things out. For example: "Do you think that running away will help the little girl get invited into her classmates' game?" Sometimes you'll have to explain why a certain tactic is unlikely to get a good result.

With children eight and older, "it's most useful to problem solve and role-play after a difficult situation has occurred," says John T. Brentar, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in learning differences and social development. Wait until your child is calm and in control, and try to focus on one behavior at a time to maximize success. When you do, keep these guidelines in mind:

• Be as concrete as possible. Go over what happened and why it was problematic, not just for your child but also for the other children or adults who were involved; but don't blame your son or daughter.

• Ask your child to come up with other ways he could behave if such a situation came up again. Discuss the pros and cons of solutions he comes up with.

• Role-play one or more solutions with him, so that he can practice saying and doing things in the right tone of voice and with appropriate body language. Throw in a few unexpected things that other children might do or say to see if he can come up with socially acceptable responses.

• Practice, practice, practice. A one-time effort is not likely to stick; it's important to repeat your role-plays, particularly in advance of a situation that may elicit unacceptable behavior.

Teach your child how to avoid and resolve conflicts. If his social skills aren't as well honed as his peers, you can help him enormously by teaching the ABC's of how to get along with others on the playground, in the classroom, and on play dates.

• "Stop, look, and listen." Children whose social skills are lacking often don't pay attention to how others are reacting. Talk about the importance of slowing down and taking a deep breath if something upsetting begins to happen. Teach her to use words to express her feelings about what's happening instead of lashing out physically or running away.

• Show your child how to apologize. Start by asking him to tell you which one of several apologies you suggest is the best one. Then rehearse how to deliver the apology effectively. Praise him for progress, and point out how he can continue to improve.

Help your child anticipate what to expect — and what's expected of her — at social gatherings. Whether she is headed to a friend's birthday party or to a family wedding, give her a preview of who'll be there and what might happen. This is particularly important for children with ADHD, who often act inappropriately when they are overstimulated or in a new situation that makes them anxious.

• Be positive. Talk about what she is likely to enjoy at the event. If you're upbeat about it, she will look forward to going, too.

• Provide some simple rules of social etiquette. For example: Join in the group activity. Let the birthday boy open his own presents. Wait your turn.

• Come up with a signal that you can give him if you want him to stop or change a behavior.

• Let your child know that you will reward him for good behavior. Be as specific as you can about what exactly that means — for example, a certain number of reminders followed by a change in behavior.

• Keep an eye on your child at the event. If it's important to you to socialize with adult guests, consider hiring a babysitter who will monitor her.

Take cues from your child about her preferences in friends. "Parents can learn a lot about how to help their child make and keep friends by observing and helping identify problems with peers," says Melamid.

• Allow your child to play with a child a year or two younger if she feels comfortable with that. The friendship may allow her to function in a leadership role that is denied her by her more sophisticated peers at school and on the playground.

• Observe your child at play with other children. Look for reasons why successful play dates work and why others don't.

• Listen to your child. He may not be able to describe why he doesn't like playing with a particular friend. If you've observed their play, you may be able to ask him how he felt by reconstructing an incident you witnessed.

• Don't force your child to play with children he can't handle. It's better to put a hiatus on play dates unless you're willing to be very involved during the time they're together.

Be involved in play dates to insure success. If your child has behavioral problems, your active participation when peers come over to play can make a big difference. You, or your caregiver if you're not at home, should:

In advance:

• Prepare your child. If you know that he feels uncomfortable sharing certain possessions, ask him to select them in advance and put them out of sight.

• Talk about the importance of doing things the guest enjoys. Discuss possible activities so that she can say, "We could build a castle, play checkers, or play outside — what would you like to do?" If she has a short attention span, suggest activities that can be done in a short time.

• Arrange for a secret signal so that you can alert your child about inappropriate behavior during the play date without the friend noticing.

• Plan an activity if it's the first time the children are getting together or if you feel the play date will turn out better if it has more structure. Play games with the children, plan a baking or cooking project, supervise a craft activity, or take them to an indoor gym or play area.

During the play date:

• Let the children play by themselves (once you have confidence in your child's ability to behave reasonably well), but intervene when necessary. If your child wanders away during a game, for example, redirect his attention back to the game. Or suggest a short break.

• Monitor your child's behavior and give him the secret signal as needed. If he does something hurtful, get involved.

• Have a video ready in case the children have problems with their play.

When your child is invited for a play date, let the parent who has extended the invitation know what kind of activities or situations he is most likely to do well with. You don't need to say anything about his behavior issues specifically, but you can say, "John can get distracted in the middle of a board game and walk away, but if you remind him that the game isn't over, he'll get back into it."

Ask school staff for help. Let the teacher and playground supervisors know what you're trying to address with your child, and ask for their input on how you can work together. Some schools teach social skills to elementary and even middle-school students. You may want to bring up the idea to the principal or find out if it's an after-school project that the PTA might want to sponsor. If you're working with a psychologist or your child is attending a social skills group, ask the professional you're working with for suggestions on what information and recommendations to share with school staff.

Give your child regular feedback about his off-putting habits and behavior. The younger your child is, the easier it will be for you to give him guidance on how to be accepted by others. As children approach the middle-school years, they are much less receptive to your input unless you've worked hard to develop an easy rapport with them. Even if you do have such a relationship, you will probably have to wait for a cue from her to bring up what may be a delicate subject. "There's a fine line between reminding your child of what's appropriate and nagging," says Melamid.

Here are some of some of the biggest turn-offs both to peers and their parents, and, more importantly, how to state a reminder in positive, helpful language. Target one or two behaviors at a time for change.

• Monopolizing conversations; always talking about yourself. Positive reminder: "Listen to what others have to say and ask them questions about themselves."

• Talking too loudly. Positive reminder: "Practice turning down your volume."

• Making too many negative comments or put-downs. Positive reminder: "Don't say anything if you can't think of something positive to say. Compliment others when they do well."

• Getting mad when others won't do things your way. Positive reminder: "Be willing to listen to and try out other people's ideas."

• Bad table manners. Positive reminder: "Practice good manners at home so that you do them automatically when you're with people other than your family."

Have your child participate in a supervised social skills group. These groups provide a safe setting for children to practice new behaviors and get feedback from their peers about how successfully they do it. Therapists (usually speech/language therapists, family therapists, or psychologists) use a variety of structured and unstructured activities to coach participants in appropriate behavior.

"Social skill groups help children develop a repertoire of behavior and language skills through repetition," says Dr. Brentar, the psychologist. "Kids whose social skill problems are emotionally based can usually make great progress over the course of a year, while those with learning differences often stay in groups up to two years," he says.

How can you judge whether your child is a candidate for such a group? He may be if:

• He complains that he has no friends.

• He is not invited to birthday parties and social events with classmates and neighborhood children.

• He is withdrawn and spends a lot of time by himself (and would prefer to be with peers).

• He has as difficulty participating in team sports or group activities.

• He has social difficulties in the classroom (as reported by the teacher).

• He complains that classmates won't include him in recess activities, bully him, or ignore him.

• He resents or won't listen to your suggestions (which often occurs when children begin to feel more independent, at the age of nine, ten, or older).

To find out whether a social skills group is available in your area, contact your local parent resource organization, school community advisory committee, or CH.A.D.D. chapter.

Raising a Nonviolent Child
Six core strengths every child needs to be humane and to protect herself from violence.
By Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D.; introduction by Lisa Feder-Feitel

School shootings and the graphic violence we all see in the media change the way adults and children view the world -- from bright and full of promise to a dark and potentially dangerous place. Even at the tender age of two, a child may experience a bully's threat or imitate his favorite cartoon character and tackle a friend in the playground. Exposure to violence can change the way children feel, act, and behave. Yet some children are more resistant than others and a rare few are immune.

Children are born with a remarkable range of potential. They are not born violent, nor are they naturally immune to the effects of violence. Only through personal experience can a child become able to resist aggressive behavior. During these early years, you can increase your child's ability to be responsible, caring, and creative.

A Vaccine Against Violence
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D, a leading expert in brain development and children in crisis, has identified six core strengths that children need to be humane. A child with these strengths will be more resourceful, successful in social situations, and resilient, and even able to recover more quickly when exposed to violence. Without them, a child will be in greater danger of becoming violent and also less able to cope with verbal or physical abuse.

The Six Core Strengths
Violence infects our children. It is virulent in some and barely noticeable in others. Why do some children re-enact the violence they see on television while others do not? Why do some chronically teased children cope by developing a sense of humor, while others become self-loathing and still others plot to shoot their taunting peers? Most important, why do some children who make these murderous plans actually act on them?

It's almost impossible to answer these questions. We rarely know what makes a given child violent. But we do know that children who develop six core strengths rarely become violent. These strengths build upon each other to contribute to a child's emotional development. Together, they provide a strong foundation for future health, happiness, and productivity.

These core strengths provide a child with the framework for a life rich in family, friends, and personal growth. Our world changes daily and becomes increasingly diverse -- and how much more complex that world will be when our children become parents! Teaching children these core strengths gives them a gift they will use throughout their lifetimes. They will learn to live and prosper together with people of all kinds -- each bringing different strengths to create a greater whole.

1. Attachment: Being a Friend
Attachment is the capacity to form and maintain healthy emotional bonds with others. It is first acquired in infancy, as a child interacts with loving, responsive, and attentive parents and caregivers.

Why it's important: This core strength is the cornerstone of all the others. A baby's interactions with his parents create his first relationships. Healthy attachments allow him to love, to become a good friend, and to have a positive and useful model for future relationships.
As he grows, other consistent and nurturing adults such as teachers, family friends, and relatives will shape his ability to develop attachments. The attached child will be a better friend, student, and classmate -- which promotes all forms of learning.

When to worry: A child who has difficulty with this strength has a hard time making friends and trusting adults. He may show little empathy for others and act in what seems to be a remorseless way. Children unable to attach often lack the emotional anchors needed to buffer the violence they see. They may isolate themselves, act out, reject a peer's friendly overtures, or withdraw socially. With few friends, and apparently disconnected from their peers, they are also at greater risk when exposed to violence.
Read more about attachment

2. Self-Regulation: Thinking Before You Act
Developing and maintaining the ability to recognize and control urges -- such as hunger and sleep -- as well as feelings of frustration, anger, and fear -- is a lifelong process. Its roots begin with the external regulation provided by parents or significant caregivers, and its healthy growth depends on a child's experience and brain development.

Why it's important: Pausing a moment between an impulse and an action is a life tool that helps your child physiologically and emotionally. But it's a strength that must be developed -- she is not born with it. Our expectations must be age-appropriate. For instance, it's unreasonable to expect a 2-year-old to have complete bladder and bowel control before her body has matured.

When to worry: When a child does not develop the capacity to self-regulate, she will have problems sustaining friendships, learning, and controlling her behavior. She may blurt out a thoughtless and cruel remark and express hurt or anger with a shove or by knocking down another child's work. Just seeing a violent act may set her off or deeply upset her. Children who struggle with self-regulation are more reactive, immature, impressionable, and more easily overwhelmed by threats and violence.
Read more about self-regulation

3. Affiliation: Joining In
The capacity to be part of a group springs from our ability to form attachments. Affiliation is the glue for healthy human functioning: It allows us to form and maintain relationships with others -- and to create something stronger and more adaptive than we might be able to as individuals.

Why it's important: Human beings are social creatures. We are biologically designed to live, play, grow, and work in groups. Your family is your child's first and most important group, glued together by the strong emotional bonds of attachment. Most other groups that children join -- such as a preschool class or neighborhood playmates-- are based on circumstance or common interests. It's in these groups that children have thousands of brief emotional, social, and cognitive experiences that can help shape their development. And it is in these situations that children make stronger connections with peers -- their first friendships.

When to worry: A child who is afraid or otherwise unable to affiliate may suffer a self-fulfilling prophecy: She is more likely to be excluded, and she may feel socially isolated. Healthy development of the core strengths of attachment and self-regulation make affiliation much easier. But a distant, disengaged, or impulsive child won't be easily welcomed into a group. And in fact, she may act in ways that lead others to tease or actively avoid her.

The excluded child can take this pain and turn it on herself, becoming sad or self-loathing. Or she can direct it outward, becoming aggressive and even violent. Without intervention, she will be more likely to seek out other marginalized kids later in life, and affiliate with them. Unfortunately, the glue that holds these groups together can be beliefs and values that are self-destructive or hateful to those who have excluded them.
Read more about affiliation

4. Awareness: Thinking of Others
Awareness is the ability to recognize the needs, interests, skills, and values of others. Infants begin life self-absorbed and slowly develop the ability to see beyond themselves and to sense and categorize the other people in their world. At first this process is simplistic: "I am a boy and she is a girl. Her skin is brown and mine is white." As children grow, their awareness of differences and similarities becomes more complex.

Why it's important: The ability to read and respond to the needs of others is an essential element of human communication. An aware child learns about the needs and complexities of others by watching, listening, and forming relationships with a variety of children. He becomes part of a group (which the core strength of affiliation allows him to do), and sees ways in which we are all alike and different. With experience, he can learn to reject labels used to categorize people (such as skin color). He will also be much less likely to exclude others from a group, to tease, and to act in a violent or aggressive way.

When to worry: A child who lacks the ability to be aware of others' needs and values is at risk of developing prejudicial attitudes. Having formed ideas about others without knowing them, he may continue to make categorical, destructive, and stereotypical judgments: "She speaks English with an accent, so she must be stupid." This immature kind of thinking feeds the hateful beliefs underlying many forms of verbal and physical violence.

Read more about awareness

5. Tolerance: Accepting Differences
Tolerance is the capacity to understand and accept how others are different from you. This core strength builds upon another -- awareness: Once aware, what do you do with the differences you observe?

Why it's important: It's natural and human to be afraid of what's new and different. To become tolerant, a child must first face the fear of differences. This can be a challenge because children tend to affiliate based on similarities -- in age, interests, gender, or cultures. But they also learn to reach out and be more sensitive to others by watching how the adults in their lives relate to one another. With positive modeling, you can insure and build on your child's tolerance. The tolerant child is more flexible and adaptive in many ways. Most important, when she learns to accept differences in others, she becomes able to value what makes each of us special and unique.

When to worry: An intolerant child is likelier to lash out at others, tease, bully, and if capable, act out his intolerance in violent ways. Children who struggle with this strength help create an atmosphere of exclusion and intimidation for those people and groups they fear. This atmosphere promotes and facilitates violence.

6. Respect: Respecting Yourself and Others
Appreciating your own self-worth and the value of others grows from the foundation of the preceding five strengths. An aware, tolerant child with good affiliation, attachment, and self-regulation strengths gains respect naturally. The development of respect is a lifelong process, yet its roots are in early childhood, as children learn these core strengths and integrate them into their behaviors and their world view.

Why it's important: Children will belong to many groups, meet many kinds of people, and will need to be able to listen, negotiate, compromise, and cooperate. Developing respect enables your child to accept others and to see the value in diversity. He can see that every group needs many styles and many strengths to succeed. He will value each person in the group for his talents. When children respect -- and even celebrate -- diversity, they find the world to be a more interesting, complex, and safe place. Just as understanding replaces ignorance, respect replaces fear.

When to worry: A child who can't respect others is incapable of self-respect. He will be quick to find fault with others, but can also be his own worst critic. Too often, the trait a child ridicules in others reflects something similar he hates in himself. The core of all violence is a lack of respect, for oneself and for others: Without it, children are more likely to become violent.

Partner Poaching
Lusting after another's mate? Could he or she be The One? Think twice before acting on it -- here's why.
By Lynn Harris

Evolution at Work?

The usual story goes something like this: Boy meets Girl. Boy meets Girl's parents. Boy and Girl live happily ever after.

But more often than you might realize, there's another step in the story, another character in the drama: Boy meets Girl, Boy leaves Current Girlfriend for Girl, Boy and Girl live happily ever after.

New research by the International Sexuality Description Project (ISDP) suggests that up to 20 percent of long-term relationships start when one partner (or both) is dating, even married to, someone else. (Sixteen thousand people in 53 countries were polled for the study, which is based at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, and designed to explore the relationship between personality and sexuality and sex differences in mating preferences.) Evolutionary psychologists call this "mate poaching."

Who poaches and why? What happens to relationships when it does? Are you likely to fall prey to a poacher -- or become one yourself?

According to ISDP lead researcher David P. Schmitt, PhD, a psychology professor at Bradley University, approximately 60 percent of U.S. men and 40 percent of women admit they've tried to lure someone else's squeeze into a short-term fling. "When you look at the long term, the numbers become much more similar," adds Schmitt: 63 percent of men and 52 percent of women cop to trying to purloin a partner for a long-term relationship.

Seems that both men and women have a grass-is-greener gene. From an evolutionary standpoint -- which basically posits that everything we do stems from the drive to propagate our species with lots of big healthy babies -- it makes sense that at some level we'd always, instinctively, be on the lookout. Especially considering that, according to Schmitt, women seek particularly virile men when most fertile, a few days before ovulation.

Why We Poach

But what makes the difference between having ancestral poaching instincts and acting on them? "Many people are attracted to the opportunity for challenge," says Arthur Aron, PhD, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. "Studies show that we are more attracted to people when we overcome obstacles to get them than when we don't."

Interestingly, though, poachers tend to rank low on ambition, according to Schmitt. His speculation: they like the quick-fix challenge of landing a relationship, not the real challenge of keeping one. "If they had real ambition, they'd find their own relationship," he says.

But not all poachers seek challenge just to play games or rack up points. For some the urge is more nuanced and deeper-seated. "My dad was a cheater," says Connie, 30, of Greenwich, Connecticut, who poached her husband as well as a boyfriend before him (no physical cheating occurred, just flirting until the guy left his current girlfriend to start something with her). "I always wonder if that contributed to my being a poacher. Having been left for greener pastures -- he left my mom, but it still felt like rejection to me -- did I set out to prove that I was worth leaving someone for?"

Some poaching is also less sinister than it sounds because, let's face it, life does not always have perfect timing. Sometimes people meet The One while they're with Not The One, and there's nothing to blame but pure chance.

Olivia, 37, met Alan, 38, 10 years ago through mutual work friends in San Francisco. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him, honestly. He was not my type. I just knew I wanted to hang out with him and be friends because the moment I met him I thought he was amazing," she recalls. "The crush totally sneaked up on me." Then came an angry phone call from Alan's about-to-be-ex-girlfriend ("My boyfriend's had a crush on you for a year!"), and not long after that, a marriage proposal from Alan.

To Poach or Not

Not every messy beginning has as happy an ending as Olivia and Alan's. So if an opportunity to poach (or be poached) presents itself, it's essential to see the situation -- and the relevant relationships -- for what they are. Keep in mind that:

Poachers aren't a great bet. Relationships that are a result of poaching don't have a great long-term prognosis. "Poachers rate low on conscientiousness, kindness, and past fidelity -- which doesn't bode well for marriage," says Schmitt.

Your relationship may never seem "perfect." The desire to stray -- to poach or be poached -- may come from a skewed perspective on your current relationship. "You want many things in life, and any partner can offer only some of them," says Aron. "Even if you're in a good relationship that offers you lots of X, if someone comes along who offers Y, you take the X for granted, and the Y starts to look really good." Start by focusing on the relationship you're in and the skills you bring to it. Is there a way to add more "Y" (spontaneity, for example) and make sure you appreciate the "X" (security, maybe? ) that you do have?

Relationship hopping may not offer instant happiness. If your current relationship seems unsalvageable, simply trading in for the new one idling outside is likely not the answer. Melissa, 26, an American living in London, left a dull marriage with an amiable husband for a more fiery liaison with her boss. That lasted two years -- much longer than it should have, she says. "I don't think we wanted to admit that we'd made a big mistake and caused ourselves and others a lot of pain for something that wasn't going to work. We both had a grim determination to keep our relationship going, despite all the signs that we were wrong for each other."

Feeling unsettled? Look inside first. Overall, when you're not happy, in a relationship, it's most important to evaluate not your partner, but yourself. Melissa didn't just need to find the "right guy" -- at least not yet. First, she needed to look at what was making her put up with, even fight for, less than she wanted or deserved. "Mainly what determines your satisfaction is not your partner, it's you," says Aron. "There's a good chance that if you're unhappy and anxious in a relationship, jumping to a new one will make you happy in the short run -- but in the long run, you'll feel the same." Melissa now admits that in the past, she'd been over-equating drama with passion, and also looking for her relationship to define her. "My husband was the carefree guy and my boss the hardworking company man. My own personality is between those two extremes, but I played along with who they wanted me to be because it was easier than figuring out who I was." She's now seeing someone new, and taking it slow. "Now I make sure that my relationship not a source of drama, and also that it's not the only thing in my life," she says.

A little self control goes a long way. If you don't go for this person now, you probably won't "miss the chance of a lifetime." Remember: patience is all the virtue that poaching is not. "He told me he'd be with me if it weren't for his girlfriend," says Rachel, 31, of Nick, a guy her age and also from D.C. Despite their attraction, the two survived some intense situations -- even driving cross-country to grad school together -- without incident. When his relationship finally ended and the two started dating, Rachel says, "I had this wonderful feeling that if he wasn't poachable when he was with her, then he wouldn't be poachable when he was with me. After all, I knew from experience."

Your 6 Must-Have Friends
We all need a well-rounded circle of confidantes and companions to make our lives richer. Here's why.
By Lynn Harris

Try On for Size
Friends are like shoes -- and not just because both pals and the perfect pair of pumps can bring you profound joy. Friendship experts agree: Just as your favorite old sneakers aren't perfect for every occasion, neither is every friend. It's crucial to have a colorful assortment of friends -- from comfy to professional -- to match the varied parts of your life.

Says Jessica, 31, of Dix Hills, New York, "When I feel low, I always think, 'Well, I have a friend who is this and a friend who is that -- the super-successful impressive friend, the crazy creative friend, the beyond-loyal friend, the since-seventh-grade friend' -- and it makes me feel better to be able to say, 'I am so good at having friends that I've got them in all different shapes and sizes!'"

Why else are multiple friendships so important? What are some key friendships to foster? And what's the best way to do that when we're always so on the go?

"When we're younger, it's fine to have one or two all-purpose friends," says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore (Rodale, 2004). "But as adults, when our lives and needs and interests become more complex, we need a diverse group of friends who cover all of our dimensions."

Just as you can't expect your great black loafers to work with a strappy sundress, you can't expect your single friend to discuss at length the ins and outs of diaper rash. "It's unrealistic to expect one friend to offer everything," says Jan Yager, PhD, author of Who's That Sitting at My Desk? Workship, Friendship, or Foe? (Hannacroix Creek, 2004). "You're drawing on the strengths and benefits that each one offers, not trying to mold someone into something she isn't."

Seeing different friendships for what they are can preserve and prolong them, as Eleanor, 38, of Syracuse, New York, discovered. "I have a dear friend who's great about doing things only a close friend will, like helping me move," she says. But Eleanor found it frustrating to confide in her pal about her single-woman hardships. "I hated her cool, no-nonsense responses -- she'd basically tell me I just needed to 'get over it.' I would think, 'She has no idea what it's like!' But then it hit me -- her very long-term boyfriend became her husband. She actually does have no idea what it's like!"

Since then, Eleanor says, "I've learned to appreciate what we do share: frustrations with work and politics, similar senses of humor. Now I know she's not the one to call about dating blues. I have plenty of other girlfriends who relate to that!"

The Well-Rounded Friends

So what are the five types of friends that will round out your social wardrobe?

The Work Friend. This relationship is so important that Dr. Yager coined a term for it: a "workship." Having an office pal, she says, "boosts productivity, makes the day go faster, and work more fun." Sylvia, 36, of Brookline, Massachusetts, says her workship is the only reason she survives her "heinous job" at all. "She saves my life every day. We bitch about our boss, fantasize about changes we'd make if we overthrew her, share dirt on who's good to work with and who's not. And we laugh," Sylvia says. "My husband commiserates when I come home, sure, but he's not there."

Just be on guard: If only one of you gets that promotion, things could get uncomfortable. Try to discuss it in advance if you can. Also, if one of you happens to leave the job, the friendship still has promise, says Yager. "Workships often blossom into friendships when they're no longer workships -- because then you can really let down your guard."

The Friend in Your Kid's Class. Your kids are angels, no doubt, but that doesn't mean they have an adult perspective on what's going on in school. "You absolutely need someone to help you check out whether the teacher is really that 'unfair,' the sixth-graders are really dating, or the cliques are really that bad," says Paul. For Nicole, 35, of Charleston, South Carolina, her co-mom keeps her not only informed, but also less isolated. "Almost everyone is all coiffed and perfect, and I'm just talking about the kids -- so you can imagine what the moms are like," she says. "My messy self really doesn't fit in. Thank goodness for Lara, the one other mom like me, and the only one I can hang out with at the science fair."

The Friend Who's Known You Forever. "This friendship is priceless," says Paul, noting that when she recently bumped into an old crush at the mall, there was only one friend she could call to giggle about it. "She keeps your memories alive by sharing them with you."

"If I met her today we might not be friends -- that's one thing I love most. She's so unlike all the friends I've made more recently," says New Yorker, Melissa, 29, of her dear childhood pal. "Other people can learn all our buzzwords and inside jokes, but she and I invented them!"

Friends you grew up with aren't just fun throwbacks; some can serve as sister stand-ins. "As a single only child with few cousins, I wonder sometimes who'll lend a hand when my parents start to need more help," says Corinne, 35, of Lexington, Massachusetts. "But I also know that my friend Lucy, who's been around since I was 2, will always be there for things like that."

More Friends You Need

The Hobby Buddy. You summon this friend when you want to catch a movie or concert, if you want to enroll in a history class or take a horseback ride. She may be the gal with whom you share a love of art and museums, or your common interest may be river-rafting or crocheting. Many women find that a walking partner suits this need. "This friendship works because you share an interest and a sensibility," says Deanna Kasuya, 48, of Ridgewood, New Jersey. "It's very motivating to know a friend with a passion to start with. You speak the same vocabulary. And you also have this common need to share your interest."

This friend is important, psychologists say, because your significant other may not share many of your most abiding interests. Or you may simply want a gal pal or another friend with whom to discuss and enjoy them.
Deanna has an art buddy, a gal she meets once a month for museum visits in New York City. The friendship has deepened over recent years, and now she and her pal talk about life as well as about Picasso. "The passion in art was the introduction to our friendship," Deanna says. "We looked at paintings together and got dewy-eyed talking about light and color. Then one day we let loose about our personal lives."

Sally Muller, 45, of Bethesda, Maryland, treasures her walking buddy. At least three times a week, the pair loop their suburban neighborhood, starting at 5:30 a.m. The walks started for one reason: exercise. "We were neighbors who didn't know each other well at all," says Sally. "We just wanted to get out early in the morning, when the neighborhood was quiet." Sally's dog joined. The walking itinerary has evolved over the past three years and now includes a stop at a coffee shop. Sally's partner has since gotten a dog of her own -- and a divorce. Meanwhile, the friendship has deepened greatly. "We talk about everything now, from what to serve at a dinner party or which Lucy-Ethel sitcom we like best to how to handle our children. We both feel destabilized when we don't walk." But, Sally notes, the friendship hinges on walking. "When you spend four to six hours a week in a format of walking, that becomes the way in which you're most comfortable talking and confiding."

The Straight-Talking Friend. You know when you're clear that you need to break up with someone...but just can't quite bite the bullet? Talk to this friend. "We all need someone who's honest, gets to the heart of the problem, and doesn't sugar-coat," says Marla Paul. She also won't tell you the swimsuit looks good when it doesn't, or that it's okay with her that you haven't called.

"My roommate, God love her, shovels me full of truth and never lets up," says Rebecca, 24, of Raleigh, North Carolina. "If it's something she thinks I don't want to hear, she'll just stay quiet -- and then I know what she's saying anyway. Damn!" That's the key with this friend, says Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends (Citadel, 2003): "Talk to her about what's on your mind only when you want to hear it."

The Feel-Good Friend. "We all need a cheerleader!" says Isaacs. But the feel-good friend may cheer for you even without being all smiles and pom-poms. "My spirits are lifted the moment I hear my friend Rachel's voice," says Paula, 36, of New York City. "She never belittles, or tries to make things about her, or says one of those dopey things like, 'You'll get over it, what you need is a fill-in-the-blank!' She really knows how much better people feel when someone just listens."

And the feel-good friend isn't there for you only when you feel bad. Says Isaacs: "It's essential to have a friend who can be truly happy for you when good things happen, too."

Relationship TLC

Now that you know which friendships are essential, how do you to find and/or nurture the ones you need? Making friends isn't as easy as it was when you could walk up to another kid on the playground and say, "Wanna be friends?" Says Paul: "Friendships, along with our lives, are less stable than they used to be, and it can feel awkward to try to make new ones." Three key steps to making new friends and maintaining the relationships you hold dear:

1. Create a strategy. You can't make friends just by being friendly. Seek out running partners, knitting classes, mystery book clubs. (Helpful: check out social networking sites like Friendster.com and MeetUp.com.) If finding the time seems difficult, carve out one lunch or evening every three weeks as "Catch Up with Susan Day" or "New Friends Night" -- whatever seems doable is better than nothing at all.

2. Be proactive. You don't have to announce "I'd like to be your friend," but you do need what Paul calls "repeat exposure." Pour a little social cement by seeking out certain people more than once; extend casual invitations when you can.

3. Sort your supply. "Prioritize your friendships," says Isaacs. You don't have to officially "break up" with any friends you don't feel the need to see constantly; just make sure they're not siphoning too much time away from all the newer, or deeper, friendships that are worth the extra effort to nurture.

So take a friend-inventory today and see what type of friend might be great to add, which friend you could see a bit less of, and who you're dying to catch up with right now. Don't let a busy schedule get in your way. In the end, it's friendship itself that lightens your load and brightens your day.

Good news! Turning 50 ain’t what it used to be
Hitting a half century is a big deal, physically and emotionally. ‘Today’ finds out why ‘50 is the new 30’ in a special series

What should you know about your physical and psychological health as you hit the half-century mark? Dr. Thomas Perls, a professor of geriatrics at Boston University Medical Center, and Judy Turner, a psychologist with the Mid-life Institute in Toronto, were invited on the “Today” show to talk about the physical and emotional well being of life after 50.

Women and men age differently. Women experience obvious physical changes along with hormonal and emotional upheaval. In aging, they realize they won't live forever, a sad feeling but one that also provides the opportunity for reassessment. Men, on the other hand, notice life changes in an external way — seeing a younger colleague get a coveted assignment or losing a game of tennis to their son. This issue of change can be seen as a crisis or it can be experienced as an opportunity for change and new growth.

Emotional issues at 50
A sense of uncertainty and disequilibrium
For women, the ebb and flow of hormones in their bodies can lead to increased mood changes, eruptions of anger or sadness and changes in sexual desire. For men, the experience is more likely to be one of dissatisfaction, an "is this all there is?" feeling.

A sense of loss — this is a time of change
It's common for both sexes to feel a loss of youthfulness and unending possibilities. For women, the ending of their ability to bear children, whether they welcome this change or not, signals a stage of life that brings them closer to the end of life than to the beginning. For men, their sense of loss is likely to be experienced when a friend suddenly has triple-bypass surgery.

Facing the change and feeling the loss
Acknowledging these changes allows men and women to better cope with their feelings, making them less vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Women are greatly affected by their hormonal changes, but it's important that their feelings are not dismissed as being "just hormones." On the other hand, women considering taking antidepressants should seek medical help to get a thorough understanding of all the factors that may be contributing to their feelings.

Signs of aging and what to do about it

Turning 50: What to expect
Muscle loss
Weight gain
Osteoporosis
Risk factors for cardiovascular disease
Diabetes
Emergence of cancers

Turning 50: What you can do
Strength training
Weight loss and exercise
Take supplements: calcium, vitamin D, aspirin
Stop smoking and decrease alcohol intake
Get screened!

For men who have defined themselves primarily through their work, depression may occur as they bump into unrealized dreams, unmet ambitions and the anticipation of retirement. Men are more prone to excessive drinking and other substance abuse as a way of coping with depression.

Dealing with stress
“Baby boomers” consistently report overwhelming feelings of fatigue: being just too tired, worn out and depleted. While the boomers are not alone in these feelings, their experience is often intensified by being in the sandwich generation — squeezed between providing care for elderly parents and young children; going through job changes, a divorce or remarriage; or dealing with financial instability. This has become a major area of concern and can also lead to greater vulnerability to depression and sometimes substance abuse.

Physical effects and how to offset them
An ounce of prevention
Everyone changes physically as they grow older. However, we now understand that many changes we used to think were "normal aging" are actually the result of disease, environment or lifestyle. Some changes are a combination of more than one of these factors. This means that there are some physical changes that can be prevented or delayed through lifestyle changes, such as adapting a healthy diet and beginning an exercise program. Those who take care of their health are likely to experience fewer physical changes.

Staying active, staying healthy
An older adult loses muscle more easily and has more trouble gaining new muscle than a younger person. Unused muscles will weaken, which leads to problems such as joint pain.

However, exercise can slow down the natural loss of muscle mass, and even add new muscle. Studies have shown that 30 minutes of weight training is more effective than 30 minutes of aerobics. Flexibility is also compromised with aging, but yoga, tai chi, water exercises and daily stretching can help muscles remain limber.

Know your limits
As the body ages, medications take longer to leave the system and alcohol affects the body differently. Many people need to lower their doses of medications and decrease their alcohol intake.

50 is the new 30
‘Middle-aged’ isn't so old anymore
We've had huge gains in life expectancy because of a few factors: baby boomers have stopped smoking, air-pollution levels have been lowered, more people are exercising, and more people are being screened for age-related diseases. There's also more preventative health care now than for previous generations. With all that, this generation is better off physically and emotionally than was their parents' generation.

Some people say, "We may be 50, but we don't look 50 and we certainly don't feel 50," but it's important to listen to the body's warning signs. People who experience pain from physical activity should seek advice from their doctor. By 50, the body has gone through a lot of wear and tear, no matter how old it looks or feels, and it's important to treat it with age-appropriate care.

Jackson Revealing 'Kong' Secrets



Movie fans who can't wait for Peter Jackson's multimillion-dollar remake of "King Kong" can log on to the Internet to watch the gorilla thriller as it is being made.

A new Web site maintained by fans of the Oscar-winning director features online video clips of the media-shy Jackson on the set with actors and the film crew.

His remake of the 1933 classic will be released in December 2005. The "King Kong" cast includes Jack Black and Adrien Brody.

Production diaries and director commentaries often appear as bonus material on DVD releases of major films, but this marks one of the first times a director has unveiled the creative process prior to a movie's release.

In one clip, Brody and Black are shown staggering onboard a giant tramp steamer, the Venture, simulating rough seas.

"We want to let anyone that's interested (in on) just a few little secrets," the shaggy-haired Jackson is shown telling Black in another excerpt.

Jackson won the best-director Oscar for "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King," the third film in his trilogy.

The movie also won Oscars for best picture and best screenplay.

On the Net:

http://www.kongisking.net

Brazilian thieves rob bus full of policemen
Suspects escape with cameras, wallets, sneakers

RIO DE JANEIRO - Forty-six Brazilian policemen traveling to a sports competition were caught with their guard down this week when four Brazilian thieves robbed the bus carrying them to the event.

The bus with 46 unarmed policemen from northeastern Paraiba state was headed to the city of Salvador in Bahia when two cars with armed robbers forced them to stop on the country’s main interstate highway Tuesday.

"The robbers took their cameras, cellular phones, wallets and even the sports uniforms and sneakers," a police spokesman said.

The suspects, who escaped, apparently did not know the bus was full of police when they stopped it, he said.

"We are looking for them, but I cannot say there's any particular ardor here due to the fact that policemen have been robbed."

Who’s that in my casket?
Man presumed dead in train accident calls daughter at own funeral

TORONTO - Dane Squires was late for his own funeral.

At least it seemed that way after people gathered Thursday at a Toronto funeral home to mourn the retired welder from Newfoundland, whom they believed had been hit by a train.

Relatives of Squires were watching the casket being loaded into a hearse when his daughter Trina was told she had an important phone call.

Her father was on the other end.

"She totally, totally lost it," Squires' brother Gilbert said.

"She said, 'There's a ghost talking to me on the phone. Please somebody try to make sense out of this because I'm losing my mind.'"

Squires was initially identified as the man who was hit by a commuter train last Friday night. The body was badly mutilated in the accident but still fit Squires' description, police said. Authorities haven't yet identified the victim.

"He went to my sister's house, and whoever answered the door fainted," said Gilbert Squires, noting his brother didn't become aware of the confusion until he read his own obituary in the newspaper.

Squires' sister identified the dead man as her brother after viewing the body at the coroner's office this week, police said.

Rembrandt's Wandering Eye?
Genius' Self-Portraits Reveal Misaligned Eye
By Miranda Hitti

Sept. 15, 2004 -- You might expect great artists to have perfect vision, letting them see their subjects with crystal-clear sight. But that may not have been the case with Rembrandt.

In fact, the 17th century Dutch master may have had one misaligned eye.

Margaret Livingstone, PhD, and Bevil Conway, PhD, of Harvard Medical School analyzed Rembrandt's self-portraits.

They looked at the position of his eyes in 24 oil paintings and 12 etchings.

In all but one painting, "the eye on the right side of the painting tends to look straight ahead and the other eye deviates outward," write the pair in a letter printed in the Sept. 16 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine.

One eye was misaligned in all 12 etchings. However, it was the opposite eye than the one in the paintings.

That's not necessarily a contradiction. Etchings are used to make prints, so their images are flip-flopped.

Blessing in Disguise

If it's true, Rembrandt may have turned the condition into an advantage. A wandering eye makes it harder to judge depth perception. Lack of depth perception is known as stereoblindness.

"Art teachers often instruct students to close one eye in order to flatten what they see," write the researchers. Thus, stereoblindness may be an asset to painters as they attempt to create three-dimensional images on flat canvas surfaces.

Besides, when it came to seeing into the soul, Rembrandt's vision was world class.

Comics without syndicates...will it become The Norm?
Posted on Wednesday, September 15, 2004

If you think I've forgotten that I promised to offer PvP free to any newspaper who wants it, you're wrong. It's been foremost on my mind since I made the announcement last month in San Diego. Right now, I have a features agreement being worked on by a guy who understands the law a lot better than I do. This agreement makes it safe for me to do something crazy like allow publications to print PvP for free. I expect to launch this service in early October so you don't have too long to wait.

Despite backlash from syndicated cartoonists, I hold to my thought that the syndicates have little to offer the well rounded cartoonist and that we can succeed and thrive without them. Would you like more proof? Take a look at THIS latest development.

Recently Michael Jantze, creator of the syndicated comic strip THE NORM, announced that as of September 12, his comic strip was ending along with his relationship with King Features Syndicate.

Intially, Jantze stated on his website that The Norm was over for now. He planned to keep his web-store open and continue to collect The Norm into collection books, but we should not expect new content in the near future.

However, Michael's wife Nicole recently made a new update on the site, issuing a call-to-arms. The Norm.com has moved to subscription based content and if enough people sign up and they can meet a financial goal, Nicole assures us that Micheal will continue to create new content and produce The Norm exlcusievly on the web.

One wonders if Michael had this planned all along and was simply looking for a way out of what was possibly a horrible syndication contract. Michael may be making history here as the first syndicated comic strip to leave the papers in favor of the net.

Micheal is a rare breed among syndicated cartoonists: he's a good business man, he understands the net, and he's savy with a computer. He's got what it takes to make this go, for sure. Will more follow him? Only time will tell.

But pay attention kids, because this is history here. It's happening now and things are changing. They'll be talking about all this in 20 years as the time when comics broke free of the syndicates.

Linda Hamilton Reveals She's Bipolar
The Associated Press

"Terminator" fans know Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor — tough as nails and out to save the world. But in real life, Hamilton was having trouble saving herself.

In an exclusive interview with AP Radio, Hamilton revealed that she's bipolar. She has struggled with depression most of her life and was a compulsive eater as a child. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what.

For 20 years, she tried different therapies and treatments in a desperate search for answers.

She was finally diagnosed ten years ago. Once she got her illness under control, she decided (well before Jane Pauley's similar announcement last month) to talk about it.

Why? So others don't have to suffer as she did, and to promote a program that stresses exercise and good-eating for people who suffer from mental illness.

AP: The "Terminator" movies gave you an image as a tough cookie. Did you feel that way yourself?

Hamilton: I became this sort of iconic figure of fitness and toughness and I was like, "Oh, no, no no, you don't want to be like her." She was a woman in hell, a woman that was suffering horribly. Please don't mistake who I am for who that character is.

AP: Were you tough to live with in those years?

Hamilton: If I was suffering or angry with my husband over the smallest slight, he would suffer. And if we happened to be with his brother and sister-in-law, they would suffer. There was no capacity to remove myself from my condition and think about other people in the room and how they might not want to have to be dragged into this, so it was all about me.

AP: How many years before you found out what was wrong?

Hamilton: I would say 20 full years of symptoms, not counting my childhood. From 20 to 40. I call them my lost years.

AP: Were you having severe mood swings?

Hamilton: Very severe. My first husband said you have the most incredible joy and the most incredible sorrow that goes with it. Without giving it a name, he had pretty much summed it up for me.

AP: What were your manic highs like?

Hamilton: It's an amazingly brilliant time. You don't need sleep. I think I existed on four hours sleep a night for four years. Sleep doesn't seem necessary. You wake up feeling great. But it's not all great feelings. A lot of the raging that I did I think was the manic part of my disorder. The capacity for fighting, war, taking everything on, taking too much on, overachieving and then raging because my system was so depleted.

AP: And how about the lows, what were they like?

Hamilton: Like falling into a manhole and not being able to climb out no matter what.

AP: How were you finally diagnosed?

Hamilton: About ten years ago, when I really was crashing and burning, had spent many years, you know, not only looking for the answers but sort of self-medicating with drugs and alcohol as well, and was struggling to keep my marriages intact. It was at that point that someone wouldn't let me out of his office. He said, 'You are so seriously bipolar. You should not leave this office without me calling your primary physician and we need to get you on medicine.'

AP: Were you afraid of what the meds might do to your personality?

Hamilton: A lot of my early career was based on that angry woman that was just an organic outgrowth of the chemical imbalance that I had. And I thought I'm going to become normal and I won't have those extraordinary gifts as an actress. But there is nothing that has been diminished or dulled. I don't feel that any of my greatness has been covered over.

AP: I understand that eating right and exercising also helps.

Hamilton: There is a definite correlation between the mind and the body. Being physically fit doesn't mean anything if the mind isn't fit and being fit in the mind is not worth much if the body is suffering. I recommend a balance between the therapies that are available, the medicines that are available but not to give up on the body as a result. Forty percent of the people who are being treated for mental illness are not addressing the physical body.

AP: What about exercise?

Hamilton: Exercise is an incredible key to feeling well. But for people with mental illness, taking care of the body is not an automatic thing. The mind is in such chaos it's hard to come up with a plan. So to people like us, it's more important than ever to follow a regimen.

AP: Why are you going public now?

Hamilton: My quality of life is more amazing than I ever could've imagined in those 20 years of struggling with illness. In those 20 years, I did not know the meaning of the word hope. It was just a bleak, difficult existence. With all the gifts, with all the successes that I had, it was still an incredibly bleak way of living and I want to be a messenger of hope. I have 20 years of self interest. It was all about Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda and I want to make up for that time and spread the word that there is help available. I want to destigmatize the words mental illness. Somebody needs to come out and make this OK for people to talk about and get help and take advantage of the resources.

AP: What should people do if they want to get help?

Hamilton: If you recognize some of the behavior that I talk about, those out of control responses, there are web sites. Get yourself informed, there are questionnaires you can fill out and take to your physician. Do your work. It is so worth it to get the help and to live the quality of life that I am living today. And I really believe that if it was possible for me, who lived in a dark hole for so long, it's possible for anyone. There is hope. You can do it. Start now.

Actor Bids Fond Farewell to C-3PO
By Paul Majendie



LONDON (Reuters) - Bidding goodbye to the gold robot after almost 30 years, Anthony Daniels shed a nostalgic tear for the mechanical manservant who changed his life.

"Oh yes, it was with moisture. This was very much a fond farewell," Daniels said of his last scene as C-3PO, the android who became an icon in the "Star Wars" movies.

His last scene in the sixth and final film was hardly the heady stuff of magic for Daniels. Digital effects saw to that.

"I finished filming on the last film last week. For the final shot I walked along a blue corridor with a blue background behind me talking to someone who wasn't there." he said.

"Revenge of the Sith" is due out next May and completes a trilogy of pre-quels, which tell the back story of the original movie about a battle between good and evil in a distant galaxy.

Daniels makes no secret about his favorite of the six.

"The first film spoke to everyone on the planet. It still works as a funny, bright movie. It still has legs," he said of the films by U.S. director George Lucas.

When Lucas returned to the pre-quels, Daniels was not so sure.

"George's devotion to digital effects over-balanced the films. Too many digital funky characters become a little bit wearing. The storytelling always gets subsumed."

Strange Immortality

For the 58-year-old Daniels, playing a fastidious robot who sounds like a prissy English butler transformed his career.

"He (C-3PO) gave me that lead into a strange kind of immortality. People are very fond of him. His image has haunted me around the planet," he said.

There was also an undeniable sense of achievement from the self-deprecating British actor as he reflected on the squirming discomfort of clunking around the Tunisian desert in searing heat to make film history.

"He has been a best friend for me. He is going to live forever in the ether," he told Reuters in an interview.

Critics may have admired his on-screen chemistry with fellow robot R2-D2 but Daniels said: "I was talking to myself all the time. It was a very lonely experience. I was locked inside a box and had a friend who didn't speak to me."

The English stage actor was initially reluctant to audition for the part and even risked "losing his voice" to Hollywood star Richard Dreyfuss (news) as Lucas contemplated dubbing him over.

"Now I have the honor of being the only person to have appeared in all of the movies and I have become the principal spokesman for them," he said.

For there is plenty of life left in the "Star Wars" phenomenon with the worldwide DVD launch of the first three movies on Sept. 20.

Just listening to Daniels' schedule is exhausting.

There is the Paris "Star Wars" convention, the "Star Wars" exhibition in Osaka, being inducted into the Robot Hall of Fame in Pittsburgh, joining forces with storm troopers in London to launch the DVD.

Then comes all the razzmatazz of the final pre-quel.

But nothing will erase his treasured memory of the first time he saw a sketch of the android he was to play.

"When I saw the painting by the design artist, the eyes of the character looked deep into my soul. He was a very forlorn figure with an abandoned air. He really did look into my soul. We made this tremendous contact."

'Friends' Spinoff Is Full of Laughs

The big news: They didn't screw it up. Smoothly and amusingly, "Joey" picks right up where "Friends" left off last May.

On the premiere (airing 8 p.m. EDT Thursday on NBC) Joey Tribbiani arrives in Hollywood to pursue his acting career and hang out with his big sister, Gina, a sexy hairdresser and young single mother. Her brilliant, endearingly geeky 20-year-old son, Michael, plots to get out from under her thumb and share Joey's cool new apartment — but Gina resists.

Joey lands a couple of auditions, but the jobs fall through.

And he falls for a good-looking neighbor who turns out to be married. (Her wedding ring is prominently displayed on her left hand, but lovably dimwitted Joey often gets left and right confused.)

Thus is this spinoff on its way.

While the audition scenes are a bit routine (didn't we go through all this on "Cybill" and countless other comedies about wannabe actors?) home life seems full of potential — especially with an unlimited supply of yet-to-be-met neighbors at Joey's apartment complex.

Drea de Matteo ("The Sopranos") is instantly in gear as Gina, a take-charge sister and mom (but enough already with the breast-implant jokes!). Paulo Costanzo ("Road Trip") is appealing as a brainy naif — a comic counterpoint to his uncle and mom.

After 10 years as Joey, series star Matt LeBlanc has the role down pat, and it's a continuing delight to watch him work.

Early in the episode, Joey tells Gina he shipped his belongings from New York with a company called Movers and Shakers, explaining, "They cost a little more, but man, that name cracked me up." Later, he grumbles that his stuff has apparently disappeared: "Stupid Movers and Shakers," he grumbles, then helplessly chuckles: "I can't be mad at those guys." And you believe he can't!

Joey also gets a flash of self-insight.

"I was happy in New York," he tells Gina, imploring her to be a little more adaptable. "I tried really hard to keep things from changing. But everyone else got married and had kids and moved on. They all changed. So, I'm giving change a shot. Hoping things stay the same — it doesn't work."

This is a fine moment from both the actor and writers, and clear evidence how solidly the series is grounded. There's nothing revolutionary about "Joey," but there's plenty of new ground to cover with this old friend.

Top 10 Lies told to Naive Artists and Designers
Mark W. Lewis

1 "Do this one cheap (or free) and we'll make it up on the next one."
No reputable business person would first give away their work and time or merchandise on the hope of making it up later. Can you imagine what a plumber would say if you said "come in, provide and install the sink for free and next time we'll make it up when we need a sink." You would be laughed at! Also the likelyhood is that if something important came along, they wouldn't use you.

2 "We never pay a cent until we see the final product."
This is a croc, unless the person is leaving the door open to cheat you out of your pay. Virtually every profession requres a deposit or incremental payment during anything but the smallest project. Once you have a working relationship, you may work out another arrangement with a client. But a new client should not ask you to go beyond an initial meeting and, perhaps some preliminary sketches without pay on the job!

3 "Do this for us and you'll get great exposure! The jobs will just pour in!"
Baloney. Tell a plumber "Install this sink and my friend will see and you'll get lots of business!" Our plumber friend would say "You mean even if I do a good job I have to give my work away to get noticed? Then it isn't worth the notice." Also the guy would likely brag to everyone he knows about how this would normally cost (X) dollars, but brilliant businessman that he is he got if for free! If anyone calls, they'll expect the same or better deal.

4 On looking at sketches or concepts: "Well, we aren't sure if we want to use you yet, but leave your material here so I can talk to my partner/investor/wife/clergy."
You can be sure that 15 minutes after you leave he will be on the phone to other designers, now with concepts in hand, asking for price quotes. When you call back you will be informed that your prices were too high and Joe Blow Design/Illustration will be doing the job. Why shouldn't they be cheaper? You just gave them hours of free consulting work! Until you have a deal, LEAVE NOTHING CREATIVE at the clients office.

5 "Well, the job isn't CANCELLED, just delayed. Keep the account open and we'll continue in a month or two."
Ummm, probably not. If something is hot, then not, it could be dead. It would be a mistake to *not* bill for work performed at this point and then let the chips fall where they may! Call in two months and someone else may be in that job. And guess what? They don't know you at all.....

6 "Contract? We don't need no stinking contact! Aren't we friends?"
Yes, we are, until something goes wrong or is misunderstood, then you are the jerk in the suit and I am that idiot designer, then the contract is essential. That is, unless one doesn't care about being paid. Any reputable business uses paperwork to define relationships and you should too.

7 "Send me a bill after the work goes to press."
Why wait for an irrelevant deadline to send an invoice? You stand behind your work, right? You are honest, right? Why would you feel bound to this deadline? Once you deliver the work and it is accepted, BILL IT. This point may just be a delaying tactic so the job goes through the printer prior to any question of your being paid. If the guy waits for the job to be printed, and you do changes as necessary, then he can stiff you and not take a chance that he'll have to pay someone else for changes.

8 "The last guy did it for XXX dollars."
That is irrelevant. If the last guy was so good they wouldn't be talking to you, now would they? And what that guy charged means nothing to you, really. People who charge too little for their time go out of business (or self-destruct financially, or change occupations) and then someone else has to step in. Set a fair price and stick to it.

9 "Our budget is XXX dollars, firm."
Amazing, isn't it? This guy goes out to buy a car, and what, knows exactly what he is going to spend before even looking or researching? Not likely. A certain amount of work costs a certain amount of money. If they have less money (and you *can*) do less work and still take the job. But make sure they understand that you are doing less work if you take less money that you originally estimated. Give fewer comps, simplify, let them go elsewhere for services (like films) etc.

10 "We are having financial problems. Give us the work, we'll make some money and we'll pay you. Simple."
Yeah, except when the money comes, you can expect that you will be pretty low on the list to be paid. If someone reaches the point where they admit that the company is in trouble, then they are probably much worse off than they are admitting to. Even then, are you a bank? Are you qualified to check out their financials? If the company is strapped to the point where credit is a problem through credit agencies, banks etc. what business would you have extending credit to them. You have exactly ZERO pull once they have the work. Noble intentions or not, this is probably a losing bet. But if you are going to roll the dice, AT LEAST you should be getting additional money for waiting. The bank gets interest and so should you. That is probably why the person is approaching you; to get six months worth of free interest instead of paying bank rates for credit and then paying you with that money. Don't give away money.

Now, this list wasn't meant to make anyone crazy or paranoid, but is designed to inject some reality into the fantasy.

You are GOING to be dealing with people who are unlike yourself. Their motivations are their own and their attitudes are probably different than yours. There are going to be demands, problems, issues and all the hassles that go with practically ANY work/job/money situation. Too many times I see the sad example of someone walking in to a situation with noble intentions and then getting royally screwed, because what they see as an opportunity and a labor of love, the other party sees as something else entirely, not at all romantic or idealized, but raw and simple.

How can you deal with this stuff and still do good creative work? Good question. THIS is why an education is important. You learn, out of the line of fire, how to deal with the art at it's own level and also how to deal with the crap that surrounds it. You may have tough teachers and think that it can't be worse, but wait until a business person has a hundred grand riding on your art! Then you will know what "demanding" means. You will then thank all those tough teachers for building up the calluses that enable you to enjoy the job rather than just feeling like it is all a big waste of time!

In the end, working commercially, being a terrific artist is about 25% of the task. If that is the only part of the task that you are interested in, do yourself a favor. Don't turn "pro."

Depicting Death: Fast Asleep and Wide Awake
This text is taken from the preface of Sleeping Beauty II, by Stanley Burns. It gives a good general overview of postmortem photography, in addition to being an interesting read.

Death came quickly in the nineteenth century. Some diseases could wipe out all of one's children within a day. Adults, too, were susceptible. Cholera epidemics, for example, were swift, savage killers. Curiously, however, except for children who died from dehydration or from viruses that left conspicuous skin rashes, or adults who succumbed to cancer or extreme old age, the dead would often appear to be quite healthy.

Ironically, because of modern methods for sustaining life, contemporary corpses don't look nearly as robust as the remains of their ancestors. Today, we bring people back from death with defibrillators and other technological marvels. We keep patients alive until they waste away or until we shut off the monitors and pull the tubes. As a general result, when people die today, they really look dead: shrunken, dehydrated, debilitated.

We enlist specialists to beautify the body, but as a society, we no longer live with personal death and dying as part of our everyday lives. Dealing with death has been left to the professionals, from physicians to hospice caretakers to morticians. Our control of killer epidemics and our ability to treat disease made us unaccustomed to living with and seeing death close up - until the spread of AIDS and, with it, the spectacle of young people deteriorating and dying right in front of their families.

When someone dies today, the first thing we do - whether in a hospital, mortuary or movie - is close the eyes. In cotemporary photographs of the dead, the dead do not stare back. Because of this convention, we sometimes fail to realize that nineteenth-century postmortem photographs depict the dead. In the past, families could request that a subject's eyes be opened or closed. In postmortem photographs of many children who were never photographed while they were alive, the eyes were left open to provide a semblance of life. This melancholy ruse was sometimes embellished by a tableau that made the childe appear to either be engaged in some activity, or consciously posing. In other cases, two photographs would be taken: one with eyes open, one with eyes closed.

Postmortem photographs, taken mainly for middle and working class families, were an unquestioned aspect of everyday life. They were accompanied by no written explanations. They were taken with the same lack of self-consciousness with which today's photographer might document a party or a prom.

That's why the Whittaker ad is so unusual - and so important.

In many historical studies there often appears an extraordinary artifact, a Rosetta Stone, that offers future historians a contemporary account and understanding. The Rosetta Stone of my investigation came from the Catskill Mountain town of Liberty, N.Y. There, 140 years ago, photographer R.B. Whittaker prepared an advertising card that declared his aims and offered his options for childhood postmortem photographs. Headlined "Fast Asleep or Wide Awake", the ad shows two Whittaker photographs of the same dead child, one with eyes open, one with eyes closed. Now, almost a century and a half later, the photographs give us a better understanding of the options then available. Many written accounts of how to photograph the dead, with eyes open or closed, were published in professional photographic journals, but Mr. Whittaker's advertisement was one of the few to share the subject with the general public. He took pride in his ability to portray dead children in whatever state their parents preferred, "fast asleep or wide awake".

In most postmortem photographs of adults, the eyes are closed, mute testimony to the family's acceptance of death. Other photographs, though, in which the eyes remain open, can seem even sadder because they attempt to keep death at bay, to deny the undeniable. They reveal heartbreaking pain as families fight to keep the dead alive with one final image. Look at plate 2 (NOTE: I might scan this in later), for example. Here is a highly unusual depiction, a husband desperately trying to capture one last flickering measure of the life he lead with his wife.

While death is an acceptable result of growing old, it is not supposed to be a part of childhood. In some postmortem images of children, the picture was taken with the subject's eyes closed. Later, the photographer painted them open, a process made possible by the development of multiple printing. With paper prints that could easily be reproduced, one photograph could serve many purposes. It could be over-painted, not only with the eyes open, but also with different clothes.

The memorial pictures that follow represent one slender slice of the tens of millions of postmortem photographs that have been take to help the process of mourning and bereavement. Whether the subject's eyes are open or closed, the pictures are a powerful symbol of our ancient need to preserve family bonds and keep alive the memory of our loved ones.

How do I write an artist resume?
Get it Right the First Time: An Introduction to Creating Your Artist Résumé
by Susan Myers

An artist résumé is an absolute necessity for every professional artist. Just as an employment résumé outlines employment history, experience, and skills, an artist résumé details your accomplishments, endeavors, knowledge, and abilities as an artist. The artist résumé is used in conjunction with the search for exhibition, performance, screening, and publication opportunities, as well as with certain grant and funding applications.

Like artists, artist résumés come in all shapes, forms, colors and sizes. However, there are many common conventions that all professional résumés should follow. Remember an artist résumé is not an artistic résumé. You want to present yourself and your accomplishments in a professional manner. The following are suggestions on what to include in an artist résumé. Not all suggestions will apply to all artists.

The artist résumé is different from a cv or artist bio. The cv or curriculum vitae is a record of all professional activities within academic careers and is intended for use in academic situations only. An artist bio, while containing similar information as the artist résumé, is presented in a different format than the résumé. An artist bio is most often written in the third person and in paragraph form while the résumé is not.

Typically an artist résumé is one to four pages in length. Most artists have two versions of their résumé prepared, a long version and a one-page version. Your résumé should be easy to read, typed, and printed on quality paper. Résumé paper should be either white, off white or ivory in color. Font size should be no smaller than 10 pt. and should be a font type that is easy to read such as; Arial, Times Roman, Helvetica, etc. Be sure to proofread your résumé carefully. You may find it beneficial to have a friend or colleague read over your résumé.

I find it helpful to include a date in the upper right hand corner of my résumé. The date helps remind me when I last updated my résumé and it also lets others know if my résumé is current.

Some artists format a version of their résumé to drop into or attach to an email message. Since you may be emailing across platforms and to email programs/applications that are different from your own, you should design a résumé with very simple formatting and select a font that is universal in nature like Arial, Times Roman, Courier, or Helvetica.

Update your résumé regularly. It is so much easier to apply for grants or other opportunities when you have your résumé already prepared for that potential prospect. Remember too, that your résumé will forever be evolving along with your development as an artist. There will come a time when you will need to edit out old or irrelevant information.
Generally artist résumés are organized by headings or categories that outline your particular art making activity. Under each heading - listed by date with the most recent event first - is where you list and then summarize the necessary information. Headings should stand out and can be bulleted, bold, underlined, or italicized. The specific categories you include depends upon what artistic discipline you are involved with.

All artist résumés should contain:

Your Name and Contact Information - Your name should be somewhere at the top of the page and should be larger than the rest of the information presented in the résumé. Other information included here is your mailing address, home and studio phone numbers, fax number, email address, and website address if appropriate.

Education - Education is usually the first heading listed. List all the academic degrees earned, noting honors. Also include periods of study at schools or universities attended without completing a degree. If you do not have an art related degree, you can list workshops or classes attended and notable artists /teachers you have studied with.

Honors and Awards/Grants - This category is usually a list of honors and awards. Some artists make a separate category for grants. Under this category you want to list all recognitions of merit, prizes won in competitions, grants, fellowships, scholarships and other special recognitions. You may also want to include artist-in residences or special workshops attended.

Bibliography - The bibliography is a record of material about you. Articles, reviews, catalogues, radio and television interviews, etc. are placed under this heading. For visual artists, the bibliography category not only includes material written about you but also lists the inclusion of your artwork in books, magazines, newspapers, and catalogues. This category should not be confused with the publications category. The publications category describes material (articles, reviews, etc.) you have written not material written about you.

Professional Affiliations - List the professional organizations, national, regional, and local, to which you belong. If you held a position within the organization or served as a volunteer, note this as well.

Related Experience/Related Work Experience/Professional Experience - This category is worded differently on various résumés. Many artists include on their résumé experience they feel is relevant to their professional art making career such as: teaching art; jobs held in their field; technical experience related to their artistic discipline; or lectures, workshops and presentations given as an artist. Some artists also include information under this heading that does not neatly fall into other categories on their résumé.

Visual artist categories can include:

Exhibitions - List the title of the exhibition, the exhibition space, and the city and state where the exhibition was presented. If your exhibition experience is extensive you may want to divide your exhibitions into separate categories of exhibitions - solo shows, group shows, juried exhibitions, invitational exhibitions, touring exhibitions, museum shows, etc. As well, if notable, the curator or juror of the exhibition is often listed.

Collections -This category can be divided into private collections, corporate collections, permanent public collections, etc. It is considered proper etiquette to ask permission to list a private purchaser/owner of your work if you intend to list them on your résumé.

Other categories - Visual artists may also include categories such as: commissions, residencies, and installations on their résumés.

Performing artist categories can include:

Performances/Recordings/Productions - No matter what type of performing artist you are, you need to devise a way to categorize your experience. Many musicians categorize experience based on recordings, compositions, and performances. Choreographers and dancers use choreography, performances, and productions as categories. Always list the title of the piece, your role in the work, where performed, other collaborators or performers if appropriate, and any other relevant information. If the piece was commissioned you want to indicate this as well, although many performing artists list commissions in a separate category.

Collaborations - If you have extensive work with others, you may want to list your collaborative work in this category. Clearly indicate your role in the collaboration and list other collaborators and their roles.

Commissions - Again, if a substantial amount of your work is done via commission you could include your commissioned work in its own category.

Literary artists can include:

Publications - Listings should contain the title of the piece, and where published or the publishing press. Some literary artists separate out publications into fiction and nonfiction, fiction and poetry, or separate out book length works from magazine/newspaper publications, etc.

Readings - In this category you can list any public readings or presentations of your work. List the title of the work presented, and the venue.

Media artists can include:

Films/ Videos/Shorts /Digital Media /TV- Media Artists should include information about completed and in-production works. If you have a significant amount of work you can divide this category into separate categories that are tailored to your experience. Some media artists divide their experience according to their artistic role in the work - as an actor, director, writer, etc. Other media artists categorize their experience by the different types of work they do - video, TV, feature film, short, etc. In all cases, list the title of the piece, your role in the work, other collaborators if appropriate, screening location and any other relevant information.

Screenings/Festivals - If your work has appeared at several screening locations or has been included in numerous festivals you can list the various screening locations and/or festivals in which your work has appeared. You may also want to note any awards or special recognition your work received at a particular festival, if you have not already included these achievements in the honors and awards category.


For Further Reference:

Art Marketing 101: A Handbook for the Fine Artist by Constance Smith,
This book contains information about résumé, portfolio preparation, marketing, legal concerns, contracts, and other important business topics for artists. While this book is intended for visual artists, most of the information is relevant to artists in all disciplines.

www.collegeart.org/caa/career - The website of the College Art Association has a great section on career development, that includes recommended conventions for the artist résumé as well as the curriculum vitae. The College Art Association is a membership organization comprised of individuals, who by vocation or avocation, are concerned about and/or committed to the practice of art, teaching, and research of and about the visual arts and humanities.

'Wanna Be Startin' Something' with these songs
You may love your 'Piña Colada,' but you'll never admit it

Everybody has them. Hidden deep in the entertainment center. Buried at the bottom of the CD chest. Scratch the veneer of any hip music enthusiast and you'll find a closet Milli Vanilli fan.

We all have a song, a CD, even an old vinyl record that we never tire of hearing, but that we wouldn't pop into the CD player in an effort to impress that special someone. In fact, you'd have to know that special someone pretty well before you'd reveal this guilty little secret. Here are a few of our twisted choices. Remember, if you can't say anything nice, keep it to yourself!

Hee-hee, it's a 'Thriller'
Once upon a time, you'd never dream of calling Michael Jackson's "Thriller" a guilty pleasure. It is the best selling album of all time and it seriously rocks. But come on, how many people do you know who would admit to listening to Michael Jackson music now? Molestation charges, multiple plastic surgeries, dangling babies, skin pigmentation changes. The former Gloved One is no longer known for his moonwalking skills and incredible musical talent, but rather for his freakish looks and erratic (and allegedly criminal) behavior. But I'm not ashamed to say that I still listen to Michael and I love it. On a recent plane trip across country, I was all but dancing in my cramped seat listening to "Thriller" and the album that preceeded it, "Off the Wall." "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" is a mainstay in my triathlon training playlist because it flat flies. I remember how giddy I felt when my friend Reina gave me the cassette copy of "Thriller" for my 18th birthday and how we used to stop what we were doing and turn up the volume on the TV when "Beat It" came on MTV (this was 1982, back when MTV still showed music videos). I still feel like a "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" when I listen to "Thriller" and if you "Wanna Be Startin' Something" just tell me that Michael can't sing. — Denise Hazlick

Take me home, country roads


When my Honda Civic was broken into this January, the thief stole my stereo and even the cheapie silver shifter knob my husband bought for $14 at GI Joe's. One thing the crook did not take was my double-disc "Best of John Denver" CD set, which he or she left prominently on the driver's seat in a pile of shattered glass, as if to say "Come on, lady, even criminals don't want this." Can I help it if criminals have no taste? I've always been drawn to Denver's romantic lyrics, gentle music and liberal views on protecting the environment. I loved even his more obscure tunes — "Cold Nights in Canada," "Matthew," "60 Second Song for a Bank." I was shocked to hear that he and his first wife, the Annie of "Annie's Song," had divorced — when someone wrote you a song that beautiful, how could it not work out? She filled up his senses, like a night in the forest! Like a mountain in springtime, like a walk in the rain! Plus, he hung out with the Muppets — a true marker of coolness. When Denver's experimental plane crashed in Monterey Bay in 1997, I felt as if I'd lost a brother. And while I might hide his CDs in the glove compartment most of the time, if you see me driving alone and belting like Pavarotti, it's probably not opera I'm singing. Take me home, country roads. — Gael Fashingbauer Cooper

Senior-citizen radio


OK, "senior-citizen radio" is probably not the approved name for the format, but these days, calling something an "oldies station" means they play a lot of Beatles and Skynyrd. Senior-citizen radio, on the other hand, lives in a different, much older world. A world where Bing Crosby never beat his kids, where Frank Sinatra didn't have all his messy Mobster friends, and where Patti Page never found out how much is that doggie in the window. Senior-citizen radio is always on AM, so good luck tuning in to it in your home — if you're lucky, you may be able to hear it in your car. I suspect my fondness for senior-citizen radio comes from growing up with my World War II veteran parents, who were always driving me somewhere in our big American car and always playing Perry Como, Burl Ives or Bing — on 8-track. (Although granted, they also had a fondness for the much-younger Kris Kristofferson.)

A child of the '80s myself, I'm not above loving a good rap song, but there's something addictive about the plain silliness of these true oldies: "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away." "Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you." And it's not just about the regular programming — if you're lucky, the station will have special nights where they play old-time radio shows ("The Shadow Knows!") or entire blocks of Rat Pack music ("The Sounds of Sinatra").

The commercials are for products like denture cleaner and retirement homes, and the DJs, sounding well past retirement age themselves, have the soothing, comforting voices of your favorite grandparents. They lived through Pearl Harbor, Korea, the Cuban Missile Crisis and Vietnam, their voices seem to say, surely we'll get through whatever new world crisis today's news has brought us. Now let's have one for my baby, and one more for the road. — G.F.C.

It's ain't easy ... singing at work
My particular guilty pleasure is my Muppet Show CD. Whenever I’m feeling crummy, I put on "It's Not Easy Bein' Green" or my all-time favorite song, "The Rainbow Connection." They conjure up images of Kermit's head bobbing along to the music and the little Frog Chorus singing in the background. Sometimes I wonder if it's normal for a thirtysomething to listen to this stuff, but what the heck… at least I don't sing it at work. — Molly Masland

A pocket full of what?
The Spin Doctors' "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" was never "cool," but it was popular and I was a teenager susceptible to constant radio and MTV airplay of "Two Princes." For some reason, though, I listened to the CD a lot and found myself popping it in my stereo whenever I needed to drive somewhere and zone out to music. Still do. I suppose it’s not a really bad buy like Color Me Badd or Fine Young Cannibals, but man, you better believe it’s hidden in my CD collection. Until I need to zone out, that is. And it’s just such happy music. You can't hate music that’s this happy. — Mike Miller

Have a nice day!


The 1970s are known for a lot of things. Mood rings, bellbottoms, shag haircuts, gas rationing, Watergate, Nixon's resignation — in short, mostly trends and events that are baaaaad (and that don't mean good). And the music of the '70s as a rule doesn't fare much better. "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)", "Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia", "Billy, Don't Be a Hero", "Disco Duck" — pure '70s crap. But it filled AM (that's right AM) radio as pure pop gasped its final breathe. However, for every "Kung Fu Fighting", there was also an "O-o-h Child" and a "Freddie's Dead". The 70s had kick-ass soul (Curtis Mayfield, Isaac Hayes, Al Green, The Staples Singers) and lame-ass pop (Tony Orlando and Dawn, Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods, Paper Lace, Looking Glass), but God save me, I just love it. "Have A Nice Decade: The '70s Pop Culture Book" box set spans the decade from Shocking Blue's "Venus" to "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge. As I listen to these songs, I remember listening to Dr. Don Rose on KFRC-AM each morning as I got ready for school. I remember the gauchos and disco platforms I wore and doin' the Bump at dances. Several of the discs from this compilation are currently in the CD changer in my car, including the one with the song that will follow me for the rest of my life. Maria Muldaur's "Midnight at the Oasis" is my one and only karaoke song. It's goofy, quirky, sexy — the quinessential '70s pop song. There is a certain group of friends who can attest to my affection for this song and will happily recall one very drunken night when I offered up an a cappella version. "Let's slip off to a sand dude, real soon, and kick up a little dust ... " Sing it, Maria! — Denise Hazlick

So tell me what I want, what I really, really want


Feminism has been exploited in some pretty dubious marketing strategies over the years — selling extremely long and skinny cigarettes, for instance, or diamond rings for women's right hands. So in the grand scheme, branding the Spice Girls as the new faces of "Girl Power" is pretty tame. Before Britney's hip-huggers, Christina's chaps and Avril's necktie, there were five scrappy British girls and some extremely tall platform shoes. And not only did the group as a whole have a brand: each of the five Spice Girls had a fully realized look and marketing angle, the better to turn them into immediately recognizable 12-inch dolls. The Girl Power thing was a load of hooey, certainly. Though they hit that talking point in interviews, and sang about their love of their mothers and female friends, mostly their music was about getting with dudes. But that message only made it through if you listened to the lyrics, and why would you? The Spices' first album ("Spice") spawned five extremely catchy, inoffensive singles; "Spice World," released to coincide with the movie of the same title, did just as well. Then Geri left the band and it all went to hell; you should skip the third album, as they should have. Sure, they were a pre-fab band, cast by showbiz Svengalis instead of working their way through garages and club gigs to the top of the pop charts — but so were The Monkees, and they gave us some great pop hits! Wait, you don’t like The Monkees either? Then you don't like pop music, and we're done here. — Tara Ariano

'The Nylons' a tight fit
I'm fooling myself to think I can sing like this a cappella group, but I always try. I switch from lead to harmony, just fitting my voice to the melodies when I can hit the notes. God knows I could never do it with anyone else in the car. — George Malone

Air Supply: Now and Forever


I don't pretend to know a whole lot about music and I don't bother with the newest bands or sounds. I just stick to my old, comfortable, worn-in favorites, and unlike a pair of jeans, I won't outgrow these tunes or draw paisleys all over them in ballpoint pen. The first tape I converted to CD was Air Supply’s craypa-rific 1988 greatest hits compilation. No, seriously. Look, it's not my fault that all public pools in Minneapolis played "Here I Am (The One that You Love)" and "Making Love Out of Nothing At All" all summer long, single-handedly shaping what I thought every love song should sound and smell like! Sometime in junior high, I tacked the lyrics to "Even the Nights Are Better" on my bedroom wall. Slap up against my Corey Haim collage. Compared to a lot of music these days, there's something so sweet, simple, and — since I don't admit to having much of a voice — something so singable about the songs. Sure, it's not Dylan, DiFranco or even De La Soul, but when I want to block out city noise, I slip in the CD and drift back to chlorinated kickboards, pool checks, and my Wonder Woman beach towel. See, even these 20 years later, I'm still not certain if it's "We have the right, you know" or "We have the right to know" and believe you me, I'm going to keep listening until I crack that code. — Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic

Come just 'Bust a Move'
Poor Young MC. The rapper behind 1990 party classic "Bust a Move," he's spoken of now with the dismissive pity reserved for a novelty-hit wonder, lumped in with jokers like Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

Why doesn't Young get more respect? He never tangled with Queen over a sample like Ice did, he never wore gigantic shiny pants (which then got named after him, and not in a complimentary way) like Hammer did, and he never turned up on "Behind The Music" or in WB has-been dorm "The Surreal Life" — which both of the others did.

And "Bust a Move" is a great song. It's like "Tequila" by the Champs; you don't want to like it, because it's everywhere, but — it's everywhere because it's good.

"Bust a Move" isn't even the best song on "Stone Cold Rhymin'." "Principal's Office" has the one of the best bass lines going, and "Know How" uses the "Shaft" theme as a sample while Young speeds through his lyrics — it's poppy, cleaner and fluffier than most of today's mainstream hip-hop, but it's also damn catchy.

It's easy to dismiss Young as quaint now, because he raps a lot about staying in school and off drugs — and every album after "Stone Cold Rhymin'" bombed, not least "Brainstorm," which only Young MC's mom and I bought before it flopped itself to death. But he's better than he gets credit for, and "Pick Up The Pace" is a rad song. — Sarah D. Bunting

Rupert Holmes


When "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" hit the pop charts with a vengeance in 1979, I told all my friends I had Rupert Holmes' first album from five years earlier. But as "Piña Colada" suffered from overexposure and backlash, I had to keep "Widescreen" to myself. An ambitious and eclectic album, it featured some of the strangest pop songs ever to not make Dr. Demento's Top 10.

Hip-O Records
One highlight was a picture-perfect Big Band performance in a song about an untalented "Second Saxophone", ending with Rupert himself playing sax on a street-corner, accompanied by a sound effect of coins being thrown into a hat. Another near-operatic production featured a failed singer following the convoluted plotline of a "Soap Opera". Then there was the potentially treasonous "Our National Pastime" in which a clumsy swinging single tries to pick up a girl at a baseball game — to the tune of The Star Spangled Banner.

"Won't you come home with me?
I've a room you should see
With a warm waterbed
And a pillow for your head..."

Then, halfway through side two of the original vinyl, Holmes went totally theatrical with a nine-minute parody of Old Time Radio Drama that poked fun at Humphrey Bogart movies, Agatha Christie mysteries and plot devices like "foam-rubber trolleycars".

Even in its more serious side, "Widescreen" featured melancholy 'story songs' that were a cross between Harry Chapin and O. Henry. In its time, "Widescreen" was critically acclaimed but under-promoted, and made the playlists of Progressive Rock radio stations that would later burn copies of "Piña Colada."

Holmes' second album featured oddities like a film noir in verse, "Brass Knuckles," that ended with the narrator's murder, but subsequent albums grew more conventional, until he decided to replace a Bogart reference in a lyric for the name of a tropical cocktail, and the rest is, unfortunately, pop music history. — Wendell Wittler


Yes, he listens to boy bands
'Faded,' by Soul Decision. These guys were bad, even for the boy-band boom of the late 90s. But Faded (Kind of Faded, but I feel all right, think about makin my move tonight) is one of those that always gets my head bobbing, my feet stomping and shoulders grooving. If I saw it as a CD single in a record store, I'd scoop it up in a minute. Its beat, dopey lyrics and length (not too short, not too long) make it perfect to listen to. Not that I'd tell anyone. — Mike Miller

'Every Morning', I just want to 'Fly'


Sugar Ray just might personify guilty pleasure. They've somehow managed to steer clear of being labeled a boy band while being radio friendly enough that you hide your copy of 14:59 from your music snob friends.

The pursuit of leisure seems to be a full time gig for these SoCal rockers, who delicately straddle disposable summer time rock and sanguine feel good jams. Equally at home on the mix CD that flirtatious frat-boy made you last spring or blaring out of his little sister's Jeep Wrangler, Sugar Ray is practically made for lazy summer days.

Every Morning, with its mariachi-like guitar riffs spliced between record scratches, is almost sweet enough to help you get the girl, or get the girl back should you take the band’s advice a bit too literally.

Fly may have dominated the airwaves to the point of being totally unlistenable, but it's probably safe to work back into rotation while you're mixing up a batch of mojitos. Ignore the collective groans from any hipper-than-thou summertime party guests, more people than not will be tapping their feet by song's end.

Someday is, without a doubt, the reason your girlfriend loves this band (besides lead singer/teen heartthrob Mark McGrath). It's also the reason that so many guys who were originally hooked on the reggae-hip-hop blend built for the Abercrombie crowd now roll their eyes.

The dog days of summer are supposed to be about letting responsibility go on vacation, and Sugar Ray fits the bill perfectly. You've got the rest of the year to worry about what your music says about your personality. — Jim Ray

Not 'good' in the normal sense
Have you ever heard William Shatner sing? Then you've heard a classic example of "outsider music," a genre that includes strange celebrity recordings, offbeat religious music, industrial records, amateur home recordings, in-studio misfires and experiments by professionals, and the work of musicians who genuinely seem to need psychiatric help.

Hands-down the best source for this music on the Internet is the 365 Days Project, a labor-of-love compilation by a guy with the improbable-sounding name of Otis Fodder. Each day during 2003, Fodder posted a new song to his Web site (hence the name) — introducing his audience to mind-boggling wonders from the forgotten edges of the recording industry. A couple favorites: "Sand," an over-the-top show tune produced to promote GE's Silicon Products division, which enthusiastically makes the case for sand as the most important material in the universe. And "Ali's Historical Theme Song," a wonderfully weird gem in which boxing legend Muhammad Ali insists vehemently that he is not responsible for knocking the crack in the Liberty Bell. None of this is "novelty music" in the sense of a typical Dr. Demento show, though fans of one will certainly enjoy the other.

What makes the songs of 365 Days compelling is that the artists were usually completely serious — and in that gap between what they wanted to do and what they actually achieved, there's often something utterly amazing, if unintentional. None of these recordings are "good" in any normal sense, but the best pushes the "what were they thinking?" factor into a completely new realm — not necessarily art, but definitely not trash. (Because of hosting expenses, Fodder took his site down in early 2004, but recently the folks at UbuWeb stepped up to host the entire thing, preserving this important cultural artifact for future generations. — Chris Bahn

The Story of Japan's Most Faithful Dog

TOKYO — Scotland's dogs may have taught us a lesson in loyalty and devotion, but a certain Japanese dog adds a bittersweet flavor of faith to the mix. In 1923 a man and a puppy first came together and formed that superhuman bond that only animal-lovers will ever understand.

"Chu-ken Hachiko" (faithful dog Hachiko) was an Akita who came to Tokyo with his friend Professor Eisaburo Uyeno when the dog was a year old. Each day "Hachi" would accompany Professor Uyeno as far as the Shibuya Train Station where they would say their fond adiosu before the train would carry the man to his work at the Imperial University.

It is uncertain whether Hachi would then return home for a few hours or remain fixed at the station, but in either case the dog would be waiting to greet his friend at the end of the day at that same spot with his tail wagging furiously.

On a morning in 1925 Professor Uyeno shared his ritual goodbyes with Hachi, stepped on the train and left for work. He died that day before he could return home, and doubtlessly the little Akita was met with terrible disappointment in the form of an empty train.

Commuters then for the next ten years would report seeing little Hachi waiting patiently at the usual spot, often not leaving his post for days at a stretch.

On March 8, 1935 he laid down to sleep at the assigned meeting-place and never woke up.

A bronze statue now marks the spot made famous by a faithful dog. Writer Cheri Sicard reports from her last visit to Tokyo that she encountered there an old man who knew Hachi:

"He told me in broken English 'I knew him. I used to bring him treats. The station was much smaller then.' With that he approached the statue, gave it a friendly pat, wiped a tear from his eye and slowly walked away."

To this day the statue is a well-known landmark in the busy metropolis, often serving as a point of reference for people who tell each other, "Wait for me at the Hachi."

The Story of Scotland's Most Faithful Dog

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND — Not far from where yesterday's incident occurred, there stands a monument commemorating the country's most famous dog, a Skye Terrier who stood by his master's grave for 14 years.

"Greyfriars Bobby" was the faithful companion of a policeman named John Gray back around 1856. The two were inseparable for two years and even thereafter, for when in 1858 the man died of Tuberculosis and was buried in Greyfriars Churchyard, his dog Bobby took up a new post on top of the gravesite and reportedly spent every single night there until his own death in 1872, 14 years later.

James Brown, the old curator of the burial ground, told of how Bobby was found lying on the fresh mound the morning after the burial. Since the sign on the gate plainly read "No Dogs", Mr. Brown was obliged to chase the little dog out, but the next morning the dog was back again. A second time Bobby was driven away, only to be found a third time at his usual spot, shivering on the cold, wet ground at Gray's grave.

At that point the curator took pity on the determined pooch and allowed him to stay thereafter. Even in the most squally weather, Bobby would not desert his post, often howling at those who would try to coax him indoors.

Reports of Bobby's unshakable devotion spread quickly through the town, and the wee terrier became a favorite of families and shopkeepers situated near the churchyard. But although they frequently brought him food and water, no one would officially claim the pooch and pay for a city dog license in the years that followed. This made Bobby an ordinary stray dog, for which he was to be euthanized.

But when this item came up in the town council of 1867, the then-presiding Lord Provost of the city (and dog-lover), Sir William Chambers, asked to meet Bobby. History notes that Sir William was quite taken with the loyal terrier and arranged to have all licensing fees paid indefinitely.

Bobby was given a collar with a brass plate engraving stating: Greyfriars Bobby from the Lord Provost, 1867, licensed. This collar is on display at the Huntly House museum located in the Royal Mile.

A year after Bobby's last watch, where he reportedly died atop his old friend's grave, the Baroness Burdett Coutts had a statue and fountain erected to commemorate the life of the devoted dog and the story of a friendship that surpassed death.

Loyal Dog Guards Master's Body for 2 Days

SUTHERLAND, SCOTLAND — In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes... and a dog's devotion. Yesterday the Scotsman reported the touching tragedy of a man and his faithful best friend.

Graham Snell, 65-year-old retired sub-editor for the Luton News, decided to go for a hike through the hills of Altnaharra (a campsite near Tongue) with "Heidi", his Jack Russell Terrier. When after 24 hours they still hadn't returned, the alarm was raised, and search-and-rescue teams began their work.

Mr. Snell's car was found parked at the foot of 3,152ft Ben Klibreck on Friday; on the front seat there was an open book which apparently indicated the path of their intended ascent. A Royal Air Force Helicopter was sent to investigate the region and soon located Mr. Snell at about 1,200ft up, dead, having fallen from a height of at least 500ft two days prior. Heidi the terrier was still standing guard over the body.

A spokesperson for the Northern Constabulary stated, "It is a steep cliff, almost vertical at one point, and he would have fallen about 500 feet. His dog was discovered next to him and was ok.

"The slope is more gradual a short distance along, and she was able to get down to the body."

Although dogs are certainly not the only animals to ever be scientifically observed in mourning (as the noteworthy Hippopotami of east Africa are known to perform a ritual akin to a wake or a graveside vigil for the dearly departed), the canine species has been credited with definitely the most moving shows of devotion.

Britney's Trash Sold on EBay
The Associated Press

NEW YORK -- Britney Spears' fans don't think the pop star's chewed gum is "Toxic" — they're buying wads of it on eBay.

There are over two dozen auctions of used chewing gum on eBay, each claiming their product has been spit out by the 22-year-old singer. Prices go as high as $14,000, but most are for significantly less.

Though there is no way to verify the authenticity of the various wads, many postings include photos of a small piece of chewed gum, a copy of a ticket stub from the place of finding and a personal story of procurement.
One posting claiming to be the originator of the craze says the gum for sale was spat out in anger by Spears outside her Los Angeles home in early August.

A picture of the gum, now going for $26, accompanies the auction.

A seller from London who is asking $53 for a piece of gum obtained at Spears' 2000 Wembley Arena concert, declares: "I have had this item for over three years and am only listing it because of the current interest in Ms. Spears' habit for discarding gum!"

Brian Johnson, 25, of Mississauga, Ontario, had a posting asking for $1,000, claiming: "You could take a DNA test to prove this is the real deal." Though he has since taken down the ad, Johnson told The Associated Press in a recent e-mail that he obtained the gum while working backstage at a Toronto concert in April.

"While I was holding the camera, I saw her spit it out," Johnson said. "I thought it would be funny to bring the gum home and show some of my friends. They got a big laugh out of it."

Why would someone pay money for a piece of used gum? Psychologist Joyce Brothers is reminded of the prices that people paid for the clothes and possessions of President John F. Kennedy and actress Katharine Hepburn.

"People want a piece of someone they like and admire," Brothers told the AP Wednesday. "It's like obtaining somebody's halo."

But buyer beware! Some of the auctions are fake. One seller offers a piece of Spears' gum from the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards that "still has her teeth marks in it." Spears didn't attend the event.

The bidding is also often fake. The gum now priced at $14,000 was driven up by one person who bid against himself. Winning bids are mostly closer to $5 to $100.

Chris Donlay, a publicist for eBay, says the veracity of the gum claims isn't the business of the Web site. "As long as it doesn't violate our policies, then it's really between the buyer and the seller."

Whether true or not, more than a few eBayers find the whole thing laughable. One fan offers not Britney's gum, but her own. The auction — for 1 cent — reads: "Why waste your money on one of those other super expensive gum auctions when you can get this one here for a steal?" Another offers photos of Spears along with a peach bitten by the seller, who advises, "And remember, please don't spit your gum out. Use a bin or stick it behind your ear."

Still, gum isn't the only Spears' garbage being sold. Also up for auction are a tissue and cigarette butts, making the singer look like quite a litterbug. An allegedly used bath towel and bar of soap, which the seller calls "priceless," are also being auctioned.

And the trend appears to be spreading. There is already a posting selling the gum of another celebrity chewer: Eminem.

Holy Kryptonite! J.C. as Superman?

He's played a guy who can walk on water, but is Jim Caviezel prepared to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Just two weeks after the celluloid Jesus' name was floated for the resurrected Bryan Singer-directed, mega-budgeted "Superman" project comes word that he's about to sign on the dotted line.

The source of the rumor is Mark Millar, who currently pens comic books for Marvel but has previously written "Superman"-related stories for DC Comics. He claims to have the inside track on who'll squeeze into the red and blue spandex.

"You remember I told you to relax about Superman? That a very, very trusted and experienced director we'd all love was coming over? That McG was just a blip? That everything would be fine?" Millar writes on his website. "Well, my same good buddy has informed me that ... Jim Caviezel is officially the new Man of Steel and what a perfect choice he is. Expect an announcement shortly." He added that the long-delayed project is "starting everything from scratch. Brainiac. Krypton. Robots. Alien super-cities."

Everyone from Brendan Fraser to Jude Law to Josh Hartnett to Matt Damon has been mentioned as a possible Last Son of Krypton, and so far there's no word from Warner Bros. on whether the "Passion of the Christ" actor has been given its blessing.

"Would he like to do it? He loves Superman," Caviezel's rep said earlier this month. "But the truth is there has been no offer, the script isn't even finished -- but absolutely he'd be interested." The film has a projected release date of summer 2006.

'Passion' Sells 4.1M Copies
The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES -- The second coming of Mel Gibson's biblical epic "The Passion of the Christ" sold 4.1 million DVD copies by Wednesday after only one day in stores.

While the figure from distributor Fox Home Entertainment is high, it's not quite a record breaker.

"Finding Nemo" holds the No. 1 overall spot for one-day DVD sales with about 8 million. For a live-action movie, "Spider-Man" holds the one-day record with 7 million.

Although "The Passion" fell short of that, Fox Home Entertainment said it did inaugurate several secondary industry records.

In terms of one-day sales, Fox is describing the movie as the best-selling R-rated film of all time and best-selling non-English language film of all time.

Most DVD sales trackers, however, only divide rankings between animation and live-action.

"The Passion," starring Jim Caviezel as Jesus, earned more than $370 million at the North American box office, making it the year's second-most popular movie behind "Shrek 2," which earned $436.7 million.

Gibson's film was also one of the most controversial movies in years. Besides its violent depiction of the crucifixion, some Jewish organizations complained it might spark a rise in anti-Semitism by blaming ancient Jewish people for killing Christ.

"The Passion" DVD is on track to sell as well as Hollywood blockbusters such as "Spider-Man" and "The Lord of the Rings" movies, which topped out between 15 million and 18 million total disc sales, said Scott Hettrick, editor in chief of DVD Exclusive magazine.

Churches and religious groups were active in trying to promote the movie to their congregations, sometimes buying huge blocks of theater tickets for sale to parishioners. Many DVDs were paid for well in advance and picked up Tuesday.

Filmed in Aramaic and Latin, the movie was sold with English subtitles on VHS for $24.98, and English and Spanish subtitles on DVD for $29.98. Many retailers are cutting the price to $15 to $20, Hettrick said.

Since the "Passion" that went on sale Tuesday includes only the movie — no bonus features or documentaries that are common on most discs — a more fully loaded version of the DVD is likely in the future.

How to Be a Dog's Best Friend
A dog will you give you a lifetime of devotion -- return the favor by learning the basics of responsible dog ownership.

A Lifetime of Love
Before you decide to adopt a dog, think about what that means. For the next 15 years or so, you will be completely responsible for your canine companion. That means you must be ready for...

Commitment. From adorable puppyhood, through doggie adolescence, maturity, and old age, your dog will rely on you to meet all his needs -- for food, shelter, care, companionship, and training.

Acceptance. Like people, dogs are individuals. Though members of a breed share characteristics, each dog will have his own personality. A shy dog will never be the life of the party, and an active dog will never be content to lie at your feet. You can train a dog to be well-behaved, but you cannot change his temperament.

Friendship. Dogs need your love and attention as much as they need food and water. Your dog will want to spend as much time with you as he can. In return, he will give you unconditional affection and admiration, even on a bad hair day.

Dog-Owner Basics
Your dog will be your best buddy, your biggest fan, and your most ardent supporter. Here's an overview of your end of the bargain:

• Take care of your dog's health. Provide proper nutrition, water, shelter, exercise, grooming, and vet care.

• Teach your dog to behave. Just like we teach our children manners so they will be civil adults, you must teach your dog to be a functional member of the family. An untrained dog is a nuisance and a menace.

• Give your dog enough exercise. Different breeds and personalities require different levels of activity and types of exercise. Dogs need to be walked or let outside several times a day for exercise and elimination.

• Play with your dog, and provide plenty of toys. Walks are great and necessary, but dogs also need one-on-one play time. You should provide a variety of safe toys for your dog, too, to help keep her amused in your absence.

• Pick up after your dog. Whether at the park, on the street, or even in your own yard, you need to dispose of your dog's waste. Dog waste carries microorganisms that can seep into groundwater supplies and make people sick. (It also kills the grass as it decomposes.) It is your duty as a responsible pet owner to be prepared for this eventuality whenever you take your dog outside.

• Keep your dog on your property or on a leash. Do not let him wander around the neighborhood -- this is not safe for your dog or considerate to your community. In some communities, it is illegal.

• Discourage excessive barking. One of your dog's "jobs" (aside from providing nonstop adoration) is to warn against intruders. You will have to teach your dog what level of response is appropriate for your living situation. A dog in an apartment building, for example, cannot bark every time someone walks past your front door.

• Spend as much time as possible with your pup. Dogs need attention, and they also need companionship. Snoozing in a corner as you browse online or cook dinner is rewarding for your dog, too. When you can't be there, put on the radio or TV to keep your dog company.

• Never let your dog bite anyone -- even in play. Biting is a completely unacceptable activity. There is nothing "cute" about biting. If you don't make this clear from the beginning, you are failing to socialize your pet, and your pet will pay the price. Dogs who bite cannot live with a family.

• Unless you intend to breed your dog, spay or neuter your pup. It is better for your dogs' health and the community -- there are too many homeless animals as it is. Animal shelters feel so strongly about this that they often require you to pay for spaying or neutering a dog as part of the adoption process, or provide the service for a low fee to any pet owners in the community.

• Get a license and an ID tag. No matter how carefully you watch your dog, he may get lost. Quick identification of your pet increases the likelihood of a happy ending to a potentially tragic situation. A current photo of your pet would be helpful, too.

• Supervise dogs and children, particularly young children, at all times. No matter how "good" your dog is, you cannot anticipate her every response. The same can be said for children, particularly children who are not familiar with your dog.

• Designate an emergency contact in case of sudden illness or accident. Make provisions in your will, as well, for the care of your pet. Do not assume that people will take on this responsibility; ask friends or family if they are willing before you designate them to care for your pet in your absence.

The Great Outdoors
These tips will help you teach your dog proper "outdoor" behavior and give her what she needs to be safe and comfortable.

• If your dog lives outdoors even part of the time, make sure he has a sturdy, cozy dog house to protect him from the elements. It should be above ground level and have adequate ventilation without being drafty.

• Pay attention to the weather conditions. Heat, cold, and dampness are all factors to consider when determining whether your dog is safe and comfortable outdoors.

• Supply fresh water at all times, whether that means making sure the water bowl doesn't freeze in the winter or carrying water for your dog on a hike.

• Make sure your dog is wearing his ID tag and license whenever he leaves the house -- even in your yard.

• Don't let your dog chase cars, people, or other animals. If she does, give her a reprimand immediately and put her in the house or on the leash until she calms down.

• Don't allow him to soil, dig, or destroy plants on your neighbor's property. If your dog won't stay in your yard, build a better enclosure or keep him on a leash.

• Don't leave your dog tied up for extended periods of time (or at all, if he can't tolerate it).

Teaching your dog table manners
By Judith Kaufman

When my friend Susan asked me to care for her Scottish Terrier, McTavish, while she traveled out of town, I readily agreed. In the past, Mac had been friendly to visitors and enjoyed sniffing his way through the colonial squares of Philadelphia during walks. I anticipated no problems having him as a weekend houseguest.
As she dashed for the airport limo, Susan called over her shoulder that McTavish didn't like anyone near him when he ate. This gave me pause, but I hoped that with proper planning there would be no problem. Unfortunately, my brother-in-law passed near Mac at dinnertime. The Scottie lashed out, biting his foot.

Hey, that's my food!
Why did McTavish act this way? In his mind, he was guarding a valuable resource and showing who was boss. A dog's natural inclination is to protect anything that it considers valuable. In addition to food, dogs may guard resting places, toys, mates, territory, and owners.

In the wild, dogs work very hard to secure the things they need to survive. The dogs who are best at getting and holding onto important resources like food and dry, warm resting places become strong and healthy. The largest, strongest, and smartest dog becomes leader of the pack. He has an automatic right to eat first and eat most. Anyone who interferes is disciplined by the leader. Clearly, Mac thought that he was in charge when he bit my brother-in-law!

Pet dogs have no need to perpetuate this part of their family heritage. They are supplied with all the food they need without having to hunt or scavenge. Your dog should accept you as head of his pack. This means he should love and respect you enough to relinquish his food to you at any time. Additionally, he needs to know that he must give up his food at the request of any family member, even a child.

Teaching etiquette to puppies
The good news is that there are exercises you can do to prevent a puppy from becoming protective of his food bowl in the first place. These can also be adapted for training an older dog like McTavish who has established habits. Ideally, you should start the following exercises with your young puppy. Then repeat them periodically to refresh his "table manners."

• While your puppy is eating, place small tidbits of some very special food in his bowl. This will teach him that a hand approaching his bowl is followed by the appearance of a super-yummy treat. This should be something that Pupkins really likes and that he gets only during training. Raw hamburger, chicken hot dogs, or bits of cheese are usually favorites with most dogs. Be sure to make pieces small. You don't want to overload him with goodies and cause an upset stomach.

• When Pupkins is used to having your hand near his bowl, move his dish from its accustomed position while he is eating. Reward him with praise and a treat.

• After some time of moving his dish without incident, remove the food bowl completely while he is eating. Pick it up, place something super-yummy on top of the regular food, and then return the bowl.

If your puppy growls at you, give him a vigorous scruff shake or a squirt of water from a squirt bottle, accompanied by a sharp "No!"

Children should also practice these exercises -- but always under the supervision of an adult. Teach kids to be quiet and calm when your dog is eating. Teasing and jostling a dog can push him into guarding his bowl.

When she returned from her trip, Susan set to work adjusting McTavish's attitude about his food and position in relation to humans. Now he readily relinquishes his food dish to anyone. He is a safe and loving companion in all situations.

You will need to team up with another person when retraining an adult dog who has failed his food-bowl etiquette test. Here's what to do:

Place a leash on your dog at dinnertime. While he is eating, have your teammate take the end of the leash and call him (or lead him away if he won't come willingly) from the food bowl. Once he is safely out of the way, have your dog watch as you pick up his bowl and place a super-special goody on top of his regular food. Use small tidbits of foods that he is really crazy about and that he gets only during training sessions. Repeat this exercise until Fido realizes, "Ah ha, leaving my food bowl gets me even better things to eat!"

When Fido leaves his bowl reliably while he's leashed, you should begin working on the steps outlined above for puppies. However, proceed with caution. If your dog ever growls or snaps at you, discontinue these exercises and consult a professional trainer. Continuing without professional assistance could be dangerous.

The doggy decision
How to know if you're ready

Your Lifestyle
Does the way you live have room for a dog? Consider these factors:

Do you work late or travel often? Puppies eat four or more times a day and urinate or defecate at least that often. Adult dogs left alone may get bored or develop separation anxiety, resulting in excessive barking or destructive behavior. If you travel, can you take your pet with you, at least some of the time?

Can you provide a comfortable environment? Descendants of den dwellers, some dogs take comfort in confined quarters. Others, bred to herd or hunt, prefer open spaces. All need shelter from hot sun, excessive heat, cold, wind, and precipitation.

Where do you live? Know and observe contract agreements regarding pets. Apartments, condominium units, and cities may have restrictions concerning the size and number of dogs allowed.

Do you have time to train your pet? Obedience training benefits stay-at-home dogs as well as field-event dogs. Well-trained animals stay healthier and are fun to be with.

Do you have time to groom a dog or to arrange professional grooming? Heavy coats require more care than thin coats. Some dogs are difficult and time-consuming to groom.

Do you have the financial ability to provide necessary food, medications, and regular veterinary care? The larger the dog, the more he will eat. Routine vet visits for checkups and immunizations are essential to good health.

Why Do You Want a Dog?
Here's a look at the most common reasons people acquire a furry friend. Knowing why you want a dog will help you choose the right one for you.

Companionship: Children learn responsibility and receive unconditional lovebut make sure your expectations for their help with the dog are age-appropriate. Adults gain exercise partners. Elderly people gain friendship.

Assistance: Guide or service dogs are trained to work with people with physical disabilities; potential owners must apply for these dogs and attend training.

Security: Guard dogs with proper training are alert, protective, and sociable family members.

Sport: Field-event dogs run obstacle courses and retrieve objects with ease, whether for competition or fun.

Types of Dogs
Think about what kind of personality and activity level you want in a dog. Do you want a dog you can carry or one who can keep up with the kids? Do you want to play Frisbee or snuggle more? Do you want a dog who investigates every visitor or one who isn't fazed by lots of comings and goings? You probably won't find a dog who lives up to your every wish, but you'll be closer if you go into the match knowing what you want.

Breeding
The origins of a pure breed influence personality traits. Learn about the dog's origins; mixed breeds often carry the best of their lineage and make delightful pets. "Puppy mill" animals, overbred in response to market trends, often are sickly or unstable.

Dogs inbred to achieve show traits may be emotionally unstable or have genetic health problems. Responsible breeders screen for genetic factors before mating animals. Large breeds, such as golden retrievers, may develop hip dysplasia. Dachshunds tend to have spinal problems; giant dogs tend to have short life spans; toy breeds may suffer from slipping kneecaps; dalmatians often are genetically deaf and prone to kidney disease; pug-faced animals tend to have respiratory problems.

Research carefully, know your breed, and purchase from reliable, responsible breeders. Check with a veterinarian for specific health concerns.

Size
Consider a dog's adult weight, build, and height. A small, hefty breed won't necessarily be a good lap dog. A large dog may not be the best choice for an apartment dweller.

Disposition and personality
Breeds have common characteristics that determine which are more aggressive, passive, active, or restrained, yet each dog has his or her own personality. Determine which traits best suit your needs; if possible, spend time with the dog before making a decision.

Energy and exercise
Size and breed traits both determine how much exercise dogs need.

• High-energy breeds include Jack Russell terriers, dalmatians, Border collies, and retrievers, which need walking several times each day plus plenty of outdoor play time.

• Medium-energy breeds include large spaniels, boxers, Great Danes, Akitas, and German shepherds. They need daily moderate-distance walks and a weekly chance to romp outdoors.

• Low-energy breeds include small spaniels, basset hounds, beagles, dachshunds, and bulldogs. Short daily walks, play time and toys, and careful diet keep them fit and happy.

The Top 10 Most Idiotic Fans in Sports History
Dayn Perry / Special to FOXSports.com

So the defrocked priest has struck again? First, he ambles out into the middle of Formula One auto race, and then he interrupts the Olympic marathon. What gives?

There's of course something indelibly vicarious about "fan-dom." Who hasn't conducted fake interviews with oneself while shaving regarding that dramatic — if imaginary — final touchdown drive? Anyhow, we want to be a part of the action. More to the point, we wish we were good enough to be a part of the action.

Photo gallery ...Idiotic fans

You can observe this principle in action during the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. But Bulls, like professional athletes in general, are best observed either on TV or from a safe distance and behind sturdy fencing. Even so, that childhood longing to feel the glare of the lights is mighty strong. ...

And sometimes these desires get the better of the maladjusted among us. So we run onto the field of play and do something irredeemably dumb, sometimes felonious and occasionally sinister. In return, we get infamy, a trip to the pokey, a hefty fine and maybe even a forearm shiv from an agitated NFL lineman. Is it worth it? Of course not. Heck, most networks won't even give you airtime anymore.

Still, we're led to wonder: Where does the defrocked priest rank among the all-time Top 10 Most Idiotic Sports Fans? We're here to break it down. And remember, defrocked priest and your ilk, we're not here to honor you; we're here to ridicule you.

10. Robin Ficker
It's pathetic enough to be a Washington Wizards fan, but a Wizards fan with an attitude? Ficker, back in the days of U.S. Airways Arena (formerly the Capital Center) made a name for himself by relentlessly heckling opposing players from his seat behind their bench. So annoying was Ficker that the NBA started printing stern warnings about verbal abuse of players on the back of game tickets. But once the new MCI Center went up, Ficker lost his courtside seats.

9. Morganna
Remember her? Remember those? Morganna the Kissing Bandit was the buxom baseball groupie who made a cottage industry out of running onto the field to smooch ballplayers. She famously did so to George Brett during the '79 All-Star game, but there were countless others, back when it was cute to run on to the field. She retired in 1999 or thereabouts, presumably due to back problems.

8. Spike Lee
Celeb fans are always an annoying lot, but Spike takes top honors. In '94, he jawed with Reggie Miller, and Reggie responded by almost single-handedly felling Lee's beloved Knicks. As if he hadn't already eaten enough crow, Lee later wrote the forward to Miller's biography. Bragging rights? Well, Reggie's the better baller, and he never directed Summer of Sam.

7. Jeffrey Maier
This is why many people harbor an intense disdain for the Yankees. On Oct. 9, 1996, in the eighth inning of Game 1 of the American League Championship Series, Derek Jeter hit a shot to right field that Orioles outfielder Tony Tarasco camped under for a sure out. But a 12-year-old kid named Jeffery Maier reached over into the field of play, snatched a sure out from Tarasco's glove of and, thanks to an agreeably incompetent umpire, became a Gotham hero. Think Steve Bartman (see below) with better timing and "oh, he's just a kid" cachet.

6. Fan Man
A.k.a., the most interesting thing to happen to the heavyweight division in 20 years. You'll probably recall that fan man crashed the 1993 Riddick Bowe-Evander Holyfield title bout. He sailed into Caesar's Palace powered by, you guessed it, a fan. The only thing dumber than his stunt was the decision of Bowe's brainless entourage to beat him senseless while he was tangled in the ropes. Sadly, Fan Man took his own life in the Alaskan wilderness in 2002.

5. Steve Bartman
Yes, the guy who got all up in Moises Alou's foul-ball business on Oct. 14 in last year's National League Championship Series. He's not the ultimate interloper (since it was a foul ball), and the Cubs certainly get most of the blame for the Game 6 tank job against the Marlins. Still, if Bartman lets Alou do his thing, the Cubs might have been in the World Series. At least he Chicagoans a good idea for their Halloween costumes.

4. The Arizona State student body
On Jan. 20, 1984, two days after his father was brutally murdered in Lebanon, Steve Kerr took the floor for the University of Arizona basketball team. They were playing archrival Arizona State, and Kerr, then a freshman, would go on to score 20 points in the first half alone. But what was most memorable, sadly and disgustingly, was that the ASU fans, during the game, began chanting "PLO" at Kerr in seeming honor of his father's killers.

3. The defrocked priest

A look at the attack on Vanderlei Lima of Brazil by defrocked Irish priest Cornelius Horan during the Athens marathon.

And now we come to the inspiration for this little jaunt through the annals of spectator ignominy. If you're wearing a green beret, red kilt and knee-high socks, you're probably crazy. If you wear those and attack the leader of the Olympic marathon, you're certifiable. That's Cornelius Horan, an Irish defrocked priest, who likes to dangerously insert himself into major sporting events. About a year ago, he ran into the middle of a 200-mph British Grand Prix. And this time around, he cost Brazilian marathoner Vanderlei de Lima a gold medal.

2. William Ligue and son

William Ligue and his teenage son came out of the stands at Chicago's Comiskey Park to savagely attack Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa.

Ah, the timeless tradition! Fathers, sons and baseball. ... In the Ligue family, that tradition also entails getting soused, losing the shirts and attacking the opposing first-base coach. Ligue, along with his teenage son, attacked Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa on Sept. 19, 2002 at Chicago's Comiskey Park. With one out in the top of the ninth, the Ligues emerged from the stands behind first base, knocked Gamboa to the ground, and started battering the 54-year-old coach. Only William Ligue can make your garden-variety Little League parent look like a bastion of equanimity.

1. Gunther Parche
Like the Ligues, Parche went beyond the lines of mere idiocy into dangerous lunacy. In 1993, 19-year-old Monica Seles was the best female tennis player in the world. But on April 30, she was stabbed during a match by Parche, who was a crazed Steffi Graf fan and wanted to see Graf recapture her spot atop the sport. Inexplicably, Germany declined to prosecute the man who tried to murder Seles. As a result, Seles to this day refuses to play in Germany.

The Five Worst Types of Fans
Kevin Hench / FOXSports.com

They are everywhere, lurking at the end of the bar, sitting in the bleachers next to you, perhaps even living in your home.

And do not think you can escape them by shuffling off this mortal coil. They await you in the afterlife, in the fiery furnace of the underworld. They are the five sports fans you meet in hell.

The Yankees Fan

The Yankees Fan: Desperately wants you to believe they don't buy their championships.

This is likely the first fan you will meet in hell, certainly if you are from Boston or Chicago or any other long-suffering city. He will run to the gates to greet you with a snide, sneering, self-righteous welcome. This, in fact, is how you first figure out where you've arrived to spend eternity.

Yankees Fan has spent his gluttonous life in the orgy of entitlement that comes from winning title after title. He was thrilled when the Yankees signed Mike Mussina but dubbed him "Mike Small-Scene-A" when the Moose faltered in a couple of big games.

He insisted the Yankees pry Jason Giambi from his hometown A's but booed the one-time MVP when he struggled in April.

He rightly called Derek Jeter the best clutch player of his generation but booed him when he struggled in the first six weeks of the '04 season.

This fickle attitude and lack of appreciation for his heroes has not gone unnoticed by the Dark Lord and, as on earth, Yankees Fan enjoys special privileges in hell, proof that his host acknowledges the interlocking 'N' and 'Y' as the true sign of the devil.

As you descend the staircase, to the deeper levels of hell, Yankee Fan maintains a steady patter.

"Hey, George Steinbrenner is just playing by the rules. Any other owner could do it if he were as committed to winning," he trumpets the Empire's talking points proudly, ignoring, of course, that when the rules become a nuisance for Steinbrenner he happily breaks them, as with his felonious illegal campaign contributions to Richard Nixon.

How can you expect a fan base untroubled by subverting a democratic election to worry about destroying the competitive balance of the national pastime?

"Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada and Bernie Williams all came up through our system." Yankees Fan desperately wants you to believe that they don't buy their championships, that it is the organization's shrewd eye for talent that provided the foundation for this latest dynasty.

He conveniently refuses to acknowledge that being able to re-sign your stars is as much a luxury as signing free agents, which the Evil Empire, of course, also does liberally — Mussina, Giambi, Sheffield, et al.

"The Yankees win. The...Yankees win!" Yankees Fan shouts in your ear, mimicking Steinbrenner's sycophantic YES man, Michael Kay.

"1918!" Yankee Fan reserves for special arrivals.

"Did you see the movie I made about my boyhood hero and close personal friend, Mickey Mantle?" Yankees Fan asks.

Yep, you're in hell.

The Know-it-all

The Know-it-all: Memorized various sports encyclopedias but hasn't taken a ground ball off the cup.

Eventually, the spawn of the Evil Empire passes you off to an unassuming fellow whose glasses are partially fogged from the heat. You are wildly relieved when Yankees Fan bounces back up the stairs, his taunts of "Bucky Bleepin' Dent, Bucky Bleepin' Dent" trailing off as he ascends.

"Did you know that the first time Bucky Dent saw a Major League game in person he played in it?" your new escort asks, waving you onward down the steps.

"Batting average is not just the most overrated stat in baseball, it's the most overrated stat in all sports."

You recognize this guy. He's the Know-it-all. He's memorized various sports encyclopedias but has never once taken a ground ball off the cup.

You dread this leg of the journey and eagerly await the next level as Know-it-all gets on a roll.

"Speaking of batting average, did you know that in 1941 Joe DiMaggio hit only two points higher during his 56-game hitting streak than Ted Williams hit for the season?"

He doesn't wait for an answer.

"408 to .406, you can look it up."

"Did you know the term 'upset' comes from the name of the only horse to beat Man 'O War?"

It turns out he never waits for an answer.

"Yep, the 1919 Stanford Memorial."

And on and on, down, down, down.

"The Gold Medal game was against Finland."

"The Suns took Neal Walk with the second pick."

"It wasn't technically a postseason moment. Even though it was called a three-game playoff, Thomson's home run is considered a regular season home run."

"Did you know Willie Mays was on deck?"

The Know-nothing

The Know-nothing: Distinguished by booming voice and absolute certainty with which he delivers every sports-related utterance.

Just when Know-it-all's endless stream of facts and figures has you wondering if you can kill yourself once you're already in hell, your descent leads you to someone even more obnoxious: Know-nothing fan.

He is distinguished by the booming voice and absolute certainty with which he delivers every sports-related utterance, which are, without fail, always wrong. He picks up right where the Know-it-all left off.

"Yeah, I was there, in Brooklyn when Thomson hit the home run that won the World Series."

You turn, now longing for the Know-it-all, hoping he'll correct the Know-nothing on the locale and the stakes. But he's gone.

"Nolan Ryan is the greatest pitcher ever!" Know-nothing continues. Really? Better than Lefty Grove?

"Pete Rose is the greatest ballplayer ever!" Where is the Know-it-all to point out that Pete Rose's career OPS was no better than Marty Cordova's?

"I mean, to beat the Ruskies to win the gold, c'mon, it's unbelievable." Yes, it is, in fact, unbelievable.

"To pitch a perfect game in Game 7 of the World Series? C'mon!" It was Game 5.

"Dan Marino is the greatest quarterback of all time!" Really, then how come he threw 19 interceptions and only 15 touchdowns in his playoff career? It is at this point that you realize why you so clearly recognized the Know-it-all and you suddenly pity the thousands of people who have endured conversations about sports with you.

"Here's why I love Dale Jarrett..."

Before Know-nothing can finish the sentence, you have bounded down the stairs and into the arms of a...

The Queen Positive

The Queen Positive: Problem with this woman is when her team loses, she experiences no pain.

You know this woman. She may be your mom or wife or girlfriend. She is a fan. She knows the players and roots, roots, roots for the home team. When they win, she experiences genuine joy.

The problem with this woman is that when her team loses, she experiences no pain. And she can't understand why you are still inconsolable ten months after the ALCS.

Now that you are in hell, you're more entitled to your misery than ever. But, sure enough, there she is, carping at you for being so negative. Her admonitions swirl about you, a miasma of optimism and hope, thoroughly nauseating.

"You should be happy your team even made the playoffs."

"Hey, don't give up, they might come back."

"Keep the faith."

"Why are you so hard on Manny if you claim to love him?"

"Just think how happy it will make you when they do win."

"It's only the third quarter. There's a long way to go."

"If it makes you so unhappy, why don't you just not watch?"

The Killjoy

The Killjoy: Never met a moment too transcendent to douse with his watery cocktail of defeatism.

In your haste to escape Queen Positive's hectoring, you trip and land with a thud at the foot of the stairs.

There, on a squat stool, sits a shriveled gnome of a man, bitterness etched in every crease of his face. He never met a moment too transcendent to douse with his watery cocktail of defeatism.

He has been damned to sit muttering for eternity the phrases that defined him as a fan.

"Big deal, we made the playoffs, I'm sure we'll get swept in the first round."

"Yeah, if he's any good, he'll probably OD like Bias."

"Sure, he's hot now, but wait until he starts slumping. Nobody slumps like this guy."

"I'm sure he'll start sucking now that we signed him."

"Great, we won the Super Bowl. Now we'll have the toughest schedule in the NFL next year."

"Great, we won the Super Bowl. Now see how much tickets cost."

"Great, we won the Super Bowl. Now we won't be able to re-sign half these guys."

"What does it matter now if we win the World Series? I'm going to hell for wishing that Derek Jeter broke his neck when he dived into the stands."

And there you are, a know-it-all killjoy, in the final circle of hell. Only you're not in hell. You're in your living room and the Red Sox are ten games out.